A Hero’s Melancholy

It was a good thing, wasn’t it? Hamman’s Stigmata could only be received by apostles acknowledged by Hamman. If you caught demons with me and got an apostle position for free, wasn’t that a total steal?

Becoming an apostle isn’t as easy as it seems, especially for an NPC.

“But I didn’t do it myself.”

I couldn’t quite grasp their disposition. They just received it a bit earlier, that’s all.

“What’s there to worry about when all you have to do is catch demons? You’ve already caught two.”

“You did everything. I, we… did nothing at all.”

“Isn’t getting a free ride a good thing? You should just say thank you, so why are you so angry?”

Even players, not just NPCs, usually expressed gratitude if someone hunted on their behalf. Helping out through difficult sections was a perfectly normal occurrence. What was so bad about carrying a newbie and providing them with equipment? I couldn’t understand why they disliked me so much. It was just a small thing; I could easily help them out.

Jack, seeing my face, actually scowled himself. Baffled, I returned his sullen gaze. After a moment, Jack sighed and spoke.

“First, put some clothes on. I think that would be a good start.”

“Won’t you stop? I don’t want to hear it.”

“You were the one who asked. What am I supposed to do if you say you don’t like my answer?”

Hmm, that’s true, but.

I had decided to take these guys along because I thought it would be fun. But it was proving to be less entertaining than I’d expected. They constantly refused to fight, rejected anything I offered, and whenever I tried to talk, they just stared blankly with strange expressions.

“I don’t know, okay? Demons or whatever, all this talk about suddenly saving the world.”

“You guys just need to enjoy yourselves. Eat delicious food and do fun things with me. If it’s too hard, I won’t force you to hunt.”

“Then what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you gain by doing all this?”

This time, he genuinely seemed angry. I couldn’t fathom why. No matter how I thought about it, there was no word or context that should have provoked such anger. After a brief moment of contemplation, I simply smiled.

“I just… want you to be happy.”

“This is… fun?”

“Honestly, I sometimes wonder what I’m even doing.”

Does this even have meaning? My energy was draining.

A melancholic feeling inexplicably settled over me. Ah, damn it. Why was I like this again? I thought this happened last time too; was it not just my imagination? Even opening my status window revealed nothing immediately visible.

“No matter how well I treat you, you dislike me, and I don’t even know why. I just thought it would be good if we traveled together… but in reality, I’m bored all by myself.”

I didn’t know what it was, but it felt as if I could now physically sense the prelude to a status ailment. Why did I feel this way? It was getting worse by the day.

“If the demons disappear, it would be a good thing, but I won’t be here anymore either. So, before all the demons are gone, shouldn’t we enjoy ourselves a little more? Becoming stronger is a good thing, isn’t it? Playing in amazing places others don’t know about, eating delicious food, accomplishing incredible feats… everyone likes those things.”

Ah, no. I couldn’t get swept away by emotions. My mind told me this wasn’t right, yet my nose stung. I felt like crying.

[Logout.]

[Cannot be executed. Please check the main quest.]

It’s okay. No, I don’t know. Tears finally welled up. I even felt wronged. No matter how I thought about it, wasn’t this really not the time to cry? Why couldn’t I control myself?

As I began to cry, Jack flustered, not knowing what to do.

“H-hey, first, don’t cry… just calm down.”

“I won’t ask you to hunt with me. Let’s just go exploring. That’ll be fine, right?”

“No, that’s… damn it. That’s the problem!”

I didn’t know why Jack was shouting. I didn’t know why I was crying. My mind understood this situation was absurd, but the tears wouldn’t stop. I felt like I was going insane.

‘No, perhaps I already am insane?’

“It’s a mess! Damn it, I don’t have the talent for saying things like this!”

“Will you either shout or just quietly comfort me? Just pick one!”

“I don’t know either! One moment you’re not even like a human, the next you’re acting like a child! From afar, you just look like a crazy person walking around naked in an outrageous outfit! But then to just leave you and abandon you, that bothers me too, and it’s annoying!”

Even as he shouted, the hand patting my back was quite gentle. This guy really had a strange personality.

“But I’m still going to make you stronger.”

“Didn’t you just say we don’t have to hunt demons?”

“You don’t have to, but… I told Hamman I’d take you to hunt demons, which is how you received the Stigmata. To pay him back properly, you’d have to reach max level, at the very least, so Hamman can save face, right?”

Ah, I felt snot coming. As I sniffled, Jack, looking disgusted, handed me a towel. I promptly blew my nose loudly into it.

‘My nose stings so much.’

[Jack’s Perspective]

“Wait. Are you sleeping now? Are you really sleeping?”

