A Walk Through the City Lights

The city center thrummed with a vibrant clamor. As night descended, the city’s skyscrapers ignited with dazzling, pulsating lights, and the plazas at the intersections of roads teemed with fashionably dressed pedestrians. It was the peak of summer, and both men and women wore light, crisp attire. Throughout the plaza, small groups performed music, dance, and instruments. The food streets and shopping malls here, regardless of season, became like festivals during holidays, a frenzy of entertainment and consumption.

What compels one person to take another’s hand? I observed teenagers, much like myself in age, donned in various subculture attire, both male and female, conversing animatedly atop a plaza statue, their laughter ringing out in unison. I also saw couples with two children, strolling arm-in-arm, gesturing towards nearby shops while admonishing their children to stay close. Even bolder couples embraced passionately by flowerbeds, fountains, and park benches.

Here, people moved in pairs or gathered in groups, each radiating a joyful, vibrant energy. Perhaps they sought to forge cherished memories for themselves, or perhaps to etch their presence into the recollections of others.

Then why was I here?

Why did I, a solitary figure, wandering alone, find myself in this place? Having never sought companionship, nor possessing any memories worth creating, what purpose did my presence here serve? I allowed the throngs of people to flow past me repeatedly, the advertisements on the towering screens cycling through their loops several times over. Even the staff member, dressed in a mascot costume, distributing balloons to children, seemed to take pity on me, offering one before performing an endearing gesture of encouragement.

The couples and groups lingering in the plaza occasionally cast glances my way, as if I had committed some remarkable act. Yet, all I had done was sit here by myself for a mere ten minutes. Was that truly so wrong? Or perhaps, in this plaza, merely being alone was considered a transgression?

“Good evening, Student Yi,” a clear, pleasant voice chimed in my ear amidst the clamoring crowd. “Have you been waiting long?”

Following the sound, I saw a vibrant young woman, her age in full bloom. She wore a green floral dress, a leather bag slung across her body, and her long black hair was intricately braided, sweeping around her forehead, with her bangs held back by a star-shaped clip. Her delicate features were clearly visible, her eyebrows and eyes subtly enhanced with light makeup. Yu Tianman, she was like a white chrysanthemum in a wild field; a gentle breeze would set her swaying gracefully among the blossoms.

“Just over ten minutes; hardly a long wait,” I replied.

“Did you come directly after work?” she asked, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Are you truly that eager to meet me?”

Indeed, I had come straight from work. At the repair shop, I had swapped my uniform and safety shoes for the white t-shirt, black shorts, and plastic slippers I had worn earlier. The moment I checked my phone, I saw her message, and so I came.

“Since we’re here, let’s get going,” I stated, choosing not to respond to her playful remark.

“Alright,” she agreed. “So, where shall we head?”

“…Didn’t you invite me out?”

Her WeChat message had simply read `[Want to go for a walk together?]`, followed by instructions to meet at the city center plaza. I had agreed without hesitation; I had nothing else planned, and it seemed a good way to pass the evening.

“Typically, at times like these, it’s the boy who makes the plans,” she chided, a hint of mock exasperation in her tone.

‘What exactly did she mean by “times like these”?’

“When I go out with other people, I’m always the type to follow along,” I admitted. “When I’m by myself, I just wander aimlessly.”

“Then let’s just wander, shall we?” she proposed.

In our household, only my mother enjoyed shopping, visiting the city center roughly twice a month. Her purchases primarily consisted of electronic devices for her work—sound cards, pickups, and various microphone equipment. Only then would she consider items for our family’s clothing, food, and daily necessities. Since I harbored no particular fondness for snacks, my parents assumed I shared their palate, consistently buying the foods they enjoyed. The same applied to clothes; my parents disliked brightly colored attire, consequently, my wardrobe was filled exclusively with neutral tones.

Given this, our family frequented shopping trips. Yet, I remained utterly unfamiliar with these streets, having no idea which path led where, or what facilities were located in any given area. I could only navigate by the most nebulous of impressions.

Yu Tianman, too, caught up, gradually drawing closer until she was walking right beside me. With a companion, I should be far less conspicuous in this plaza… yet, I still sensed the lingering gazes of those around us.

“Student Yi,” I heard Yu Tianman call out to me. “Where do you usually spend your time?”

“At home.”

“That makes sense, I suppose,” she said, looking down with a smile. Her eyes then darted to the side, a spark of an idea igniting within her, and she leaned towards me. “So, are you taking me home now?”

“If you wish to come to my house, of course you can,” I replied. My parents largely gave me free rein; while they sometimes worried about my mental state, they had complete faith in my ability to take care of myself.

