Until this Opaque feeling becomes Clear

In that moment, as Neil Bolton asked what piece she would play, Selene recalled the day Theron had knelt before her, offering a bouquet.
It was likely because Theron’s gaze, as he watched her at the piano, was as clear and passionate as it had been that day.
Like the transparent waters of the sea revealing everything within, Theron’s eyes were adept at conveying his emotions and thoughts.
At first, she couldn’t distinguish them well, hidden behind a mask-like smile, but now Selene knew that his eyes were the most honest part of him.
And those eyes were beautiful enough to stare into at times.
Selene, calmly reflecting on how she had changed to the point of deeming a man, once considered no more than a passing stone, beautiful, played “Waltz Under the Moon.”
Though the explicit stares of the close-seated audience were a little bothersome, perhaps because she had just watched Theron’s performance, she was able to concentrate quickly.
When the ten-minute performance ended, a short breath escaped her lips.
‘Did I put in too much effort?’
She felt a little awkward, as if she had tried to show off in a setting that didn’t call for it, yet she felt an unexplainable satisfaction at the dazed look on Theron’s face as he stared at her.
However, the smile on her lips did not last long, for she knew that the words she had to deliver to him to conclude the day would sound quite cold.
She was going to tell him that she planned to study abroad, and that the choice was his.
And yet, along with Gwendolyn’s gentle, smiling advice, a small sense of anticipation arose.

“Actually, you don’t have to give up one for the other. If you truly love someone, you will respect their dream, whatever it may be.”

Selene gazed at Theron.
Would Theron understand her decision to study abroad on a continent across the sea?
“It was a truly magnificent performance, Miss Ashcombe! As expected from the most decorated pianist in the empire. I know you are busy, but I would be grateful if you would grace us with your presence again next year and delight the ears of many.”
With Selene’s performance, the salon concert came to an end.
Neil Bolton offered his thanks with a moved expression.
It seemed not to be mere flattery, as others also shyly approached her, conveying their heartfelt impressions.
“That bastard is looking at you again.”
Theron growled, looking at Ramon Cooper, who had played jazz until the very end.
Still, once in the car, Theron’s demeanor changed, and he conveyed the lingering excitement in a cheerful voice.
“I’ve never heard a performance like that! How can you play a piece so precisely and clearly? The sound of you playing alone felt much louder than when the musicians played at the launching ceremony.”
Theron’s eyes sparkled even in the darkness.
The more that sparkle reached Selene, the more her spirits sank.
Studying abroad had been planned for a long time, and she thought it was no big deal to talk about it, yet as time passed, Selene became quieter.
“Theron.”
As the car approached the main gate of the ducal estate, Selene knew it was time to bring up the topic she had been holding back.
Theron, who had stopped the car, looked at Selene.
“Yes?”
“Do you still not want anything from me?”
At the unexpected question, Theron’s eyebrows tilted slightly.
“Want something…?”
“Yes. At first, you said it didn’t matter if I just used you.”
Of course, contrary to his words, Theron had requested that they share a parasol, that he be the one to teach her piano, and that they kiss, all exclusively with him, but he hadn’t asked for much else.
“Well… I thought if I said that, you wouldn’t push me away right away.”
“So you do want something.”
“I suppose…”
“Marriage?”
Theron, who had been looking elsewhere as if his head were complicated, looked up.
She had thought it was the right answer, but Theron’s eyes held a strangely confused emotion.
“…Yes, marriage. The happy ending for a couple that people usually imagine is marriage, isn’t it? A proof of eternal love…”
Theron looked as if he were forcing himself to say something he didn’t want to.
But Selene also had something on her mind, so she couldn’t point that out to Theron.
“What if I go far away to study abroad? Would you still want to marry me then?”
Theron’s narrowed brow instantly smoothed out.
Then he asked back as if he had misheard, “Study abroad?”
“I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you, but it’s been my long-held dream. To enter the Mulshe Graduate School on the continent of Vetgraz.”
“Wait, wait.”
Theron reached out his hand and stopped Selene’s words.
“The continent of Vetgraz is across the sea. It takes over a week by ship.”
“They say civilians will be able to use airplanes soon. Then it might be possible in three days.”
“No, still, that means it’s a far-off place that takes three days even by plane!”
Selene nodded slightly.
“That’s right.”
It was true that it was far.
Theron clutched his forehead as if a terrible headache had suddenly struck him.
A strand of his disheveled blonde hair fell down.
“Three days… a round trip would be a week. Ha… okay, first. How long do you plan to study abroad?”
“The graduate school I’m going to requires at least five years of study to graduate.”
Theron’s face contorted.
“Five years is…”
“A long time.”
A time long enough for an wavering heart to cool, a time long enough to find a new person who would stay by one’s side.
Theron did not answer.
Similarly, Selene just gazed at Theron.
But as the silence grew longer, Selene felt she knew the answer that would come from his mouth.
Theron was running a business that was on the fast track in the empire, so he couldn’t leave his post, and realistically, he couldn’t wait for her for five years.
Selene finally understood why she had been so bothered about telling him this.
Although she was saying she was leaving and giving him the choice, the end of this meeting was already decided.
‘It would be a relief if he doesn’t look at me as if he can’t understand me.’
Even Theron, who seemed to have been deeply impressed by her performance today, might consider studying abroad to be fussy.
Like the common reaction of people.
“…What about you?”
But a question came back from Theron, not a decision.
Selene asked, not understanding, “What?”
“Do you want to end it with me like this?”
This time, it was Selene’s turn to ponder.
‘Do I want to end it with Theron Cox like this?’
Strictly speaking, her priority was still the piano.
‘But would I be alright if Theron Cox just disappeared from my day?’
Selene remained still.
‘No.’
The thought echoed back immediately.
This feeling was not the burning love that Evelyn had talked about, but it was a gentle change.
Selene wanted to explore this feeling more with Theron.
“I need you.”
“As an experimental subject for the piano?”
“No.”
“Then?”
“I don’t know.”
She wasn’t trying to evade with a suitable word or to hold onto him vaguely.
She had answered that way simply because she really didn’t know.
Selene looked at the confused-looking Theron.
“I want to watch you, Theron, until this opaque feeling becomes clear.”
“Ah…”
Theron’s lips parted.
Then he ran his hand through his hair as if to mess it up.
“Aaaah, damn it…!”
Theron, who had messed up his hair, cried out.
The handsome gentleman was gone, and only a tormented beast remained.
“You have no intention of giving up on studying abroad? You have to go? To that far-off continent?”
That was an assumption she had never made.
‘Giving up my long-held dream just for a man?’
To Selene, that question was as sudden and strange as asking what it would be like if she couldn’t play the piano because she had become a caterpillar crawling on a tree one day.
“Forget it, don’t say it. I think I know without hearing it.”
Theron reached out his hand and covered Selene’s mouth, as if to stop her dazed answer.
Then he let out a long breath.
“Listen carefully, Selene.”