Bitter

“Hehe, Professor, about this concept you mentioned yesterday…”

I had gathered my spirits and suppressed yesterday’s unpleasantness. But when I pushed open the doors to the performance hall, radiating energy, the man standing before me made me think my eyes were playing tricks on me.

“…about this concept… I’m still a little confused…” I finished in a low murmur.

“I—I’m sorry…”

What came back was an unexpected apology. It was my fault for not listening closely to the lecture; why was the Professor apologizing? In the past, he would have worn a cold expression and poked fun at me with a biting remark.

I froze in place, staring at the man who was now bowing his head in a cowering apology.

This isn’t right. Was I still dreaming? How could the Professor make such a face? Previously, I wouldn’t have believed it even if I were beaten to death—that the habitually cold and arrogant Professor would hang his head like a coward.

Yesterday, everything was normal. How could he change like this in just twenty-four hours?

The handsome man who used to stay by my side, accompanying me with such refinement and peace—the steadfast Professor who would stand tall even in the face of a storm—was now wearing a dark expression, as if he had lost the entire world. His lips wouldn’t stop trembling.

His features, which originally held a sharp resilience, were now clouded with vacancy and helplessness. Combined with the dark circles under his eyes and his unfocused pupils, he looked like a completely different person.

A wave of extreme unease swept over me. I forced a small smile.

“Pro—Professor… are you joking with me? I… I just wasn’t paying attention in class… why are you apologizing… haha…”

“I’m sorry, Ning Rou. It must be because I didn’t do well enough that you didn’t understand… I’ve wasted your time…”

But the Professor only lowered his head even further, assuming an even more humble posture.

Huh??? How did he become like this? Does it have to do with yesterday? Yue Hua came back to the dorm very late last night, too. What exactly happened between the two of them in private?

As if to confirm my ill-omened premonition from yesterday, every abnormality in the Professor before me stood in sharp contrast to his calm, handsome image of the past, hammering at my brain. My vision blurred. Blood rushed to my head in an instant. A sharp ring buzzed in my ears.

The smile on my face collapsed into a bitter grimace.

“Professor… why are you apologizing to me? It’s clearly my fault…”

“No… it’s my fault…”

Looking at the Professor’s humble state, I suddenly felt a strong urge to gag. The Professor should never be like this. This state of total mental devastation was a desecration of his former self.

What on earth did he experience to end up like this? Was it Yue Hua? Why would she do this to him? To get revenge? But isn’t the Professor her benefactor? Even if it was the wrong path, he helped her out of genuine kindness, didn’t he? Can that really be a reason to hurt him?

No, no, no…

I shook my head violently, trying to stop the thoughts. Yue Hua is my best friend; I cannot slander her without evidence.

The priority now was the Professor. Looking at him, I couldn’t stop a surge of intense pity. He is a good person; he doesn’t deserve this treatment.

Driven by heartache, I instinctively reached out to grab his hand, wanting to give him warmth—to give him a small moment of peace.

But.

“Ni—Ning Rou!”

The Professor retreated several steps in a panicked blur, stumbling clumsily into the tables and chairs behind him. My outstretched hand hung awkwardly in the air. My heart felt nothing but bitterness—endless bitterness.

“Let’s… let’s stop here for today… is that okay?”

The Professor’s entire body was shaking like an addict’s. His expression was full of unease as he watched my face. This cautious, estranged look cut me to the core.

Today’s tutoring session ended much earlier than usual. Facing the Professor’s fragility and helplessness, I couldn’t concentrate on studying either. But even so, I wanted to stay by his side longer… didn’t he need me now more than ever?

However, to my frustration, the Professor seemed to have developed a barrier against me. He was afraid of any contact. Why? Would he eventually distance himself from me entirely?

Anxiety. Thick, heavy anxiety.

At this point, even if it made him uncomfortable, I had to ask. I couldn’t accept a future where we became total strangers. Not only did I love him, but the Professor needed help. I firmly believed that I was the one who could help him. I had to believe it.

“Did something happen… between you and Yue Hua yesterday?”

The moment the words left my mouth, I scrutinized his face. I once heard a psychological theory: the moment a person is faced with a question, the body reacts faster than the brain. No matter how one tries to hide it, muscle changes and facial tics will expose the truth.

I thought the truth would be hidden, requiring me to hunt for these tiny clues.

But… the Professor showed blatant panic. His pupils shook violently; his eyes went vacant and trembling. It was as if my reckless question had struck a raw nerve in his soul. He twisted in pain, clutching his head with both hands, letting out a muffled groan slick with cold sweat.

Agony. Intense, agonizing pain. I could feel him enduring a horrific torture. I had done something stupid.

“Pro—Professor! What’s wrong? Do you need a doctor? Professor?”

In a panic, I rushed forward. Ignoring all sense of student-teacher decorum, I pulled him into a tight embrace, wanting to offer him even a shred of comfort—to let him feel my care and my heartache.

But the Professor only trembled more violently. In my arms, he broke out into a drenching cold sweat.

I had been too self-righteous. My embrace was actually intensifying his pain. In this moment, did it feel like we were sharing our senses? No. It was my own heart breaking—breaking because the man I loved was suffering because of me.

“Ning Rou, you should leave.”

A voice suddenly came from behind me. I jumped, startled. Turning around, I saw Yue Hua. I didn’t know when she had arrived. She stood at the entrance of the room, expressionless, watching the Professor and me with cold eyes.

“Yue—Yue Hua? What do you mean? Don’t you see the Professor is…”

“I mean exactly what I said.”

She stared into my eyes with a hostility she had never shown me before.

“Leave the Professor. You’re making him miserable.”