Chapter 56: Fractured Trust, Unspoken Guilt

With trembling hands, I picked up the phone and stared at it. On the screen, the names Yoo Ji-eun and Song Chae-hyun glowed brightly.

I answered the call with my shaking hands.

The moment I did—

• “Why are you answering so late, I-hyun?”
• “Who were you talking to just now?”

Their voices were filled with urgency and worry.

I suppressed the feeling that was about to overflow, adjusted my voice as much as possible, and spoke.

“Y-yes, hello.”

But it seemed that my effort was in vain once again.

• “Huh…? I-hyun, what’s wrong?”
• “What’s going on…?”

Their voices overlapped in concern.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat to steady my voice.

Now, if I could just act like everything was fine—

“Sniff…”

It was hopeless. I couldn’t hide it.

As soon as they realized something was wrong with me, tears began to flow. I thought I was sobbing quietly, but it seemed they could hear everything clearly.

Song Chae-hyun and Yoo Ji-eun, alarmed, pressed me to answer what was going on.

I hesitated, debating whether to speak.

Cold sweat had been pouring down since earlier. I decided I needed to go home first. This place felt too open and dark.

Finally, I turned around and, after confirming that no one was there, managed to enter my home.

The stairs felt impossibly steep, and I could only climb them by holding on tightly with both hands.

I opened the door and collapsed onto the wooden floor as if I had fallen. I didn’t even take off my shoes.

It had been over ten minutes since my breathing had turned rough. My head spun from hyperventilation.

Only then did I manage to speak.

“Sniff… Unnie…”

• “I’m here. I’m listening.”
• “It’s okay, I-hyun… You’re home now, right? You’re safe. Take your time. Breathe deeply.”

“Sniff. Huu… Hic…”

Following her instructions, I took deep breaths, my sobs mixed in.

After a few minutes, my breathing finally settled a little. My vision cleared up slightly.

But then, a fresh wave of sorrow came rushing back.

Through tears, I managed to say,

“I-I… I trusted Seong-hyun…”

• “I-hyun, what happened to you?”

“Th-that… that…”

To speak, I had to recall that moment.

The mocking voice that had echoed behind me, and the content of their conversation.

As I quietly revisited those memories, inevitably—

“Urgh…”

I threw my phone to the ground and dashed toward the toilet as if falling into it.

“Blegh…”

I retched and emptied my stomach there.

Tears streamed down my face. My body had been in bad shape since earlier.

The hyperventilation hadn’t subsided. The edges of my vision were pitch black.

I felt dizzy. My heart pounded loudly. My thighs, which were holding me up, trembled uncontrollably.

From the distance, I could hear their slightly panicked voices coming from the phone.

I had no strength left to respond.

I flushed the toilet and lightly rinsed my mouth before heading back to the phone.

After throwing up, I felt just a little clearer in my head.

“Y-yes, hello?”

• “I-hyun…! are you okay”

“No, no… I’m fine. Hehe…”

I forced a laugh. I had to.

• “How can you say you’re fine!? Did you just throw up!?”
• “What did that jerk do to you!?”

Yoo Ji-eun and Song Chae-hyun’s voices were filled with anger.

“Th-that… Seong-hyun… hic…”

I told them everything that had happened so far.

How he had suggested going to a second location, which turned out to be a bar. Feeling uneasy, I made an excuse about going to the bathroom and left.

How, when I returned, I overheard Seong-hyun talking about me to his friend.

And the details of that conversation, as much as I could remember.

The more I spoke, the more tears streamed down my face. It felt like my sorrow was about to explode.

Yoo Ji-eun and Song Chae-hyun listened silently.

• “This won’t do. I’m coming to you right now,” Ji-eun said.
• “I’ll come too,” Chae-hyun added.

Hearing that, I opened my mouth a few times, struggling to form words.

I couldn’t speak for a while, torn by conflict.

Then I made my choice.

“No… don’t come. Please don’t.”

I shook my head as I spoke.

Both Chae-hyun and Ji-eun were flustered and asked why.

I remained silent for a moment.

I didn’t want them to see me like this.

I felt deeply ashamed of my pitiful state, and I had always felt guilty for dragging them into my mess.

I was also afraid that this might be the moment they decided to leave me for good.

If I was going to feel this way, I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.

…

Last night, I fell asleep right away. I hadn’t even changed out of the clothes I’d worn yesterday.

The first time I woke up was in the early dawn. My heart was pounding at an incredible speed.

I had a nightmare.

In it, Seong-hyun peeked at me through the crack of a door he hadn’t fully closed.

I instinctively glanced at the door. It was shut.

I checked every nook and cranny of the house. Of course, there was no one there.

Thirst burned in my throat, so I took a sip of water and crawled back under the blanket, forcing myself to sleep again.

