I Was Never the One in Control

To be honest, in that moment, Woojin felt a deep sense of gratitude toward Jeongha. What Haeyoon had gone through was clearly a wound not easily healed. He might be able to pretend he was fine on the surface, but rebuilding the shattered fortress of his heart would inevitably take a long time.

Yet Haeyoon already seemed to have overcome that wound to some extent. If that was truly thanks to Baek Jeongha, Woojin might have even kneeled before him and expressed his gratitude.

But at the same time, Woojin couldn’t help but be wary of Baek Jeongha. Not knowing who he was or whether he could be trusted, he had to be even more suspicious. Sincerity could be faked easily. For some, pretending to be a good person was as easy as breathing.

Woojin also knew that gaining the heart of someone deeply wounded and vulnerable was sometimes as easy as walking into an unlocked house. There were countless stories of people exploiting such vulnerabilities, worming their way in when the other was weak.

So Woojin wanted to meet Baek Jeongha. He felt he had to. Even knowing it might be presumptuous, he had to. If he had made a grave mistake, he needed to stop it before the problem grew bigger. If Haeyoon got hurt again because of his complacency, Woojin felt he would never forgive himself.

“I know it’s not my business. But I thought meeting you directly was a priority, rather than checking with Haeyoon.”

Only then did Jeongha realize that Woojin’s consistently polite demeanor had been a form of consideration. Woojin, in his own way, had been trying to protect Haeyoon with the utmost care.

“I came because if there was a reason you approached Haeyoon, I wanted to hear it. That’s my business here.”

This time, Jeongha quickly drank his beverage. A wave of tension washed over him, stronger than when he had been wary of Woojin. He had never cared about others’ opinions in his life, yet now he strangely felt self-conscious. It was like meeting Haeyoon’s older brother.

“At first, so….”

He started, but his mind went blank. He couldn’t organize where to begin, how to explain. No, more accurately, Jeongha himself didn’t fully understand.

At first, there had been a reason. As he had told Haeyoon, he was curious, he was interested. If he had to add one more reason, there was also guilt.

When he heard that Ahn Seonwoo had stolen Seo Haeyoon’s long-time lover, he couldn’t shake the thought that he had been the catalyst. Because Baek Jeongha had told Seonwoo he’d rather date Haeyoon than him, striking at Seonwoo’s deepest insecurity, Seonwoo had clearly taken revenge on an innocent party.

So Jeongha felt that since he was the root cause, it was only right to help Haeyoon to some extent. He thought it would ease his conscience.

But was that really the case? The reason Jeongha couldn’t answer properly now was a fundamental question he had never considered before.

Was it really simply out of guilt? Was it because he felt he’d found a new game in his boring life? Was he really someone who acted so easily, so emotionally?

Everything felt suspicious now, strange that he had never pondered such things before. Jeongha was, by nature, pathologically uninterested in others’ affairs. He was even less the type to feel responsible for things he hadn’t done.

Whether his words were the trigger or not, the fault lay with Ahn Seonwoo, who vented her anger on the wrong person, and Oh Jaeyeol, who fell for such obvious tricks. Jeongha had nothing to do with it.

Would he really get involved in someone else’s emotional entanglement just for fun, taking on all sorts of trouble, with no clear benefit? Anyone who knew Jeongha would scoff at the idea.

Yet he had done all those things. He had manipulated people behind the scenes, gone to great lengths to approach Seo Haeyoon and help him.

“I….”

In that moment, he recalled a certain day with Seo Haeyoon. Even with the Alpha everyone desired right before him, Haeyoon hadn’t given him a single glance. He had been busy looking after Ahn Seonwoo, showering Oh Jaeyeol with affectionate looks, and if Jeongha was cold to Seonwoo, Haeyoon looked even more hurt.

Even though the person who had been his friend for almost his entire life subtly belittled him at every turn, and the person who was supposed to be his lover said nothing despite witnessing it. Even though he was in such a hopeless situation. Seo Haeyoon had loved and devoted himself to them without a single tremor.

“I… the truth is, I was always worried about Seo Haeyoon.”

Some emotions only take shape when spoken aloud. A bolt of realization struck Jeongha’s mind. Woojin in front of him was no longer important. This confession wasn’t for Woojin’s sake. It was Baek Jeongha’s own realization.

