Chapter 5: Unfiltered Rebellion

Well, I screwed up spectacularly.

So what?

I messed up in such an uncool way that I haven’t had a night where I didn’t kick my blanket in my sleep.

Two days have passed since then.

With the generous 10,000 won from a kind soul, I’ve managed to stave off hunger.

But you can’t live on instant ramen alone.

I ended up splurging on 10,000 won worth of fried chicken bites.

The irresponsibility of it made them taste ridiculously good.

Of course, I immediately regretted it while cleaning up afterward.

Is this also because I became a woman?

It feels like I’ve lost my self-control.

No, I should stop blaming it on gender.

If that’s true, how hard must women’s lives be?

But, wasn’t there something I was forgetting?

Something important that I needed to buy?

It ends with “dae.”

Something that ends with “dae.”

A mop?

Toothbrush holder?

Oh.

Pads.

“Ah… you idiot…”

A sigh escaped from me.

My bank account was so dry that I couldn’t even afford a single sanitary pad.

Completely empty.

I got so distracted by a few seconds of pleasure.

“Sigh…”

With a self-blaming sigh, I covered my face with the arm holding my phone.

I need to make money.

Which means I need to start streaming again.

I suddenly flipped over and buried my face in the pillow.

I shook my legs hard, making loud thuds against the blanket.

I’m scared!

Not just of the insults, but of what everyone who saw my irrational behavior might say to me.

They probably think I’m just some emotional girl.

It feels just like that time in middle school when I did something stupid for attention, then dreaded going to school the next day.

But I’m an adult.

I believe you only become an adult when you do the things you don’t want to do.

“I have to… yeah, I have to do it…”

I sat at the computer and pressed the power button.

Then, I adjusted the settings in the streaming studio.

“…Hmm…”

434 followers.

My follower count has increased quite a bit.

Well, it makes sense considering that my drama post got over 10,000 views.

Anyway, I took a deep breath.

I clicked the stream button.

‘The stream has started.’

As soon as it did, people began to join.

50 people.

100 people.

160 people.

231 people.

Oh…

My troublemaker instincts tingled a bit.

I couldn’t believe so many people had come to watch my stream.

Of course, a lot of them must’ve followed just to mock me, so I couldn’t be entirely happy about it.

The chat started to roll in.

[ Crying loser hahaha ]

[ Bet her eyes are all swollen, lol. ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

“Ha… d-damn it…”

Cursing out loud felt different than typing it online, so I stumbled over my words.

It made me feel a bit hesitant…

Still, I tried my best to sound like nothing was wrong as I opened my mouth.

“… Hi.”

This is why I didn’t want to start the stream.

[ AgnovellKing donated 1,000 won. ]

[ Is yesterday’s explanation the final one? ]

[ E-xplanation? Wasn’t it just another one of your hypocritical sob stories? You cried for sympathy, lol. ]

My face began to heat up.

It wasn’t the same as the prelude to tears like before; this time, it was just pure embarrassment.

[ I actually liked it more, haha. ]

[ So, are you gonna stop streaming, lol? How can a poor, jobless, virgi*n girl stop streaming? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ Haha, seriously, is there even such a thing as a virgi*n girl nowadays? All the women are sluts. ]

And suddenly, the topic shifted to my virgini*ty.

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ If not, I’m unfollowing. ]

“Isn’t… isn’t that kind of question unnecessary? Shouldn’t it just matter that I’m streaming?”

I got flustered, so I started circling around the question.

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

The chat was flooded.

Should I kick them out?

But it wasn’t too overwhelming yet…

I just wanted to change the subject quickly.

“Okay, enough with the chatter. Today, we’re going to—”

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

[ So, are you a virgi*n? ]

Seeing you dodge the question means you’re not a virgi*n, fuc*k.

“Ah fuc*k! I am a virgi*n! I’ve never even held hands with anyone! Now, I’m banning anyone who keeps spamming!”

I slammed the keyboard and shouted.

My face turned red once again.

My breathing became heavy.

My eyes trembled just a bit.

