I Was Never Weak—Just Too Kind

“You’re awfully shameless, talking about meeting someone else’s husband, aren’t you?”

The corners of Seonwoo’s lips trembled as he spat out the words. Someone else’s husband.

The phrase sounded ridiculous. Haeyoon felt a flicker of boredom at Seonwoo’s reaction, which deviated not at all from his expectations.

He wanted to end this exhausting, pointless encounter quickly.

“…….”

Then, Haeyoon’s eyes caught sight of Seonwoo’s hand. More precisely, the ring shining on Seonwoo’s finger.
The ring on his right ring finger brought back a memory Haeyoon had almost forgotten.

Ahn Seonwoo, his voice brimming with excitement, showing him a ring several times, saying he would wear matching rings with Baek Jeongha if he accepted his confession.

“Ah…….”

In that moment, Haeyoon understood. Why Seonwoo had come all this way to see him.

Haeyoon already knew that Jeongha occasionally contacted Ahn Seonwoo. He hadn’t heard the specific reasons. But he wasn’t naive enough not to notice that Jeongha had some purpose.

Haeyoon didn’t stop Jeongha’s actions. He didn’t think of them as wasteful. He was just grateful for all of Baek Jeongha’s efforts on his behalf. After all, Haeyoon had no right to judge Jeongha’s actions.

And Baek Jeongha’s actions would have given Ahn Seonwoo some kind of confirmation. A thrilling, hopeful certainty about the future.

That’s why Ahn Seonwoo was here now. He had come all this way, deliberately wearing a ring he hadn’t even shared with Baek Jeongha.

To mock Seo Haeyoon once more. To ridicule him for being lost in a false happiness, unable to even guess that the one Baek Jeongha truly wanted was Ahn Seonwoo. Ahn Seonwoo had not spared himself the trouble of coming all the way here.

Just like those moments when he had deceived Haeyoon to his face while secretly meeting Oh Jaeyeol behind his back.

“Seonwoo.”

Haeyoon called his name quietly. The feeling that followed this astonishing realization wasn’t the same hurt or despair as before.

“What.”

Despite the venomous retort, Haeyoon continued calmly, without changing his tone.

“You must have had a lot of fun.”

“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

“Nothing, just. I thought you must have.”

He meant it. Haeyoon finally understood what kind of “fun” Ahn Seonwoo must have felt.

How Seonwoo must have looked at him, how he must have mocked him behind his back, with what sense of superiority he must have pitied him—Haeyoon, who had no idea his lover and friend were sleeping together, who kept saying “Seonwoo-ya, Seonwoo-ya” with such care. Now, he understood it all.

Afraid he might burst out laughing, Haeyoon pressed his lips together and composed himself. Even now, how ridiculous must “Seo Haeyoon, being played by Baek Jeongha” look to Ahn Seonwoo?

“Enough nonsense. I’m leaving.”

Just then, Seonwoo stood up first. He had come for a change of pace, but instead, Oh Jaeyeol had ruined his mood. He didn’t want to look at Seo Haeyoon’s irritating face any longer.

“Leaving already?”

“Geez.”

At the question, devoid of any malice, Seonwoo scoffed. Even cursing at him or slapping him wouldn’t be enough, and Haeyoon’s soft, weak behavior just looked foolish to Seonwoo.

No wonder he’d had his lover stolen twice. Acting so pathetically.

So, Seonwoo decided to do a small kindness for the ever-so-kind Seo Haeyoon.

“Haeyoon, even though we’ve grown apart now, we were once inseparable best friends, weren’t we?”

“…….”

“So, thinking of old times, I’ll give you some advice.”

It wasn’t because Haeyoon had dared to mention Oh Jaeyeol in front of him. This was purely out of consideration for the foolishly kind Seo Haeyoon.

“Don’t trust Baek Jeongha too much.”

Haeyoon blinked his large eyes.

“You trusted Oh Jaeyeol like that and got betrayed. So I’m saying, don’t trust Baek Jeongha too much.”

Ahn Seonwoo smiled brightly. It was a face Haeyoon had once liked very much.

“I’m going. See you again.”

Without looking back, Seonwoo left the café. Haeyoon watched his back until it disappeared, then turned his head to look outside the window. Even in winter, the sunlight pouring in was quite warm.