“At first, I thought it was a little funny, and a little… pathetic, that Seo Haeyoon was fooling himself into thinking Oh Jaeyeol and Ahn Seonwoo were good people when they clearly weren’t. Yes, I thought he was pathetic.”

His impressions of Seo Haeyoon had always been like that. Foolish, stubborn, stupid, naive. Clearly someone who would get hurt someday.

But looking back, even as he made those judgments, Baek Jeongha had never once truly mocked him. His assessment, though cold, was more like concern. A worry for someone too pure to be around people like Ahn Seonwoo and Oh Jaeyeol.

“I’m not someone who concerns himself with people unrelated to me, yet… strangely, this person Seo Haeyoon kept lingering in my mind. Whether he was still dating Jaeyeol, whether he was still friends with Seonwoo.”

“…….”

“I didn’t know Seo Haeyoon well, but when I heard Oh Jaeyeol and Ahn Seonwoo were getting married, one thing I was sure of. That he would do nothing, just endure it.”

Jeongha’s gaze, which had been fixed blankly on the table, turned back to Woojin. The jumbled, confused thoughts in his mind began to clear, one by one.

“I hated that. And at the same time… I saw it as an opportunity.”

“An opportunity?”

“An opportunity to meet Seo Haeyoon again, the one I had foolishly let slip away once.”

The truth was, Baek Jeongha had been regretting it all along. He just hadn’t realized it. He regretted not warning Haeyoon, not saying anything to him, not even trying to approach him, just letting him drift away.

Unaware that Seo Haeyoon, with his cool, beautiful face, who had believed in love and people and devoted himself to them, had been etched deep in his heart, Jeongha had only thought it strange that he sometimes thought of that foolish face.

Yet, unable to let go, unable to forget Seo Haeyoon even without understanding why, Baek Jeongha had uncharacteristically focused on him, used guilt that wasn’t his as an excuse, and eventually forced his way into Haeyoon’s world.

“A chance to make up for the mistake of once turning my back on him. I wanted to seize it. That’s why I approached him, even using Yang Juchan. That’s my answer.”

After speaking, Jeongha let out a short breath. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. As he grew closer to Seo Haeyoon, there had always been a foggy corner of his heart he couldn’t clearly see. Today, he had finally been able to look there.

Contrary to the serious atmosphere, he felt like laughing. It turned out that from the very beginning, Baek Jeongha had been in a grand delusion. The delusion that he held the upper hand in this relationship.

He had thought he was skillfully steering the naive Seo Haeyoon in the direction he wanted, but looking back, Baek Jeongha had nothing from the start. Every step he took to get closer to Haeyoon was actually Baek Jeongha’s desperate struggle to be by his side.

The realization was amusing and hollow, yet also gratifying, so Jeongha suppressed the laughter rising within him.

“…I see. I’m sorry for barging in like this. Thank you for answering.”

Woojin nodded slowly after a long pause. Baek Jeongha’s dawning realization felt as vivid as if it were his own. Baek Jeongha’s concern and desire for Haeyoon existed right there. It was intensely, almost dangerously fervent, yet it was undeniably genuine.

When he had come here, Woojin had wanted to confirm something. He wanted to know if Baek Jeongha was safe, if he was a dangerous person for Haeyoon.

But hearing Jeongha’s answer, Woojin realized how meaningless that thought was. Some people might be so indifferent they hurt no one, while some feelings could be so fiercely sincere they might cause hurt.

But one meaningful fact was clear: Baek Jeongha’s feelings for Seo Haeyoon were far from frivolous.

Letting out a short sigh, unsure if it was worry or relief, Woojin continued.

“I suppose it’s best for the two of you to sort things out yourselves. I won’t mention this conversation to Haeyoon.”

Woojin’s role ended here. As a friend, he could knock on the stepping stones Haeyoon would cross, but he couldn’t dig up the ground to check how well they were embedded. All he could do now was hope Haeyoon wouldn’t be deeply hurt by someone again.

“Yes.”

Jeongha replied briefly, then abruptly turned his head to look out the window. The sky was unusually overcast today, and the dry, bleak scenery outside reminded him of Seo Haeyoon when they had met again.

Perhaps even in that moment, even in those moments when he was babbling about it being an interesting game, all he had wanted was to restore Seo Haeyoon’s colors.

Suddenly, he missed Haeyoon unbearably. That person who had stirred his soul from the very first moment they met.