“Eh…” Yu Tianman seemed taken aback by my answer, momentarily speechless. “…Wait, that…” She suddenly halted, covering her entire face with both hands. Her abrupt action caused me to stop as well.

“Student Yi!” She released her hands from her face, which was flushed red, likely from how hard she had pressed. “That kind of talk was very flippant, you shouldn’t say such things so casually to girls,” she chided, though her voice lacked any real conviction.

“Is that so? My apologies.”

Though I was unsure what had transpired, I presumed it was my fault. Lacking in social interaction, I had no concept of what was appropriate or inappropriate to say. I watched Yu Tianman fanning herself to cool down. This girl, so vibrant, cheerful, and well-dressed, surely possessed far superior social skills than I.

“Where do you usually go when you hang out with guys?” I asked, hoping for some guidance.

“Huh? This is actually my first time going out with a guy.”

“Is that so? Then where do you usually go when you hang out with girls?”

“Hmm? Let me think… eating, buying clothes, things like that…” Her expression suddenly faltered. “By the way, I just dropped such a huge piece of information, and you have absolutely no reaction?”

“What are you referring to?”

“What I meant by that last sentence was,” she said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, a faint smile playing on her lips, “you’re the first guy I’ve ever asked out. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Because we’re friends,” I stated, knowing even as a solitary person that only friends with a certain level of closeness would invite each other out. “My assistance to you that day was not in the hope of any form of repayment… but I am grateful for your genuine treatment and for inviting me out as a friend.”

I lacked confidence in my answer. I had never truly understood anyone, relying solely on experience and intuition to navigate interactions. Consequently, I knew my interpretations were often superficial, frequently incorrect, and that I inadvertently hurt people. Just now, for instance, I saw Yu Tianman’s crestfallen gaze concealed by a smile, like a white chrysanthemum swaying in the wind, losing a few petals to the rain. It was a desolate sight.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.

“Mm-hmm~” She shook her head. “No, just as you said, we’re simply friends hanging out together.”

Socializing always brought me a profound sense of anguish. I never knew what I had said or done wrong, what had caused others displeasure, nor did I know how to rectify it, precisely because I remained unaware of my own missteps. Despite my desire for normal interactions, I inevitably caused harm. This was why I had always been friendless; my very existence seemed to wound others, and every word I uttered was met with dislike. Even if Yu Tianman was willing to approach me and become my friend, I was certain this relationship would soon be shattered by my own hand.

I could envision such an outcome, yet I felt powerless to avert it. I couldn’t find a single reason to preserve my relationship with her; more critically, I simply didn’t know how to maintain it.

Yu Tianman and I continued to walk side by side, our eyes no longer meeting, our thoughts drifting far away. How much longer could this aimless stroll continue? How much longer could this fragile friendship between us endure?

“Hey, Student Yi.” Yu Tianman pointed in a certain direction. “I want bubble tea.”

I looked over and saw a bubble tea shop named ‘Zhenming,’ quite popular across the country, with seven branches in this city alone. The seats inside were already fully occupied, with some groups, despite having finished their drinks and snacks, still lingering to play on their phones and chat. Outside, the queue stretched long. We found the end of the line for ordering and scanned the QR code with my phone.

“What would you like? I’ll order,” she said, standing in front of me in line. “You’re working because you’re short on cash, aren’t you? I’ll treat you for the whole evening.”

After selecting my usual red bean milk tea, I could only manage, “Thank you.” She simply responded with a smile, indicating there was no need to mention it.

The waiting process was protracted, though I, for one, was entirely unconcerned with the passage of time. I observed the staff, flustered and overwhelmed, juggling fresh orders and deliveries, constantly moving between the front counter and the back kitchen. They were all attractive young men and women; some were likely school dropouts who had entered the workforce early, while others, like myself, were students earning some pocket money on the weekends. The clientele comprised both professionals stopping for a post-work bubble tea with colleagues, but predominantly, it was young people—small groups and couples. The shop’s design, its decor, and its diverse drink flavors were clearly the result of careful study and observation, tailored to appeal to youthful preferences, which undoubtedly accounted for its widespread popularity.

I pulled my attention back to the present. Yu Tianman, standing directly in front of me, was unusually quiet. She wasn’t looking around or engrossed in her phone; I could only see the back of her head, making it impossible to discern her expression or what thoughts might be occupying her mind.

After a while longer, it was finally our turn to collect our order. The staff member presented two cups of bubble tea. “Beauty, here are your milk teas.” Indeed, the disparity between Yu Tianman and me, coupled with the palpable awkwardness, must have made us seem like anything but a pair.

