The Burden of the Law and a Mother’s Pain

Because I had never been a parent, I could not fully understand Choi Sanggyu’s feelings right now.
But even if I couldn’t understand them, there were things I could feel.

“……”

The hand that seemed to be holding the cup rather than just holding it, the reddening eyes, the way he kept his eyes open for a long time to hold back the boiling tears, and then finally lowered his head and barely covered his eyes with his hand.
I moved my lips after a long time.

“The other parents must be feeling the same way.”
“……”
“But you are the first one, Wooyoung’s father, to go and see Councilman Oh in person like this.”

I smiled cautiously to lighten the mood.

“Since there are several child victims, it would be a good idea to talk to the other parents as well. I’ll look for things I can do to help as a lawyer.”
“…Thank you, lawyer.”
“Not at all. This is my job. But you can’t go to see Councilman Oh again like today. If another parent says they will, you have to stop them, sir.”

At my words, Choi Sanggyu looked at me with wavering eyes.
I added once more in a strong tone.
Because it was a very important issue.

“You can’t forget that you were almost accused of being the perpetrator just now. If Councilman Oh reports you again, it could be a factor for aggravated punishment. Then you and the other parents will become the perpetrators instead.”
“What, what kind of law is that? That person, that person’s son is the one who did wrong!”

It was a question that the wronged people who came to me always asked.
What kind of law is that.
Hearing those words made my mouth bitter.
Because I knew what kind of heart they were saying those words with, and what kind of heart they were appealing with.
I hid my bitter mouth and answered as calmly as possible.
Because a lawyer who shows agitation is not a trustworthy lawyer.

“In times like these, you need to look at the situation calmly, sir. That’s how you can protect Wooyoung.”

Excitement makes you miss what’s right in front of you.
I calmed Choi Sanggyu down by talking about that part. After that, I shared the contact information of the other parents with whom I had already finished talking.

“I’ve already explained the situation to these people as well. I’ll contact you again when there’s progress. And if anything happens before that, please contact me right away, sir.”
“Yes… I will do that. Thank you, lawyer.”

I watched the back of Choi Sanggyu as he left the cafe.
I couldn’t see his face, but I could guess his expression from his back.
He must be miserable and angry.
He would probably think over and over again whether he really didn’t know, or if he had ignored his child’s signal because he was busy with work.

‘And the fact that the other party is a city councilman.’

Only when Choi Sanggyu’s back was out of sight did I look away.

[Are you going back to the office?]

‘No, I have somewhere to go.’

Just as you go to the dentist when your teeth hurt, and to the doctor when your stomach hurts, this too requires an expert.

Creak.

I parked familiarly and got out of the car.

‘It’s been a while since I’ve been to the family court.’

Though I rarely had a reason to come.
I naturally passed through the gate and started walking.
I could feel the tips of my own feet becoming impatient.

“I’m not a child, what…”

But in the end, I had to laugh at the sight of myself taking the stairs two at a time.

[Presiding Judge Jang Seongyul]

And I stood silently in front of the nameplate I had found for nearly a minute.

‘…I’m getting nervous for no reason.’

I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock on the door.

Knock, knock.

“Come in.”

The voice coming from inside was the same as the last time I had heard it.

Creak.

I slowly opened the door, entered, and immediately bowed my waist.

“Good afternoon. This is Cha Yohan, who contacted you.”

Judge Jang Seongyul looked at me impassively from behind his transparent, sparkling silver-rimmed glasses.
Even at my greeting, he just looked at me for a moment without a word, and then gestured to the table with his chin.

“Sit there.”
“Yes.”

As I followed Judge Jang Seongyul’s gaze, I saw two cups of warm, steaming tea on the table.
As I sat on the sofa, Judge Jang got up from his desk and sat in the seat opposite me, instead of the head of the table.

“Have some. It should be just warm enough.”
“Thank you.”

Judge Jang was in his early fifties, but he looked younger than that.
It was thanks to his neatly styled hair, his neat-looking glasses and suit, and the faint smile that was always on his expressionless face.
Judge Jang took a sip of tea and spoke first.

“Does the tea suit your taste?”
“Yes, it’s delicious.”
“That’s a relief.”

The fragrant and warm tea slowly thawed my body, which I didn’t even realize had been frozen by the cold.
Judge Jang looked at me once and then opened his mouth.

“But a judge and a lawyer sharing a cup of tea like this could be seen in a different light by someone.”

Because even if it wasn’t a trial right away, it could be seen as a situation that could inevitably raise suspicions of illegal lobbying.
I nodded as if I agreed with his words.

“I’m sure you’re well aware of that, Lawyer Cha. So I’d like to know the reason why you asked to see me. Even mentioning Judge Yoon.”

When I met Won Youngoh again, my heart had been full to see that he hadn’t changed at all from the person I knew.
It was the same now.

‘Senior Jang hasn’t changed a bit either.’

I was so glad to see Senior Jang, who neatly drew the line with his straightforward words and actions.
But on the other hand, I felt a little disappointed.

‘…Because it’s as if it’s all become my own memory.’

Instead of skillfully hiding my disappointed feelings, I organized the current situation and explained it.

“…So for this reason, I came to ask for your help, Your Honor, even though I knew it was rude.”

While I was talking, Judge Jang did not show any particular reaction or change in expression.
It was the same even after I had finished speaking.
A brief silence followed.
Judge Jang opened his mouth only after he had finished his tea in silence for a long time.

“You made it so I couldn’t refuse the meeting by talking about Eunho, and the case you brought with you also reminds me of Eunho.”

A faint longing that he couldn’t completely hide was in his voice.
On his table, there was a small basket containing a familiar candy.
Instead of raising my head to meet his eyes, I looked at those candies.
Because when you meet someone with whom you have built memories, the memories become vivid in an instant, as if they were yesterday’s.

