The Weight of a Broken Crown

I felt a sudden jolt of fear at the touch of his arms, encircling me like a cage.

His presence pressed against my bare thighs, growing more prominent with every movement… d*mn it.

I wrenched my gaze away from his face, which remained unnervingly devoid of expression.

“I, now, that—”

“He is not someone you should pity.”

I pulled my captured hand from his grip.

He let go obediently.

I tried to awkwardly push my upper body up, but he shifted his weight.

I felt him rub against me, right between my seat.

I wavered, nearly toppling over, and had to brace one arm beside his head to keep my balance.

My eyes, which I had tried so hard to avert, met his again.

Unlike his stoic face, his gaze was… f*ck.

Truly.

My breath hitched.

I think I knew who the “he” was that he kept referring to.

He was talking about Kallios.

He had looked at me with those exact eyes.

That boy.

“Do I look different from him in your eyes?”

The lingering pain in my chest was nothing compared to the terror of the gaze looking up at me as if to devour me.

My body shook so violently that my braced elbow kept buckling.

If I hadn’t clenched my teeth, they might have made a pathetic rattling sound.

How did this happen?

What is this?

Why, so suddenly?

I slid off him very slowly.

Honestly, I wanted to bolt out of the room, but I felt that the moment I turned my back to run, he would seize me by the scruff of the neck and tear my throat out.

He didn’t feel like the younger brother I had known for ten years; he felt like a predator that would maim me.

With trembling hands, I gathered the blanket to cover my nakedness and backed away.

He watched me silently, only sitting up once I had completely climbed off the bed.

His movements were slow, as if trying to signal that he wasn’t a threat.

“Kaian.”

I didn’t answer, just gripped the blanket tighter.

Kallios stood up from the bed.

I backed away further, tripping over the trailing blanket.

Instead of catching me, he simply walked past.

I pressed my back against the wall, watching him.

He picked up his shirt from its usual spot, put it on, buttoned it, and then neatly donned his outer coat.

“Kallios.”

My own voice startled me, making my shoulders flinch.

He adjusted his collar and sleeves before responding.

“Yes.”

He didn’t look at me, nor did he come closer.

I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them.

“What’s wrong with you?”

My voice trembled miserably.

“Why…”

It wasn’t because I was stupid or dense that I had accepted his physical affection without complaint all this time.

What brothers in the world are stuck together like we were?

I knew it was strange, but I ignored it.

Because I wanted us to keep being us.

I am your brother, and you are my brother.

Biologically, we didn’t share a drop of blood, and as the “me” who possessed Kaian, I had no real relation to him, but I wanted him to be my brother.

I wanted us to be family.

Kallios… he was precious to me.

I didn’t want to lose him.

“Why are you doing this all of a sudden…”

I’m trying so hard, so why are you doing this?

Why are you trying to break everything?

I felt a surge of sorrow.

I was sad.

I was terrified.

I rubbed my stinging eyes.

Amidst the shallow breaths of my rising grief, I spoke impulsively.

“I’m going to the Grand Duchy.”

He left the room without a word.

Only after the door clicked shut did the strength leave my body, and I collapsed where I stood.

I was ill for quite a while.

I wasn’t sure if it was from overexerting my power or the shock.

Probably both.

Regardless, I drifted in and out of feverish sleep.

He could have kept me locked in that spire forever, but he didn’t.

Just as he could have taken what he wanted from me at any time, but chose not to.

He returned everything I once had.

Isaac and the young Duke Jager Tephersa, who had become Isaac’s successor, took turns guarding my side.

Sierra and Loti brought armfuls of autumn flowers to decorate my bedside.

Lamiere visited often to tell me about the ruins or happenings at the Academy.

I tried to smile and treat them normally, but it wasn’t easy.

I was in too much pain, and whenever my mind cleared, thoughts of him followed.

The boy who desired me, yet would do nothing if I did not wish it.

Kallios, who called me “Kaian” as if he no longer wanted to be my brother.

My brother.

At first, it was just bleak and agonizing, but after thinking it over during my bouts of lucidity, I realized.

This was the punishment from the ruins.

The true punishment that he and I were forced to receive.

Perhaps because my body was weak, the heartache brought me to tears.

Isaac comforted me, saying he would protect me no matter what.

His words were sweet, but they offered no solace.

I wailed and beat my chest.

I hated the Guardian of the Ruins for giving us this punishment.

I hated the “Kallios” who desired me.

I hated myself for being so happy to see the boy who had come to save me without knowing anything.

I hated myself the most.

He visited in the late afternoon.

The wind was cold as winter loomed, but Sierra and Loti ran excitedly through the desolate garden where almost all the leaves had fallen.

I watched them, then checked the face of the boy who sat down beside me without a greeting.

He didn’t look much better than I did, though I had been the one deathly ill.

I didn’t ask if he was sleeping.

The pale complexion and the shadows under his eyes told me everything.

He opened a book as soon as he sat.

I watched his hand turn the pages, then looked away.

The two children in the distance had picked up sticks to use as swords and were play-fighting.

