Chapter 6: Between a Friend and an Animal

“Who is it..?”

I don’t know.

I don’t know where I was caught, when she knew.

Where I was making mistakes.

I didn’t know.

“..Hye, Ji… What are you doing..”

Who is it?”

No, I didn’t even know why I should know in the first place.

Hyeji is just a friend to me.

Nothing more, nothing I have to do for her.

Moreover, she’s not my lover, there was no situation where love was budding, nothing at all.

But why did Hyeji find out about this and why did this situation have to happen?

Does Hyeji think of me as family?

So, from the underwear?

“Why..”

Full of, questions.

Why Hyeji has such a scary and cold face, why I’m being interrogated while my collarbone is being pressed.

In the first place, who is the owner of this hickey?

It’s all a question.

It’s a question, but why.

Why Hyeji, you.

“..Since when… did you know..”

I couldn’t meet Hyeji’s eyes with slightly fearful eyes, but I looked at the wrinkles in my clothes and asked.

At school, when I sat on your desk, I saw it.”

I wanted to avoid it.

First, avoid it, and make it as if it didn’t happen.

First, make it like that and talk about it properly later.

Now, it’s not right.

Whatever the reason,

No.

“…No, Hyeji, it’s a bug, bite.”

I soon carefully grabbed Hyeji’s wrist and said.

Please, with a voice asking to be released.

Huh..?”

But when I looked at Hyeji’s face, turning my gaze slightly to Hyeji’s arm, which had no movement,

“….Do, bugs have teeth..?”

“..Huh?”

Hyeji suddenly started pressing the hickey on my neck with her finger.

Squeeze-

“Ugh..”

It hurts.

It wasn’t like she was pressing it like she was hitting it, nor was she pressing it as if to suppress me.

Just gently.

She pressed it gently, but it hurts so much.

It’s strong.

The force coming in is so strong.

….

Hye, Ji…?”

And with that, I could soon realize.

Smell of alcohol.

Hyeji was drunk.

This is, an escape route.

“Hye, Hyeji, it’s cold… If we stay here, we’ll catch a cold, so let’s go upstairs first… Okay?”

So, I quickly said hush hush and tried to go upstairs and run away from here as soon as I got out.

“Wa, wash… Wash and sleep and tomorrow… Shall we see each other tomorrow..?”

But.

Thud-

“Gasp..!?”

When I tried to lift my upper body, Hyeji grabbed my neck and strongly pressed down.

“I..!! Loved you first!!!!”

“….Gasp..?!”

She suddenly started shouting.

Drip-

It was nonsense.

Drunken nonsense.

Drunken rant.

Drunken behavior.

It was definitely, drunken behavior.

But the temperature of the tears that were scattered by lowering her head violently.

The voice.

Hyeji’s cheeks that weren’t flushed.

“Since before you changed…!!!”

It was appealing to me as the truth.

“I wanted to confess…!!!”

Hyeji’s eyes were desperate eyes that I had never seen in the nearly three years I had spent with her.

Moist eyes, vulgar, pathetic, wretched, and yet.

And yet.

“Even though my body, everything changed.. Even though I thought it would be different, my heart didn’t change at all…!!!”

It hurt my heart.

“Why don’t you know me..?”

And soon, continuously.

She started to dig into my heart with emotions that she had been hiding all along.

“Why do you keep looking elsewhere, we met in the first grade, why do you treat me like a childhood friend every day..?”

I couldn’t answer.

“Why don’t you love me!!!”

Bang bang bang

Hyeji hit the cushion of the sofa next to my head violently and vented her anger.

Was it the influence of alcohol?

Hyeji appealed to me in a way that I had never seen before.

“I kept exercising because of you, I’ve said this much, answer me!!!!”

Squeeze-

The hand that was choking my neck tightens.

“Ga..sp…..!”

It hurts, it hurts.

It’s dangerous.

I want to answer,

But it’s hard like this.

Ah, please.

Why are you always like that to me?

Why me.

“I also…!!!!”

Why can’t you leave my heart alone?

“I, loved you…!!!”

I was

swept away by emotions. ,

The ridiculous situation that happened since the morning, the ridiculous situations that kept pushing me from all sides.

And mine, which keeps tearing my heart apart.

My.

My first love, who I am.

Was it because I had a lingering regret that I didn’t convey my feelings to her?

“What..?”

Hyeji was embarrassed.

Of course.

I, of course, couldn’t hate Hyeji.

So pretty, so beautiful.

She takes care of herself well, she’s cool, her grades are good, her relationships are good,

I couldn’t hate someone who is pretty as a person.

There’s no way that liking, that love, wouldn’t sprout.

I’m not impotent.

I was a man, and I liked such Hyeji.

“I…!! I wasn’t good enough for you…!! You were a girl too good for me…!!!”

But it wasn’t.

I, a boy like me, was for a perfect girl like Hyeji.

Just less than a passing pebble.

At least before the gender changed, I was definitely such a being.

I thought so, and I was convinced that it was true by the reaction of my friends.

I gave up my heart.

“You’re so pretty and beautiful, and I’m a man who doesn’t match you in any way…!!”

I ran away.

“I ran away!!! Every day!!”

From the feeling that I like you, to be comfortable.

“From the fact that I like you..!!!”

Just staying by your side as a friend is enough.

I thought.

I said it.

I tried to hide it, and I’ve hidden it well until now.

All my true feelings.

“…So..”

Then Hyeji took some strength out of her grip on my neck and said.

Did you fall in love..? …..Who is it, I’ll meet them.. and beat them up, make them a more deficient guy, so that you’ll be disappointed

“So you fell in love with another guy

and break up with him..!”

“…What…?”

But Hyeji wasn’t in a state to listen to me properly.