This was a story from a few years ago.
That day was a cold winter day like today, and I had briefly escaped outside to avoid the noisy inside.

“Everyone likes to drink too much, right?”

A question that seemed to be asking for agreement and a sweet smell flew in from behind at the same time.

Swish.

I pushed myself off the wall I had been leaning against and turned my head, and Senior Jang was looking at me, rolling a candy in his mouth.

“Yes.”

I was a new judge, and at this time, Senior Jang was a senior who was still very playful, despite being in his mid-forties.
Some said it was because Senior Jang often saw children through the juvenile trials at the family court.

‘But it looked different in my eyes.’

Instead of hiding his fatigue, Senior Jang trudged over to me.

“You don’t seem to like to drink, Yoonho.”
“It’s Eunho, senior. Yoon is my last name.”
“What’s the difference? You understood me. Think of it as a nickname.”
“…A nickname?”
“Yeah, a nickname. Don’t make a face that says you’re too old for that. At your age, you’re still a young pup.”

Senior Jang rubbed his dark under-eye circles from fatigue and shrugged.
And yet, he didn’t forget to roll the candy in his mouth.
Whenever I saw Senior Jang, he was often sucking on a candy like this, and on that day, I was particularly curious about the reason.
I’m still not sure if it was because of the slight buzz from the alcohol, or because of the word ‘nickname’.

“Do you… like candy?”
“Ah, this? Do you want one too?”

He rummaged through his inner jacket pocket and handed me two green grape candies.

“Thank you.”

I picked one of them up and immediately put it in my mouth. It was an uncharacteristic action for me, who didn’t usually look for sweets.
A sweetness that overcame the tipsy feeling of the alcohol immediately lingered on my tongue.

“I’ve been told to stop eating candy a few times, but this is the first time someone has asked me if I like it.”

Senior Jang then stood next to me and started talking.

“I didn’t used to like candy.”
“What?”

But whenever I saw him, he was sucking on a candy.
Senior Jang smiled an unreadable smile and opened his mouth.

“About two years ago, after a trial, that little kid gave me this much candy in his fist. He said thank you.”

Hoo, Senior Jang let out a slow breath. A breath with a sweet scent scattered into the air like cigarette smoke.
The snow that had fallen a few days ago remained in the alleys. Senior Jang gently rubbed the snow with the tip of his neat shoes.

“And then he said this. ‘Be careful, because if you eat it too hard, you might bleed.’ He said he often does that because it’s so delicious.”
“Ah…”
“Isn’t it amazing? As he was saying that, he pointed to his mouth with his short index finger, and how cute it was that both of his front teeth were missing.”

Crack.

The sound of Senior Jang breaking the candy in his mouth echoed in the alley.
In the alley, which had been faintly changed by the orange streetlight and the colorful lights of the signs, I faced Senior Jang’s determination for the first time that day.

“But I kept thinking about what he said. That if you eat something sweet too hard, you’ll hurt the inside of your mouth. I even did some experiments to see if it was really true, and the kid was right.”

Jang Seongyul, there was no one in the legal field who didn’t know him.
It wasn’t that I had never talked to him, but that day was the first time we had talked alone like this.

“So maybe that’s why. I feel like everywhere is this candy. It’s all so sweet. I sometimes want to forget that I have to be that careful. I started buying one every time, and now it’s a habit.”

I couldn’t understand Senior Jang’s words.

“Who else is as unwavering as you, senior?”

Senior Jang was a person who judged ‘according to the law’, regardless of what wealth or power the ‘juvenile’ defendant’s background had, or what power was watching with wide eyes.
His fame stemmed from that.

“Hey, am I not a person?”

At my words, Senior Jang playfully tapped my shoulder.
And the fact that Senior Jang’s promotion was slower than anyone else’s, in line with that fame, also often became a topic of conversation.
It seemed Senior Jang knew that too.
Therefore, I couldn’t open my mouth with the same story anymore.

“Aren’t you cold? You should have at least worn a coat.”
“It’s refreshing and nice. Why aren’t you going in?”

Senior Jang nodded at me, who was trying to change the subject, and asked back.

“…Just because.”
“Well, I understand. What’s the point of being in there other than getting indigestion? At this time of year, they always talk about the same thing. But it must be your first time, Yoonho.”

And so, Senior Jang accurately pointed out the reason why I had run away from there and continued.

“This government’s policy is like this, so our direction this time is like that… The standard changes with every administration, so is there a point to the existence of the law? If that’s the case, they might as well just write it down.”

Senior Jang unwrapped the candy he had hidden in his fist after giving it to me and put it in his mouth.

“That the powerful are an exception.”

I couldn’t give any answer to those words.
Because whatever I said would have been too easy of an answer.

“A few days ago, in a trial, the defendant said to the victim. That he’s only 13 years old now, and his family is rich, so it doesn’t matter.”
“……”
“But even while listening to that in front of my eyes, there was nothing I could do.”

There was often nothing I could do, even with the law and the victims in front of me.
Senior Jang rolled the candy in his palm several times, as if to gauge that gap.

“You know too, Yoonho, that a protective disposition of grade 10 is at most 2 years. The victims’ pain will probably come back unexpectedly for the rest of their lives.”

Senior Jang’s face was full of all sorts of emotions.
Apology, anger, and a sense of powerlessness at the result that did not change no matter how much he struggled.

“Senior.”

So was that why? I said something uncharacteristic that day.

“But those victims will be glad that there’s a person like you, senior, and that you took on their case.”

The tea in front of my eyes was no longer steaming.

“…Eunho was a junior who gave me strength.”

Though I didn’t know that Senior Jang would bring up that day’s events first.