Shared Schemes

To Peng Biao, a man with zero romantic experience, the words “burying one’s face in a chest” were a concept so scandalous that they were practically on par with stripping off and jumping straight into bed in the eyes of an ordinary person.

Setting aside his embarrassment, wouldn’t such a brash action trigger a rejection from the beautiful youth? After all, the youth was thin-skinned and easily flustered.

But if he didn’t do it, what other way was there to test the youth’s truest reaction to his physique or let him feel the benefits of a strong body?

Peng Biao was torn, paralyzed by indecision.

Right then, the “Relationship Expert” he had hired for a high price sent him another message. Peng Biao hesitated for two seconds before finally clicking to check the message.

Authoritative Relationship Expert: [Listen to me, don’t you dare distrust me or think I’m some internet scammer. I’ve seen plenty of youngsters like you—wanting to chase someone while being overly cautious. Use your brain: who likes a boring block of wood who follows every rule and etiquette all day?]

After reading this message filled with “righteous nonsense,” Peng Biao—who had initially suspected the expert was a fraud—actually found himself getting sucked in. He even felt that the words made a lot of sense.

He patted his face, which was hot enough to fry an egg, and typed back a hesitant reply: [But won’t it cause him to feel disgusted?]

On the other side, the fake expert—actually an internet scammer—could guess the “fat sheep” client’s wavering resolve through the screen and immediately applied a heavy dose of “medicine.”

Authoritative Relationship Expert: [You can’t catch the wolf if you’re afraid to lose the bait. Based on what you said, your crush is a magnet for trouble and he’s currently living in your house. Tsk, such a perfect chance to “get the moon by being close to the water”… if you don’t strike now and someone else gets him, won’t you regret it to death? If you ask me to help break them up later, that’ll be a different price.]

Peng Biao thought about it carefully and realized it was true. In his current position of strength, if he hesitated and let the “moon” be snatched by someone else, he really would regret it forever.

Fine. Regardless of the outcome, he had to try.

Adopting the mindset of “I paid for this, might as well ask,” Peng Biao sent another question, asking for a good way to get the boy to “bury his face in his chest” without revealing his ulterior motives.

Authoritative Relationship Expert: [It’s so simple, do I really have to tell you? How are you still so dense?]

The text was plain, but the disdain was palpable. If anyone else spoke to Peng Biao like that, he would have snapped back, but he didn’t dare offend this expert. After sending over a hundred-yuan red envelope, Peng Biao asked for help with utmost sincerity: [Could you please help me think of a way?]

The scene was ironically familiar. Usually, people spoke to Peng Biao with this level of subservience when begging him to handle spirits.

Karma is a cycle; now, all those “debts” were being repaid through the lovestruck Peng Biao. To win the youth’s favor, he didn’t even care if he was being scammed, seeking outside help like a desperate man.

Fortunately, the Expert became much more patient after the red envelope and sent over the steps.

Authoritative Relationship Expert: [Didn’t you say he’s very timid? Use that. Create a scary atmosphere. When he instinctively looks for comfort, pull him into your arms and give his head a gentle nudge downward. Mission accomplished. Simple.]

Peng Biao had never considered this path. But…

He frowned and typed: [Will that really work? And creating a scary atmosphere…]

Did he have to go outside and catch a few obedient ghosts to bring back? That seemed… inappropriate.

Authoritative Relationship Expert: [Of course it works! That’s how I got plenty of “benefits” back in the day. As for the atmosphere… I keep telling you, you’re not clicking. Just put on a horror movie. Problem solved.]

This finally convinced Peng Biao.

[I understand! Thank you, Expert. If I actually catch him, I’ll send you a huge red envelope.]

The Expert, however, sent back a message with high-level “prestige”: [No need. I told you, I don’t do this for the money. I just want enough to repair the furniture my runaway wife broke.]

[I see. I hope you fix your furniture and get your wife back soon.] Peng Biao stopped talking about money and sent a blessing instead. He put his phone down and peeked at the youth, who was nearly finished with his meal, plotting how to bring up the movie.

Ye Shengge didn’t know what was being plotted. This was the fullest he had ever been; his stomach was stuffed, and he felt like a lazy cat on the sofa, unwilling to move or speak. But seeing the big guy’s hesitating expression, he felt a bit of softness in his heart.