“I’m gonna ban you for sexu*al harassment! And for talking about being a virgi*n!”

I didn’t actually plan to ban them. It was embarrassing, but I considered them potential economic supporters, so I hesitated to ban them easily.

But of course, these were typical DC (online forum) users; they didn’t even listen to me.

[Haha, must be angry since she’s not a virgi*n, lol.]

[Since she’s been “pierced,” it seems like her anger can easily get triggered, haha.]

[Now I’m also not a virgi*n; just got my ears pierced from that “not a virgi*n” comment, ugh.]

[It really smells like a non-virgi*n here, damn, I just want to leave.]

[Must be a non-virgi*n, lying so well.]

Kkanpunggi123 donated 1,000 won.

[“Stop bullshitting, haha. How can a virgi*n talk so trashy?”]

[Haha, right?]

[That’s what a proper virgi*n should be.]

[What kind of virgi*n doesn’t curse?]

[Honestly, calling it cursing is hard; it’s just basic cursing.]

[Virgi*ns only talk to other virgi*ns; they don’t chat with guys; they only treat virgi*ns well.]

[?]

[There’s a psycho above.]

[You can leave.]

“D-damn it… Thanks for the thousand won, anyway.”

I bowed my head in gratitude, even though they couldn’t see me.

Even if the content was rough, every single bill was precious to me right now.

… But seriously, what’s with these guys?

It felt disgusting to see the obsession with virgi*nity, something I used to find pathetic when it was a guy talking about it.

It makes me feel uncomfortable… truly.

Do female streamers go through all this?

“Do you do this to other female streamers too?”

Would they? Haha.

All of them seem to be from DC.

“Ah…”

I guess it did serve as promotion, but maybe it’s because it’s promoted in the mud.

Seeing it from a woman’s perspective really makes me sigh.

But out of rebellion, I can’t just say I’m not a virgi*n.

But… do I really have to appeal for my innocence?

I said it in a fit of anger earlier, but that’s a bit embarrassing.

As I maintained silence for a few seconds, the chat started erupting again.

[Can’t talk, huh? You’re a non-virgi*n, right?]

[What the hell, were you a non-virgi*n? Why are you lying? Change the title to “poor, jobless, virgi*n girl.”]

“Ah, damn, you assholes…”

After wiping my face for a moment, I thought about how I should assert my innocence.

Then, a thought suddenly struck me.

Aren’t I being targeted because the nickname ‘Chodeuk Chodeuk’ means I have a dirty mouth?

“Hey, but why aren’t you bringing up the fact that I cursed? Isn’t that more important?”

Kkanpunggi123 donated 1,000 won.

[“Are you a moron? Whether your mouth is dirty or whatever, that’s not the issue. The biggest concern for us is whether you’re a virgi*n or not!”]

[Haha.]

[Zi.]

[Wise one.]

[That’s correct, haha.]

Honestly, fighting with the Bell users isn’t my job, haha. Whether or not I’m a virgi*n is the key.

My mouth hung open in shock.

“Wow, you guys…”

I knew DC users were obsessed with virgi*nity, but experiencing it firsthand was on another level.

“… No, but how can I prove that? Should I show something? If I do, won’t I get kicked out for being a ‘sensitive issue’ or whatever?”

What’s this? Why do they know so much?

[Non-virgi*n, haha.]

But I think I’m a bit turned on because I’m a non-virgi*n.

Come on, get out of here, haha.

“No matter what, it’s non-virgi*n this and non-virgi*n that… I don’t know. I’m just going to do Bell’s broadcast.”

I can’t really show anything to prove it. I shouldn’t entertain such nonsense.

Thus, my virgi*nity controversy naturally faded away.

Non-virgi*n confirmed, ding ding!

Non-virgi*n…

So I am a non-virgi*n…

Of course, leaning toward the non-virgi*n side.

I rolled my eyes.

Hmm.

Since I’m doing Bell, the number of viewers is decreasing.

The viewership that reached up to 300 during the chatting earlier is now barely over 150.

Of course, I can’t just keep chatting forever, so it can’t be helped.

