A Goodbye He’ll Never Hear

“Are you asleep?”

Kazen’s low voice drifted faintly. Fearing he might be about to be scolded, Eren wondered if he should open his eyes, even belatedly.

But before Eren could find an answer, he heard Kazen close the door and stride toward the bed. Eren, still wavering over whether to pretend to wake up, stubbornly kept his eyes shut.

Soon, one side of the bed sank with a soft creak. Kazen had sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Haah.”

A thin sigh tickled his ear. Then, something touched his forehead. The soft yet firm object was probably Kazen’s finger. It was cold, as if he had been outside for a long time, and Eren flinched slightly.

Kazen carefully swept back Eren’s hair. It felt similar to what he had experienced in his dream the previous night. A cautious touch, full of yearning.

Eren wanted to open his eyes right then and see what expression Kazen was making. But he couldn’t, afraid that doing so would make this gentle touch disappear.

“Pathetic….”

Kazen’s voice, as subdued as Eren’s own mood, lingered in his ear.

“Someone like you is nothing.”

It was a low, almost grinding tone, ill-suited to the careful touch, as if handling a glass bead that might shatter at any moment. After muttering in unclear pronunciation, he fell silent again.

Soon, his large palm gently cupped Eren’s cheek. The faint scent of Kazen’s tobacco reached his nose. A ticklish breath touched his cheek. The thought that Kazen might even try to kiss him made Eren inwardly afraid.

But instead of a kiss, Kazen’s heavy, low voice dropped onto Eren’s lips.

“…You’re a nuisance.”

His tone, muttering as if filled with anger, felt like it was gouging into Eren’s chest. Eren’s existence was merely a nuisance to Kazen. For a moment, Eren felt a surge of frustration and had to resist the urge to answer, ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be leaving soon.’

Soon, the warm touch stroking Eren’s cheek moved away. The bed creaked once more, and Kazen’s footsteps receded. Only after hearing the thud of the door closing did Eren slowly open his eyes.

Gazing quietly at the dark door, Eren slowly sat up.

‘…You’re a nuisance.’

He replayed Kazen’s final words. As that voice faded, the voice he had heard the previous day overlapped it.

‘Only I should be inside you.’

Which of these two contradictory statements from Kazen was sincere no longer mattered. Eren was going to leave him regardless, and he no longer wished to dwell on Kazen’s feelings.

 * * * *

After that day, Kazen was so busy that they hardly had any time to see each other. Due to the declaration of war from the Kingdom of Felosia, he was being summoned here and there and had no time to stay at the mansion.

Normally, Eren, as his aide, should have been trailing after him, but Kazen deliberately left Eren at the mansion to handle paperwork. By a certain point, Eren even began to wonder if Kazen was trying to avoid him.

‘Perhaps it’s for the best….’

After all, Eren himself had felt awkward seeing Kazen since that night, so he was relieved. Thanks to that, he could prepare for his departure with a lighter heart.

And so, until the day of Eren’s departure, peaceful days continued at the Ducal residence, no different from usual.

Jerry the footman, the coachman, and a laundry maid made minor mistakes, and there were other small and large issues inside and outside the mansion, but Eren resolved them all within his capacity.

In truth, Eren had wanted to deal with Jerry and Brennen before leaving, but he no longer wished to trouble himself with the mansion’s affairs, so he left them be. Besides, it was Kazen who had wanted to keep them around. He decided to respect his decision.

For Kazen’s sake, he faithfully fulfilled his duties, including paperwork, but that was all. Since this Ducal residence would no longer be a home to which Eren could return, he didn’t want to invest his heart too deeply.

So, after finishing his work, he spent his remaining time preparing for the long journey ahead. He deliberately packed not a single item that would remind him of Kazen. He threw away the clothes, books, pens, and other miscellaneous things he had received from him and bought everything anew.

It had been so long since he had bought things for himself that it was both exciting and difficult. He had plenty of funds, but he kept trying to buy cheap things, forcing him to agonize over his choices.

‘Now, I need to leave a farewell note….’

He wanted to say goodbye to the people he knew, but he didn’t even know who to say it to. He had grown distant from Jayden, and aside from Millie, there was no one whose parting he would regret.

After much thought, Eren left a short letter and a considerable amount of cash for Millie. He couldn’t take money to his grave, so he thought it better to give it to someone who needed it. It would also serve as repayment for the talisman she had given him recently.

Lastly, since Kazen would need a new aide after he left, he had placed a job advertisement in the newspaper. Arnold, a close friend of the newspaper’s owner, helped him with that. The ad was scheduled to start running the day after Eren left.

And finally, up until the very last moment, he organized the Ducal residence’s documents. All urgent matters had been handled, so there should be no confusion until a new aide was found.

“Is this enough?”

Eren muttered to himself as he neatly filed the last of the documents. Thinking it was his final task, he had trouble concentrating, and it took him four hours to finish what would normally have taken two.

“Ah, all done!”

Stretching with satisfaction, Eren checked the clock. 10 p.m. Normally, this was the time Kazen finished his leisurely bath after dinner. But for the past five days, he had been rushing about, busy here and there, often returning well past midnight.

What’s more, even when he came home, he didn’t acknowledge Eren, which was strange. The old Kazen would have raised a commotion, telling him to prepare meals, draw his bath, ready his bed.

If he hadn’t been planning to leave, Eren would have been beside himself with fear. As it was, he was unaffected.

‘Let’s just check if he’s come in.’

Eren carefully took his candle and stepped into the corridor. Whether to match Kazen’s mood, the interior of the mansion was filled with silence. Eren went to the room next door and quietly knocked.

“Come in.”

He was already inside, though Eren didn’t know when he had arrived. Eren’s eyes widened as he opened the door. Kazen, having apparently finished his bath, stood by the window in his robe.

“When did you get in?”

“A while ago.”

Ah, I see. At Kazen’s brief reply, which left him speechless, Eren could only roll his eyes.

“Your bath….”

“I just finished.”

He was relieved that he didn’t need to concern himself, yet at the same time, he felt a little hurt. With complicated feelings, Eren stood still, watching Kazen’s back.

Soon, Kazen slowly turned around. He raised a hand and pointed to a cabinet on one side of the room.

“Bring me a glass of brandy.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Secretly pleased that Kazen had given him a task, Eren approached the cabinet without complaint. He poured the brown liquor into a crystal glass and turned toward Kazen. Kazen was sitting on the couch, looking out the window. He hadn’t known rain was forecast, but raindrops began to patter against the window.

Standing beside the couch, Eren respectfully held out the glass with both hands. Kazen indifferently took the glass and downed it in one gulp. Despite being quite strong liquor, he drank it as if it were water.

“Stay here until I fall asleep.”

Kazen held out the empty glass to Eren as he spoke. As Eren reached for the glass, their fingertips brushed briefly. For an instant, a tingling sensation sparked.

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Startled, Eren flinched his shoulders as he answered. Without any particular reaction, Kazen approached the bed and lay down. Eren waited for him to fall asleep, as instructed. Behind him, the sound of rain pattered faintly.

Gazing at the silent bed, Eren was lost in one final thought. Could he really leave him? A person who couldn’t even fall asleep properly without him—was it right to leave?

Now that he was actually about to leave, his heart wavered. If Kazen hadn’t been acting so coldly toward him lately, he might never have been able to make up his mind.

‘His Highness and Mr. Harrison are both waiting.’

Thinking of the two people helping him, Eren struggled to steel his resolve. Only after hearing Kazen’s even, measured breathing did Eren slowly approach the bed where he lay.

Though Kazen was asleep, he wanted to leave a final farewell.