It was strange that he could be this unaffected even after meeting Ahn Seonwoo. Haeyoon missed Jeongha, just a little.

* * * *

“Jeongha.”

“Yeah?”

Jeongha, who had been watching Haeyoon with a worried expression as he barely ate, pricked up his ears.

“I have a question.”

“Okay. What is it?”

“Which is better, being stupid or being mean?”

Jeongha looked blank for a moment at the completely unexpected question. He had no idea what had prompted it. Haeyoon added more explanation.

“I used to be stupid, but now I think I might be becoming a bit mean.”

“Uh…?”

“I’m not sure which is better.”

The more he explained, the more Jeongha’s eyes wavered, but Haeyoon’s voice asking the question was calm, without any tremor. Jeongha quickly responded.

“What do you mean? When was Seo Haeyoon ever stupid, and when was he ever mean?”

“…….”

“Look at me. Did something happen?”

Jeongha leaned forward, trying to get as close to Haeyoon as possible, and asked, meeting his eyes.

He had seemed a little distracted today. Jeongha had thought it was because of his work, but it seemed there was another reason. He continued, looking at Haeyoon, who met his gaze without flinching.

“Seo Haeyoon wasn’t stupid. He was kind.”

“Sometimes it feels the same.”

“No. Being kind isn’t being stupid. It’s being strong.”

Jeongha’s voice was firm. It wasn’t just an empty platitude to comfort Haeyoon.

There was a time when Jeongha had thought so too. That “kind” was just a nice way of describing fools who couldn’t look out for themselves. But after meeting Seo Haeyoon, his thinking had changed.

Unconditionally yielding to others, being pushed around—that wasn’t kindness, that was stupidity. True kindness was something only the strongest people in the world could achieve.

Giving your heart to those you cherish, caring for them, keeping faith and trust, loving and treasuring them, acting kindly without regard for personal gain—none of that was foolish. Only those with the strongest hearts could truly be kind to others. Baek Jeongha now knew that Seo Haeyoon was such a person.

At that thought, he had a vague idea why Haeyoon was suddenly asking this. Jeongha continued.

“So the question becomes, which is better, the kind Seo Haeyoon or the mean Seo Haeyoon….”

This time, Haeyoon’s eyes widened slightly. He hadn’t expected Jeongha to cut to the chase like this. His brief encounter with Ahn Seonwoo had left Haeyoon’s mind a little tangled. He wasn’t trying to have some pretentious second thought about whether he really had to go that far.

It’s just that Haeyoon…

_’It’s that if you knew, you might get sick of me… or stop liking me.’*

He had only just come to understand how Jeongha had felt that day, saying those words with an exhausted face.

When he met Jaeyeol before, and when he met Seonwoo this time, Haeyoon had treated them with a completely different attitude. Knowing they would fall into misconception, or knowing they were already deep in it, he had egged them on.

It was the first time in his life he had acted for an outcome that would make someone else unhappy. The unfamiliar, alien feeling was like sand in his mouth, uncomfortable. And Haeyoon was a little worried about how this changed version of himself would look to Baek Jeongha. Absurdly so.

But contrary to Haeyoon’s serious concern, Jeongha, chin resting on the table, looked perfectly at ease. As if to say, “What’s there to worry about?” he continued.

“Maybe it’s because I’m mean, but I think I might like the mean Seo Haeyoon a little better?”

Haeyoon blinked for a moment at the unexpected answer, then burst out laughing.

Baek Jeongha was always like this. Whenever Haeyoon became serious or heavy, weighed down by his own gravity, he would clear a path in an unexpected way.

Don’t make it so hard, you don’t have to be so serious, we’re just giving back a little of what we received.

It’s not like we’re trying to destroy the world. He always lightened Haeyoon’s heart in the most absurd ways.

“That’s because you don’t know how mean I can get.”

Finally, his own heart lightened, Haeyoon picked up his fork again and muttered.

When Jeongha added, “Oh, now I’m getting scared,” his coyness was actually quite enjoyable.

“And lately, you keep calling me by my name a lot.”
“Ah, have I?”
“Call me hyung.”
“Okay, hyung.”

The request to call him hyung reminded him of the time they were just getting to know each other, and he found the easy atmosphere between them now so, so nice.

Jeongha couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from twitching throughout the meal.