I held a warm teacup with both hands, watching them.

The sound of pages turning was rhythmic.

From afar, the laughter of the children digging, rolling, and stacking stones reached us.

It was a peaceful afternoon.

My heart was loud with awareness of Kallios sitting across from me, but the outward atmosphere was tranquil.

I leaned back in my chair and pulled my scarf up to cover everything to my nose.

“Kaian.”

He called me.

I flinched at the unfamiliar address, but quickly acted nonchalant, setting down my teacup as I answered.

“Yeah.”

“Are you leaving?”

Even while he had me locked away, and while I lay bedridden, the preparations for my departure to the Kaian Grand Duchy were proceeding steadily.

The old Aphelion Royal Castle had been reclaimed, and construction of a Magic Tower had begun in Baron Bennett’s territory.

To secure the Grand Duchy, I was to receive two Imperial Knight orders, one Mage division, and one legion stationed in the North.

Thanks to introductions from Ilios and Dean Herenso, the administrative staff for the Duchy was also secured.

Kallios couldn’t possibly be unaware of such a massive drain of manpower and wealth from the Empire.

In the first place, he was the one who final-checked and signed the proposals submitted in my name.

Asking despite knowing was his way of seeing if my heart was set on leaving.

I didn’t answer.

“Kaian.”

“Yeah.”

“It is alright.”

“…”

“You may pass it all to me.”

He spoke while turning a page, as if talking about nothing important.

“The pain, the suffering. All of it.”

“…”

“You do not have to endure.”

“…”

“You do not have to hold on.”

“And you?”

“Yes.”

He looked at me.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand to clear my blurred vision.

No matter how many times I rubbed, the world wouldn’t brighten.

It only grew hazier.

He didn’t pull me into an embrace or stroke my back.

The sound of a page turning echoed again.

I wept silently, covering my face with my hands.

I was truly miserable.

Every time I thought about why things had turned out this way, the conclusion was always the same: it was my fault.

If I hadn’t been weak, if I hadn’t been so reckless, if I… if I wasn’t Kaian.

If I had just died like in the original story.

I hated myself.

I truly loathed myself.

But what I hated most was knowing that even though my existence was fundamentally flawed, I couldn’t give up this life.

I loved the things I had, the people by my side, and Kallios far too much.

Even with things this twisted, I couldn’t let go.

I wanted to keep him near.

That’s why…

“And you…”

I couldn’t ask if he was truly okay with that.

I wanted him to protect me.

I wanted him to support me.

If someone asked if I wanted him to do this—if I wanted him to shoulder it all alone…

“I’m sorry.”

Yes.

I… I suppose I wanted that.

His words, though painful and cruel, were a relief.

I couldn’t refuse.

I’m suffering so much, so you take it.

Let me be spoiled.

You’re the only one I have to lean on.

Because even in this situation, I don’t want to give up anything.

Because I want to keep you by my side…

As if he knew everything, he stayed by my side until my tears finally stopped.

I left the Imperial City on the day of the first snowfall.

Kallios, wearing the Emperor’s crown and holding the scepter, and Sierra, in her formal dress, came out to see me and the knights off.

Count Isaac Ipsent would become the guardian knight of the First Princess after finishing his escort of me to the Kaian Grand Duchy.

The farewell was grander than expected, and more stoic than I imagined.

I felt lingering regrets for the things I left behind, but it wasn’t deep enough to make me stop or look back.

I was… happy that I could walk away from the unsolvable problems that had been crushing my chest.

A brief sense of self-loathing for choosing to run away surfaced, but it vanished quickly.

I’ve always been a selfish person.

It was nothing new.

Of course, I… I was still worried about him.

The face of the brilliantly beautiful young Emperor was shadowed with deep exhaustion.

He now had to endure sleepless nights alone.

He had to protect “himself” while carrying the memories of another self who had lived a long and heavy life.

The punishment I left behind and fled from would also weigh him down.

Dmn it, dmn it all, f*ck.

I swallowed the rising sob.

The one who should be the most sorrowful was acting perfectly calm; I couldn’t be the one blubbering.

Since I left everything to him, I had no right to suffer.

I took a deep breath and looked straight ahead.

The first snow, thick and heavy, danced before my eyes.

It took exactly ten years to be able to touch his sun-like golden hair.

But the distance where I could call out and never be reached happened in an instant.

I traveled without rest, and only after crossing the border did I look back.

Now I felt safe.

Now I began to miss the hill of Siberian chrysanthemums we had seen together.

Kallios.

I called the name I hadn’t uttered once since that day.

As soon as I arrived in the Duchy, I held my coronation.

The Grand Duke of the Kaian Grand Duchy became the Grand King of Kaian.

Life as a King wasn’t bad.

There were so many things to do and so many annoying tasks that I didn’t have time to think.

I lived buried in work, fell asleep exhausted, occasionally fell ill from the grueling schedule, and before I knew it, the year had turned.

And so, midwinter arrived.

The season when packs of hungry monsters attack.

They said ten times more monsters than usual were pouring down from the mountains.

It was a monster wave that had never appeared in the original story.