Chapter 59: In the Wake of Silence

“Aahh?

I came to my senses from the lustful groan I had made.

My body trembled slightly.
My teeth clenched tightly.
My eyes tried to rise upward little by little.

This sensation… is familiar…. no way…?

“W-wait… wait a minute…”

I spoke in a hoarse voice and twisted my body, trying to escape from their arms.

But as if they couldn’t hear my words at all…

As if trying to keep me from escaping, they tightened their grip on me, like snakes.

I couldn’t escape.

The difference in strength was too extreme.

The warm and moist lips sucked my cheek a little more forcefully.

“Ah, aaah… mm!?”

The groans that followed made my chest drop, and I covered my mouth.

I couldn’t let them find out.

If they found out, they might really be disappointed in me.

To feel something like that during a playful moment between women…

If I compared it to something between men… it would be truly awful.

I didn’t even want to imagine it…

I desperately suppressed my groans for several minutes, until they finally pulled their lips away.

“Heh, heh…”

I barely managed to steady my breath.

Perhaps it was the same for them, as they were trying to calm their slightly roughened breaths.

I glanced up nervously at them, who were taller than me.

They didn’t seem to have a panicked expression.

They were just staring at me blankly.

“Did you see?”

I wasn’t sure from their expressions, so I asked, with a nervous heart.

I tried to phrase it as indirectly as possible.

“Mm…?”

“Yes…? What do you mean?”

They both looked at me with confused expressions.

‘It seems they didn’t know… that’s a relief.’

With a slight sense of relief… I tried to calm down the excited feeling.

I repeated to myself over and over: my legs must never, never close together.

Yoo Ji-eun and Song Chae-hyun stayed in bed with me for a few more hours, lazing around, and left around sunset.

Both of them were busy, so I worried, but they both said it was fine for today. They seemed really worried about me.

After they left, I lay down in bed blankly.

Then I turned on my phone and opened KakaoTalk.

In the group chat, there were long comforting messages from Song Chae-hyun and Yoo Ji-eun that had arrived just minutes ago.

I sent them a thankful reply, feeling my heart warmed by their words.

After that, I left the group chat.

Right below, a contact caught my eye.

Lee Seong-hyun.

Since that time, I hadn’t received any more messages from him.

I stared at it for a while, then blocked his contact.

I set the phone down and blankly stared at the ceiling.

I felt a little empty.

The person who had stirred up such a violent storm in my heart was now gone with just the touch of a finger.

I didn’t feel any particular emotion.

I didn’t want him to suffer or be punished.

I just… didn’t want him to appear before me again.

After staring blankly at the ceiling for a while, I got up.

It was time to gather courage once more.

I turned on my computer.

I opened the Bell studio, then typed with trembling fingers.

[High school dropout, unemployed, never had a girlfriend, pretty girl]

I could just press the broadcast button now.

But I was scared.

I was afraid of how the viewers would react.

Yoo Ji-eun had told me that she’d shared everything I had gone through on the broadcast, as I had asked.

But I was afraid that the viewers might hate me.

They might scold me, telling me why I met people so easily in real life, calling me a rag.

For me, the viewers were now more than just spectators.

They held a significant part of me, a big share in who I was.

Song Chae-hyun, Yoo Ji-eun, and the viewers.

These three had become the most important people to me lately.

Sometimes, someone would come in, insult me in the chat or through donations, and leave.

Every time that happened, my heart would drop, and I would be hurt. I would cry at night.

When I turned off the broadcast, I’d nervously check if that user was a troll account or someone who usually watched my stream.

In every case, it was the former.

But if it was the latter… I felt like I would never be able to forget it.

And if, in a huge shock to me, the viewers who loved me started blaming me…

I didn’t think I’d be able to endure it.

But, I had to do it. I couldn’t run away.

I didn’t want to cause more trouble for the viewers either.

With that thought, I pressed the broadcast button.

And waited for a while.

At this point, many people had gathered.

But I was too scared to open my eyes.

Panic symptoms started coming back.

I kept thinking in the worst possible direction.

But no matter how scared I was, if I didn’t look soon…

With trembling eyes, I lifted my head and looked at the chat.

There, I saw:

• “You’re backᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲ”
• “I missed you.”
• “Are you okay?”
• “I really missed you, pretty girl…”

“Ah…”

A groan escaped me.

I clenched my lips tightly.

I tried to hold back my tears.

“Ugh… I missed you all…”

• “I missed you too ᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲᅲ”
• “Don’t cry, it hurts my heart.”
• “Ugh, my heart hurts.”
• “Why do I feel like crying too…….”

“I didn’t even turn on the broadcast… and I didn’t post a notice, sorry for not having the courage… I felt so dirty… I’m sorry if you hate me…”

• “Look……”
• “Why would I hate you for something you didn’t do wrong?”
• “What’s dirty about it? Isn’t it his fault?”
• “No, you have no reason to be insulted, so what are you saying?”
• “Anyway, your heart is so fragile.”

“Ugh… huff….”

As the flood of comforting messages poured in, tears came streaming down.

Various donations stacked up.

1,000 won, 10,000 won.

Even donations in the tens of thousands of won came in.

Most of them contained long comforting messages.

Normally, I would find such cheesy messages annoying, but now, I felt so grateful for them.