“Do you have something to say to me?”

Peng Biao, lost in his world, nearly fell off his chair. Seeing the boy’s confused gaze, he looked away guiltily. “Nothing! I… I’ll go wash the dishes first.”

The movie could wait until the dishes were done.

Ye Shengge nodded, offering a rare bit of thoughtfulness: “Go ahead. And change your clothes afterward. You’ll catch a cold at night.”

He didn’t want his “treasure chef” getting sick.

“Okay!” Peng Biao nodded like a bobblehead. He knew the concern was likely a bit superficial, but he was still satisfied as he carried the dishes to the kitchen.

While Peng Biao washed dishes and practiced his “movie proposal,” Ye Shengge lay bored on the sofa, wondering how to kill time.

System: [Need me to turn on the livestream comments?]

Ye Shengge’s eyes widened. [Open them! If you hadn’t mentioned it, I’d have forgotten I was even streaming.]

System: […]

The audience, who had been waiting forever, was nearly moved to tears.

[Waaaah! Wifey finally opened the chat! I thought you forgot us!]

Ye Shengge felt a bit guilty but acted righteous: “I didn’t mean to block you for so long, but you guys keep saying… those things.”

[We won’t do it again! Wifey, we learned our lesson! Please don’t block us again!]

[Yeah, it’s so hard to watch and not be able to talk to you.]

[…]

Seeing the apologies, Ye Shengge did a mental “Yes!” and suppressed a smile. “Fine, but you have to behave.”

The audience agreed, even if it meant losing some “fun.”

[I’d rather have a well-behaved wifey than no wifey at all. I won’t say things that make you run away anymore.]

[Upstairs is right.]

[Wifey, can you forgive us now?]

Ye Shengge let the system dim the chat transparency. He peeked at the kitchen to make sure the big guy wasn’t listening. “We’ll see how you perform.”

Ye Shengge continued thinking about how to kill time. Before he could come up with anything, he accidentally spoke his thoughts aloud. The audience quickly chimed in.

[A movie or a livestream! Time flies that way~]

[Hehehe, wifey is staying with the ‘Large-Chested Bodhisattva’ now, right? He should watch a horror movie! Not only is it thrilling, but when he gets scared, he can bury his face in those white pec muscles for comfort. Just thinking about it is exciting.]

[Ssh! Don’t say it! Wifey will block us again!!!]

[Spam the chat, hide that comment! Don’t let wifey see!]

[But watching a horror movie with someone is actually a great choice, especially for a ‘scaredy-cat who loves to play.’ This ‘Bodhisattva’ looks very reliable. Don’t miss this chance.]

[I agree. It’s good practice. What if wifey hits a real ghost dungeon later? If he doesn’t train his courage, he’ll faint for sure.]

Ye Shengge saw the comments. At first, he thought they were just making trouble, but that last comment made him pause. Statistically, he would hit a ghost dungeon eventually. If he didn’t train now…

Hiss… too scary.

“Then… I guess I have to watch one,” he murmured, slumping like a salted fish.

“What?” Peng Biao, coming out of the kitchen, thought he was hallucinating.

Ye Shengge glanced at the man—still in the pink apron and loud shorts—and asked lazily: “Are you free tonight?”

“Yes! Do you need help with something?” Peng Biao straightened up. Even if he wasn’t free, he’d make time.

Ye Shengge smiled. “Good. I want to watch a horror movie, but I’m a bit scared to watch alone. Can you watch with me?”

Peng Biao froze, his lines stolen. He nodded frantically. “I’m willing! Of course I am!”

He didn’t care why the boy wanted to watch; he just cared about the “chest-burying” opportunity. Great!

“Then go change your clothes first. I’ll wait for you.” Ye Shengge noticed the man’s chest muscles trembling with excitement and the chaotic chat box, so he decided to send him away to change. That way, the audience wouldn’t be able to fantasize over an exposed chest.

“Okay! I’ll be right back!” Peng Biao sprinted to his room so fast his apron strings snapped.

Ye Shengge turned on the massive LCD TV and clicked the “Horror” tag. The moment he saw the gruesome covers and terrifying titles, he instantly shut the TV off and curled up on the sofa, eyes closed, waiting for the big guy.

Too scary.