The second time I woke up was early in the morning.

I had no energy to do anything. My muscles didn’t seem to respond properly.

I recognized this feeling well. It was my mind telling me it no longer wanted to stay awake.

I was too afraid to check my phone.

Not long after, I fell asleep again.

The third time I woke up, it was the middle of the day. The wall clock read 2 PM.

I had slept for about 15 hours.

Finally, I managed to get up.

The lethargy in my body was even worse than before. It felt as though my muscles had completely given out, making movement difficult.

I was dizzy from sleeping so much.

I was already several hours past the scheduled time for my stream.

But I was too scared to start it.

Out of habit, I opened my phone.

There were messages from three people.

Song Chae-hyun, Yoo Ji-eun.

And Seong-hyun.

My heart sank.

The preview of his message popped up.

[“It’s really a misunderstanding. Please contact me so I can explain.”]

There were 11 messages from Seong-hyun before this one.

I stared blankly at the screen.

Suddenly, rage surged within me.

How stupid does he think I am?

Since becoming a woman, I’ve noticed that my cognitive abilities have, in some ways, definitely worsened. I have to admit that now.

Unlike before, when things get complicated or someone pushes their opinion on me strongly, my head starts to hurt, and I often forget what I was even thinking.

But this? This was different. He crossed the line.

I opened my notes app and began typing out the insults I wanted to throw at Seong-hyun.

For the first time in a while, I listed a string of vile curses.

Then, I copied the text, ready to send it.

But I couldn’t bring myself to open the chat with Seong-hyun.

An inexplicable fear held me back.

That f*ck*ing jerk.

Another day passed like that.

I still hadn’t replied to Ji-eun, Chae-hyun, or Seong-hyun’s messages, which kept coming periodically.

I hadn’t streamed.

I didn’t even go on Bell or cause any chaos online.

I simply ordered delivery for meals, stared blankly at my phone, and fell asleep at night.

I was terrified of change.

I was afraid that talking to Ji-eun and Chae-hyun or streaming again would start off fine but suddenly spiral into something terrible.

Just like it had with Seong-hyun.

So I spent my days monotonously.

Today, too, I had lunch and was about to lie down for a while when my phone rang.

Goosebumps rose on my skin.

Could it be Seong-hyun?

With trembling hands, I picked up the phone.

It was Yoo Ji-eun and Song Chae-hyun.

For a moment, I felt a surge of relief.

But it quickly subsided.

Whenever I thought about them, all I felt was guilt.

The phone kept ringing.

I let it ring until it stopped on its own.

After about a minute, the call finally ended.

As soon as it did, a KakaoTalk message from Yoo Ji-eun popped up.

The messages kept coming.

• “How are you doing?”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t even open the app. I just stared at the pop-up notifications.

The alerts continued to update.

• “There are a lot of viewers waiting for you, I Hyun.”

“…Ah…”

I already knew. I had been trying hard to forget. The thought pricked at my heart.

I felt nothing but guilt towards everyone.

• “If it’s too difficult for you to start the stream yourself,”
• “I can explain the situation on your behalf.”

At those words, I pressed my lips tightly together.

I didn’t have the courage to speak on the stream.

The state of my appearance and my inner turmoil—it terrified me to explain why I had ended up like this, whether through spoken words or written text.

And so, after a while, I made a decision.

Just this once.

…

“Sigh…” (yu ji-eun pov)

I exhaled deeply.

Feeling a bit defeated, I stared blankly at the KakaoTalk messages exchanged with Moon I-hyun.

Apologizing sincerely and asking for a favor.

I had sent the message, but I didn’t expect her to reply. I sat there helplessly, staring out the window.

Then my phone buzzed.

Hurriedly, I checked it—it was really Moon I-hyun.

• “I’m really sorry for being such a burden.”
• “If it’s alright, may I ask for your help…?”

At her reply, a hint of relief flickered within me.

Before, she wouldn’t read any of my messages no matter what I sent. But as soon as the viewers were mentioned, she responded immediately.

I wanted her to rely on me more.

If she was distancing herself not because she found me or Chae-hyun bothersome, but because she felt guilty relying on us, I wanted to tell her to stop doing that.

With those feelings, I sent her another message.

“I’m sorry… Please give me a little more time to think.”

It was clear that, while I was okay with the situation, she couldn’t accept it herself.

I turned on my computer.

I logged into Twitch Studio, cleared my throat, and wrote the stream title.

[About I Hyun’s Current Situation.]

Then, I started the stream.

The headlines in the chat and community forums caught my eye:

“Summary of Yoo Ji-eun’s Solo Stream.”
“Pitiful Streamer – Compilation of the Day.”
“High School Dropout Streamer’s Latest Drama Exposed.”