The amount didn’t matter.

Whether it was in chat or as donations, they were all words from precious people to me.

As I responded to each donation, I continued,

“Thank you, everyone…”

I said it with sincerity, hoping my love would reach them too.

“When we joke around or act spoiled… or sometimes when I’m being childish, the truth is, I really like you all…”

“I never think of you as just a money source or just another viewer. When you’re sad, I’m sad, and when you’re happy, I’m happy… Each one of you is so precious to me…”

“Thank you so much for loving me… I really love you all… I probably love you more than you love me…”

• “I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too! I love you too!”
• “I love you too, I-hyun.”
• “In this difficult world, watching your stream is my only solace.”

The flood of love kept coming, and I continued to sob.

My nose was stuffy, and I kept sniffing.

• “Wipe your nose.”
• “Hehe.”

“What?”

“No, it’s not snot.”

I quickly covered my nose and said.

I said it, but what should I say next?

“Uh… the tears came out of my nose.”

Suddenly, the warm atmosphere in the chat turned into a teasing one.

“If you laugh, I’ll kick you out…”

I said, with a slightly flushed face.

Of course, I didn’t really intend to do that.

• “I’m glad it’s working out, I-hyun.”
• “Yeah, me too.”

“Hehe…”

It seemed like they were all watching my stream.

After chatting a bit more, as soon as I ended the broadcast, I got a call from both of them.

They seemed to want to comfort me, who was still feeling a bit down, by talking about various things.

• “Let’s forget about this bad thing now.”
• “Yeah, it’ll be hard, but… it’s better to forget. The more you think about it, the worse the memories get…”

“Yeah…”

I nodded as I listened.

There was a brief moment of silence.

But suddenly, Song Chae-hyun clapped her hands and said,

• “Okay! Let’s change the mood. Staying gloomy will only have a bad effect. Don’t you have something you want to do, I-hyun? Something you need to do?”

“Eh?”

At the sudden question, I was momentarily at a loss for words.

I didn’t have anything in mind that I wanted to do.

But something I needed to do…

“I don’t know how to pick an editor.”

• “You need to find an editor?”
• “Hmm… seems like it.”

I definitely needed to find an editor again.

Since the incident, I couldn’t keep trembling in fear.

… But…

“I… I want to find a female editor. Men… scare me.”

For a moment, there was a solemn silence.

“So… if any of your friends do that kind of work, could you introduce me?”

“Hmm… sorry, but I don’t have anyone like that around me. Yoo Ji-eun works in a similar field, but it’s probably a bit different.”

• “I don’t have anyone either… sorry.”

“Uh… it’s okay.”

What should I do?

Should I open the notice again, but limit it to women?

I was pondering when,

• “Eh? What did you say, Chae-rin?”

Suddenly, the audio from Song Chae-hyun became chaotic.

I heard someone’s urgent voice, and Song Chae-hyun seemed flustered as she kept answering.

• “No way, you can do that?”
• “Since when? Huh? What? Ah, okay.”

Then,

• “……”
• “Umm, I-hyun?”

“Yeah?”

• “Could you maybe give my younger sister, Chae-rin, an interview? She says she knows how to do editing.”

“Yeah…?”

I was stunned for a moment, as her name came up so suddenly.

“Wait, you can do this kind of work?”

More words exchanged.

… Something about Chae-rin’s calm image seemed to fit with this.

Song Chae-hyun came back to the phone and said,

• “Well… Chae-rin wants to come to your place right now and show you her work.”

“R-Right now?”

• “Yeah. Oh? She wants me to change something? Hold on, I-hyun.”

The conversation became chaotic again.

• “Hello?”

A different, soft voice than Song Chae-hyun’s came through.

“Ah, yeah. Chae-rin…”

• “C-Can you maybe give me an interview? I’ve practiced before and know how to do it…”

“Yeah! Of course.”

If it’s Chae-rin, I can trust her.

And honestly, I don’t expect perfect quality in the editing. I’m not exactly professional myself.

“Umm… but, if you just want to send me some work, wouldn’t it be better to send it by email?”

At that, Chae-rin was silent for a moment before replying.

• “I want to see your face…”

I heard a slightly sad voice.

Ah, Chae-rin must know.

She must understand what happened to me.

I told her I understood. Chae-rin thanked me and handed the phone back to Song Chae-hyun.

I sat silently for a moment before speaking.

“Is Chae-rin coming alone?”

• “Umm… probably.”

“Huh?”

“Are you not worried about Chae-rin?”

• “Worried?”

Song Chae-hyun’s confused voice came through.

Hearing her tone, I suddenly remembered.

That’s right.

I’m a woman.

And Chae-rin is shorter than me by at least a hand’s width.

“Chae-rin, do you ever type in my stream’s chat?”

“… Huh? Yeah…”

“Can you tell me your nickname?”

“Yeah, yeah!?”

Chae-rin sounded suspiciously surprised.

“Why, what’s wrong…?”

Chae-rin replied in a voice that couldn’t hide her confusion.

“Well… I trust Chae-rin, but I’m wondering if she might have typed something bad.”

Chae-rin, looking around, seemed to have no escape, so she sighed deeply and said,

“Spaghetti 123.”

“What…?”

Isn’t that the person who was obsessed with virgins…?