The Weight of a Choice

Once again bearing the gaze of the entire class, the girl’s cheeks burned. She trembled faintly. Pressing her lips together, her first instinct was to smooth things over…

‘Better to end this quickly. What if I just reject everyone? No one gets chosen.’ But wouldn’t that make her seem pretentious? Would someone cause trouble for her?

‘Who should I choose? The class monitor?’ She actually wanted to—despite her reason telling her to keep her distance, liking was liking, and her body instinctively longed to be close to the monitor. But if she chose the monitor, what would happen to Lin Ziyan? Her leverage was still in Lin Ziyan’s hands. She had already defaulted once. If she did it again, what would Lin Ziyan do to her?

‘What if I choose Lin Ziyan? But what about the monitor? This morning had already shown the consequences. A furious, frantic monitor—she really didn’t want to see that again…’

‘But the monitor’s personality is good. If it’s just a small matter like changing seats, it should be fine, right? After all, the monitor has always been gentle and patient. She should understand my predicament, shouldn’t she?’

She clenched her hands lightly, the crowd’s stares still pricking her back like needles. Among them were curiosity, jealousy, resentment, and pure schadenfreude. She knew this was a dilemma: choosing either would offend the other. All she could do was choose the lesser of two evils. Besides, her original intention had been to avoid the monitor, hadn’t it? She pressed her lips together. She had made up her mind.

‘Teacher… let my sister come… no need to trouble the monitor…’

As soon as the girl replied, many people lost interest and looked away. The homeroom teacher nodded.

‘Then Lin, after class, pack your things and move over to her place.’

‘Okay, teacher.’

There was no smile, but everyone knew Lin Ziyan was the winner of this brief confrontation. Though she didn’t show it, anyone could feel the victor’s pride emanating from her.

In contrast, Liu Yinuo’s gaze froze the moment she heard the girl’s words. Her pupils contracted, then slowly dilated. She remained motionless for a long time, stiff as a sculpture.

‘Wh… why…’

What is disappointment? What is betrayal? Liu Yinuo felt she was experiencing an unprecedented betrayal. All her efforts had been brutally snatched away; all her gentleness and patience had sunk like stones into the sea. This dealt a blow to her spirit like never before.

No matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t have imagined it. Her careful planning, her full preparation, her devoted care—all amounted to less than one threat from Lin Ziyan, less than Qin Haiyue’s forceful taking away. She had been looking forward to this moment all night, spent ages preparing her words. She had hoped to become deskmates with the girl, dreamed that the girl would finally confess her true feelings, that they would reconcile, and maybe even grow closer, sweeter—all of it would have been wonderful.

‘But why did it turn out like this? Why?’ The light in her eyes was fading, darkness expanding. Time ticked by second by second, and before she knew it, class was over. As the bell rang, the air seemed to finally flow again. Her deskmate Lin Ziyan packed up her belongings and moved to the back row. The desk beside her was empty. Lin Ziyan would not be coming back.

Only when someone poked her back did she snap out of it as if waking from a dream.

‘What is it?’ Her tone was wistful, indifferent. There was even a hint of yet-unignited anger.

Li Li leaned close to her ear and whispered, ‘Hey, what do you think those two are up to? I think they’re in cahoots, deliberately targeting you, stringing you along.’

Liu Yinuo frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Look, you like Ye Xingmian, right? When you proposed changing seats, they must have known you liked them, so they conspired with Lin Ziyan in advance to pull this stunt.’

Hearing this, Liu Yinuo couldn’t help but frown. ‘Xingmian is not like that…’

‘Saying that—do you really know them that well?’

Liu Yinuo fell silent. She naturally believed she hadn’t misjudged the person, but she couldn’t explain why Ye Xingmian’s behavior was so strange, so resolute in avoiding her. Honestly, she was a little disappointed. She even got angry again—a rarity. Twice today she had lost her temper, both times because of Ye Xingmian. She was really irritated. She closed her eyes and decided not to speak anymore.

‘If you ask me, they really don’t know what’s good for them. To do something like this…’ The girl behind her kept chattering on. Liu Yinuo frowned and snapped, ‘Shut up!’

The words startled even herself. She rarely vented her emotions like this. For a moment, she felt a twinge of guilt, but what was said was said. She had no intention of apologizing now. Turning back, she clenched her fists, rested her head on the desk, and gritted her teeth.

‘So annoying! So annoying! So annoying! Why did you reject me? Why did you choose her? Why! Is it because I was too gentle with you, making you think ignoring me was fine? But I’m human too. This makes me sad, it hurts, it’s painful! After all, I think I’ve already…’

Liu Yinuo suddenly deflated. Lying on the desk, she felt lost, not knowing what the right thing to do was. ‘Do I really have to be rough for that poor little thing to come home with me? If I just get forceful, even if it’s a done deal…’

‘But she’ll definitely cry, won’t she? She’ll make that pitiful expression again. Liu Yinuo really can’t bear to see that. It feels like her heart is being torn apart. Hmm… so… I’ll try once more. If that doesn’t work, I’ll go the hard way!’

****

Ye Xingmian sat stiffly in her seat, casting a sidelong glance at Lin Ziyan, who was tidying her desk beside her. ‘Gulp… so scary…’ A low-pressure aura seemed to envelop her, sending chills down her spine. At the same time, Ye Xingmian remembered yesterday’s promise. Even though she knew the other party would definitely be angry if she missed the deadline, she thought maybe she could still salvage it. Yeah, salvage it—maybe the outcome would be much better?

‘Um… Ziyan…’

‘What is it?’ Lin Ziyan immediately turned her head, her icy, sharp black eyes staring straight at the girl, making her swallow instinctively.

‘N-nothing…’ Shrinking back, the girl rested her head on the desk, afraid to look at her. She had a bad feeling… Hopefully, it was just her imagination.

And so, until class started, neither of them spoke another word. The so-called help with studying was indeed just empty talk. At least from Ye Xingmian’s observation, Lin Ziyan was either doing test papers or secretly playing on her phone under the desk, barely listening to the lesson. This reminded Ye Xingmian of herself. She had a phone now too, but she didn’t dare take it out as blatantly as Lin Ziyan did.

Speaking of phones… maybe she could try adding the monitor’s contact info? ‘Hmm… better forget it…’