He had cried himself to sleep, still seated. Jack, whose clumsy pats on his back had ceased, was dumbfounded. To suddenly burst into tears and then fall asleep just like that? Even stranger was that he maintained his sitting posture throughout.

“He did used to sleep sitting up, but…”

He rarely slept in a bed. He had slept with Nocturne once due to that ‘Void’ phenomenon, but most of the time, he would fall asleep while sitting somewhere. Even then, he would merely lean his back against something. He might stick his greatsword into the ground, or lean against a chair or a wall as he slept.

Jack’s mind was a tangled mess.

He referred to humans differently from himself. Though the exact words were often beyond comprehension, the underlying context was clear. He would show boundless mercy, yet behave with utter ruthlessness towards those who harmed other humans, treating them as if their very existence was beneath consideration. Those who harm humans are not human. They are worse than monsters. As a follower of God, Jack felt such a mindset was wrong, yet at the same time, he found himself captivated by it.

His nonsense sometimes seemed quite plausible. Very rarely.

“What is this, really…?”

Jack ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it, but no answers emerged from the void. Of course not. How could a conclusion be reached if there was nothing to conclude from?

Such outlandish events simply did not exist within the realm of Jack’s common sense.

Talk of defeating demons or saving the world still felt utterly unreal. The demon he had shown them was supposedly the weakest. The form of evil he had witnessed for the first time was pure terror, enough to make him forget to breathe—and yet that was the most insignificant? There were more horrifying things? And they were supposed to defeat them? How could that be possible?

A lukewarm warmth emanated from the skin of his back as Jack’s hand touched it. He was clearly alive, breathing. His blood was red, his body warm. Jack gently lifted the sleeping figure and carried him to the bed.

Lying there with his eyes closed, he was utterly, profoundly silent.

This was a monster. An indescribable, unknown entity. He was as mysterious and shrouded in enigma as the symbol of the Goddess of Fortune Jack believed in. And yet, he was also endlessly ignorant and fragile.

“You don’t need to go this far.”

His reasons were utterly childish. ‘I want to be happy. I hope it’s fun. I was happy you came to save me. I was excited to travel together.’

What utter nonsense this was. Jack couldn’t comprehend it, and he doubted anyone else could either. To do something for such a long time that no one recognized, then simply smile and say it was enough if people were happy.

He said he was happy they had come to save him. He had saved countless people, yet no one had ever tried to save him.

Upon reflection, it wasn’t so strange. No human could possibly be that strong, and if it was something he couldn’t do, then an ordinary human certainly couldn’t accomplish it. It was surely because of this that no one had ever tried to save him. Yet, because of that trivial fact, he was trying to make Jack and Faust into heroes.

“What in the world are you?”

As he covered the sleeping figure with a blanket, Jack’s face crumpled in a solitary frown.

Even he, a believer in God, had never seen or considered making others into heroes. One could help others. One could feel pity. If possible, one could even take on someone else’s burden. But that was merely the extent of it.

Jack still couldn’t bring himself to call him by his name.

[MC’s Perspective]

“Even if they were weak species, I caught two leaders….”

A black mark had appeared right in the center of my chest. Opening my status window, I saw that the ‘Void’ status ailment had manifested. Until recently, it would at least show a prelude, but now it seemed even that wasn’t working properly.

‘No wonder. I thought it was strange when I started bleeding and my hand was pierced despite my HP barely dropping. I just brushed it off, but it must have been because the ‘Void’ debuff was reducing my defense.’

“W-what is that on your chest?”

“Haven’t I shown you before? This is the ‘Void’.”

A faint, jet-black aura wafted from it. A small hole, barely large enough for a single finger to pass through, had formed.

“Why are you p-putting your hand in there?!”

“Just checking its size.”

Jack, who had been donning his armor, gasped in horror at the black hole on my chest. He looked at me with a disgusted expression and spoke.

“Didn’t you say it d-disappears when you catch a demon?”

“The demon I caught this time was too weak, so it didn’t last long, I guess.”

‘Come to think of it, the demons I’d enjoyed hunting so far had all been high-ranking leaders. I rarely had reason to hunt tutorial-level weak leaders, the kind that might be lying around unnoticed, except in the very early days or when experimenting.’

‘It had been about ten days since I caught the second demon, or perhaps more than a week. I hadn’t been keeping track of game time, but it seemed quite a bit had passed. It was about time for it to appear.’

‘The manifestation of the ‘Void’ wasn’t really my concern. It posed no significant problem. The real issue was that this could potentially plummet the already abysmal favorability of these kids into negative territory.’

It was driving me crazy that the favorability grind wasn’t going well as it was… Just then, Jack asked.