No, even if she heard it properly.

Hyeji had no intention of listening to my heart anymore.

“Is it Taeyeon? Is it Yura..?”

And soon, Hyeji shouted at you, who didn’t know her heart.

“Who the hell are you in love with…!!! Who is it!!!”

I was sorry.

It was a vague feeling.

In the words I shouted in anger, only the mistakes I made were visible, so I felt vaguely sorry.

I was sorry that Hyeji had become like this because of me, as evidenced by my words.

If I had known that Hyeji liked me, would I have been able to lead a better scenario when this situation came again?

If I had been a little more perceptive, if my self-esteem had been a little higher.

Yeah.

It would have been better.

“…I’m… sorry..”

Tears came out.

Saying one apology, saying one apology with a sober mind without drinking any alcohol.

It was so hard.

Even though it was a word that had to be conveyed, because it was a word that had to be conveyed.

Even in saying that one word, I felt that I was still the same scumbag as then.

Even if my body changes, I am.

It was still the same.

“No, because…”

I wanted to calm her down.

First.

Whether it’s an incomprehensible situation or a frustrating situation for me.

First, I wanted to reassure Hyeji.

So please….”

But I couldn’t think of any suitable words anymore.

……

I’m sorry…”

Then that difficult word started to come out smoothly.

Slide-

…

“I’m sorry, Hyeji…”

“It’s truly a human being—or rather, I am.

Cunning.”

I throw away words that I couldn’t say well in a situation where I had to, without hesitation, to use them as an escape route.

It was ridiculous, trash.

So let’s sleep and then, talk again then..”

And that trash chose to run away this time too.

Maybe it was inevitable.

The only thing I could learn from my runaway father was that.

I wish my father had taught me what to do in this situation.

Ah, really.

I feel like I’m going crazy.

Thud-

“..!?”

But whether Hyeji knew that or not, she suddenly covered my mouth.

It’s okay”

….?”

And soon, she looked at me with half-closed eyes.

Slide-

“Ugh…!!?”

She started to take off my clothes.

It’s okay, it’s okay because… I, I like you like this, you’re still Semin..”

“Ugh..!! Ugh…?!”

I have to get out.

I had to get out.

But, I couldn’t.

Let’s love, love me.. Please…’

“Ugh…!!”

Even though it wasn’t Taeyeon, it was really ridiculous to escape from Hyeji’s grip, who was constantly exercising.

I was restrained by Taeyeon’s hands and legs and my fleece was taken away.

Flutter-

“Gasp…!”

All the buttons of the shirt I was wearing were unbuttoned.

…..

“Haaap..”

“Ugh..!?”

Hyeji bit my neck, and a new hickey was covered on top of the hickey.

“Ugh..!”

It hurt more than what I suffered in my dreams—no, several times more than what I suffered in pleasure. Everything had been a pleasant sensation in pleasure, but now, it wasn’t. It just hurt.

“…Chubeup..“

“Gasp, gasp…!!?”

Hyeji covered the hickey and stroked my whole body with her hands.

Scary.

“Ugh..!! Ugh…!!!”

It was no different from violence.

I struggled because it was so heavy, but…

The relationship formed in a whirlwind of confused emotions was just—

Hyeji lightly touched me, as if handling a doll with a small physique.

“Gasp…!! Gasp..!! Ugh…!!”

I could feel the feeling of being sucked into a very deep abyss.

It was a sensation that something terrible would happen if I didn’t escape, but I couldn’t escape, I couldn’t turn back.

Phew……”

And soon, Hyeji, who had completely transformed the seal on my body into her own, finally smiled slowly and whispered.

“Let’s, do it..”

“Ugh….”

It was truly nonsense, but if it was Hyeji, even nonsense could become reality.

“…If we do it, we’re dating.. Okay? Leave that guy, and me.. Only me”

When I was a man, I thought it would be good to be eaten by such a pretty girl, but this wasn’t good.

I could predict all the terribly painful pleasures that would soon be achieved.

I was just scared.

“…So now… Look at me..”

Slide-

Around the time Hyeji was about to put her hand in the underwear she bought for me, I could feel the strength in Hyeji’s body momentarily loosening.

Ugh..!!”

Fortunately, I didn’t miss that moment.

Whoosh-!!

“Phew…!!”

“Ugh..!?”

I barely rolled out and fell off the sofa.

Thud

“Ugh..!”

It hurt a little, but it was better than heartache.

And this, this situation is not right.

“This is not right..!! Hyeji..!!”

This kind of appearance, this kind of love.

I understand everything, I exchanged, I sympathized.

But this is not the way to make up for it.

Absolutely, not at all, it cannot be justified by any excuse.

“So, please..!! Come to your senses!!!”

So I want to talk to you again when you’re sober.

Again, again.

Again.

No, now.

“Please…!!”

I’m out of my mind, just.

I just want to run away.

I’ll run away.

I’ll run away.

I have to run away.

In this damp and humid basement, in a cold and chilly closed room where only the two of us are.

It’s stuffy, I can’t breathe.

Slide-

“A, and…”

With my mind half gone, I somehow managed to move my trembling hands to pick up my clothes.

“….Ah, don’t throw yourself at any man….”

I was speaking unconsciously, not even aware of what I was saying.

“Wh, what if.. I was a bad man…”

Did I think I was a man?

I don’t know.

Run, away.

First, run, away.

Patter

The last.

When I came up from the basement, I didn’t have the mind to look closely at Hyeji’s expression, who was sitting still.

But I could hear her voice.

What.. was I.. going to do..?”

Fortunately, she came to her senses.

Fortunately.

Beep, click-

“Haa, haa..!!”

But I wasn’t.

Thud-

“Ugh..!! Ugh, ugh…!!”