She accepted the two beautifully packaged bubble teas. As they were freshly prepared, they lacked individual labels. Yu Tianman lifted the cups, attempting to discern the different ingredients by looking through the bottoms, but she couldn’t make anything out.

“Excuse me, a quick question,” she called the staff member back. “Which one is the red bean milk tea?”

“The one in your left hand, beauty.”

Hearing the staff member’s reply, Yu Tianman offered a grateful smile, then turned and handed the red bean milk tea to me. “Shall we go? Where to next, or just continue wandering?”

“Hmm… let me think…” While we were queuing, I had inadvertently caught sight of something. “How about we go to…”

“Holy crap!” the staff member who had served us suddenly exclaimed, his face a mask of astonishment as he stared at me. “Aren’t you that guy from our class… the one who sits in the back… named… named…”

“Yi Chang.”

“Ah, right!” He slapped his forehead. “Holy crap, it really is you!” He laughed with a bold, carefree air, then turned his gaze to the person beside me. “And you’re Yu Tianman from Class 1-A, aren’t you?”

“Hello,” she acknowledged with a nod.

“Holy crap, that’s incredible, seriously incredible, damn,” he muttered, staring at me in disbelief. Come to think of it, who was this guy? The upper half of his face was obscured by the shadow of his baseball cap, making him difficult to discern. As I stepped a little closer, I recognized him: Huang Zhouyu, the notorious troublemaker of our class, known for interrupting at least ten times during every lesson.

“Given that we’re classmates, tell me honestly,” he said, his grin taking on a particularly mischievous quality. “What’s your relationship?”

‘What kind of relationship indeed? That was a difficult question to answer. Our most fundamental connection was as club member and club president. However, we weren’t currently accompanying each other in those capacities; we were here as friends. Perhaps this relationship would eventually fracture, corrected by the stark reality of distance, but for now, at least, we were friends. So…’

“Currently, we are still friends,” I informed him.

“Holy crap!” he yelled again. “Awesome, seriously awesome, damn, you’re so eloquent, brother! I support you wholeheartedly! Once you two are official, our class will…”

“Huang Zhouyu! Stop chatting with the customers and get back to work! The kitchen is swamped!” a senior colleague admonished him.

“Okay, okay, coming, coming!” He responded to his senior, then glanced back at me. “We’ll talk more in class tomorrow, alright?” With that, he dashed back to assist in the kitchen.

His final words struck me as somewhat inexplicable, but I paid them no mind. Turning my head, I saw Yu Tianman staring intently at me.

“Where were we just now?” I asked her.

Yu Tianman offered no reply, instead gazing at me blankly, as if in a daze. Her reaction left me somewhat bewildered; if she spoke, I would remain silent, and if she made no move, neither would I.

“You just said… currently still…” The dazed Yu Tianman slowly began to speak, her voice barely a whisper, like a mosquito’s hum. Then, her eyes suddenly brightened, and a sweet, saccharine smile blossomed on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, seeing Yu Tianman finally show a reaction.

“No, nothing,” she said, cupping her hands over her face, as if trying to press down her smile. “I just asked you where you were planning to go?”

It came back to me. While we were queuing, I had inadvertently spotted an advertisement. There was a newly released movie, apparently starring some big-name actors, with a tagline mentioning a Sino-foreign co-production. I couldn’t recall the other details, but I did remember the movie’s title.

“There’s a movie called ‘The Meg’ that seems to have just premiered today. Want to go see it?”

“Mm!” she agreed, without a moment’s hesitation.

****

After the movie, night had deepened, yet the city center’s vibrancy and pedestrian traffic only intensified. Yu Tianman’s parents were quite strict, requiring her to be home by a certain hour. After leaving the cinema, we spent our remaining time strolling around the plaza.

I felt a pang of apology towards her; I had been fighting drowsiness throughout the film. It might have been the exhaustion from a full day’s work, or perhaps the movie itself was simply uninteresting, but regardless, I had drifted off to sleep halfway through.

Right until the very end of our time together, I watched Yu Tianman depart in a taxi. Once more, I found myself solitary, gazing at the sprawling plaza, still filled with those same men and women, moving in pairs, their laughter echoing all around.

I walked towards the crowd, towards the clamor, towards the surging tide of humanity. The city’s night was like a tempest, stirring up emotions within people’s hearts. It made the lonely even more isolated, leaving them anxious and fearful without an embrace, weeping uncontrollably in the rain.

My phone chimed with a notification. Opening WeChat, I saw a message from Yu Tianman.

`[Thank you for taking the time to accompany me today. I had a lot of fun. You should go home early too. See you tomorrow in the activity room.]`

And so, that was why one person would reach out and take another’s hand.