I need to think about this a bit.

Of course, 150 isn’t a small number.

The chat keeps coming.

Wow, this guy is definitely different.

He said he was in a professional team.

Why aren’t you doing it professionally?

“Because my home environment isn’t good.”

I once dreamed of being a pro too.

Not really a good memory.

Ah…

I was a poor girl, ugh.

I’m crying, boohoo.

I was born with a silver spoon, haha.

Poor girl, haha.

It’s a bit annoying.

Is this the feeling streamers talk about when they complain that their viewers keep bothering them?

But then, one chat caught my eye.

[Hey, dumbass, what were you doing instead of being a pro gamer back then? The outlook for pro gamers these days is so good, haha. Your insight seems low. If you were a girl, you would have been given a team to boost morale; you’d have a guaranteed annual salary of 100 million won, haha. Didn’t your mom or dad say anything? Or do you not have any? Dumbass.]

Haha.

That comment made me frown.

Sexu*al harassment and even cursing my mom.

Thud—

The sound of my mouse lightly dropping echoed in the room.

“Damn it…”

Haha, that does sound like the truth, but why?

It’s a bit…

Should I ban him?

No.

I’ve said plenty of trash in the gaming world too.

This is just hypocrisy.

Although it’s rare that I’m not a hypocrite.

I kept playing, but I was constantly pressured by the enemy, losing health little by little.

I usually don’t fall for things like this. I kept thinking about that chat and ended up getting hit.

Suddenly, irritation started boiling up.

My head was getting hot.

“Ah…”

The more I think about it, the more annoying it gets.

Damn…

Who do they think they are?

Who do they think they are to say something like that?

“Why is the broadcaster quiet?”

I guess she’s focused since it’s a dangerous time right now.

“Are you mad because of that chat?”

… No. If I throw a fit over something like that, it’ll just be me who gets embarrassed.

I shook my head to clear my mind and opened my mouth.

“… It’s nothing—”

‘I got hit by the enemy.’

“Uh? Ah, shit…”

I’m screwed, haha.

The game’s ruined now.

“Ah… where is that bastard?”

I dragged the mouse wheel to find that chat.

“You got me killed, you… you piece of shit.”

I said while clicking the ban button.

Life advice really deserves a ban. Insulting my dad, giving game advice, and sexu*al harassment… those are somewhat acceptable, but those two are definitely a ban. Insulting my mom…

“Shit, damn it… fucking hell…”

Getting angry is scary;

Why insult my dad?

Yep.

That was when it happened.

Tick tick tick—

I heard the door lock sound from behind the partition.

“Uh?”

O?

Is it my boyfriend?

It must be him.

My heart sank for a moment, but I quickly regained my composure.

Beep!

“Uh, uh?”

It’s open?

I’m dumbfounded.

I live in a studio, but there’s a partition between the kitchen and the bed.

So I can’t tell who’s out there, someone bigger than me.

But even if I knew who it was, the embarrassment wouldn’t change.

I’ve never told anyone the password.

“Uh? Wait? Huh? What is it?”

What’s going on? Is it my boyfriend?

I’m not a virgi*n.

No, but their reaction seems strange.

Those bastards still making virgi*n jokes have no clue at all.

Do I know this person?

“Wait, wait…”

The figure approaches. I stand up from the chair. I step back from the partition.

The headset, which I hadn’t taken off, gets pulled out of the device, making a popping sound.

Suddenly, I remember.

The lewd gazes from the men a few days ago.

The fear of that man.

A closed space.

A place where I can’t escape.

The figure stops in front of the door.

They looked a head taller than me.

Drip—

“AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!”

I genuinely scream.

So this is what a real scream feels like.

My legs go weak as I slump against the wall, covering my head.

What, what do I do?

Tears begin to stream down.

My scream leaves my ears ringing.

My vision goes white.

My mind goes blank.

The person in front of me, only about five steps away, was quietly staring at me.

“… Wh-who, who… who are you? Huh…?”

I couldn’t respond. It felt like a heavy weight had settled on my head.