The Perils of a Laptop and a Late Night

The playful, half-serious banter continued for some time before Yang Laoer glanced at the clock, pouting his lips in clear dissatisfaction. “Damn it, Big Brother has been gone for ages. Why isn’t he back yet? It’s not like we sent him to the boiler room to freshly boil water.”

“Or maybe he lost his meal card and decided to cover his face, then rob a convenience store for instant noodles? If he doesn’t come back soon, the lights will be out!”

Linghu Ruoxu, hearing this, chimed in playfully, “If that’s the case, I hope Big Brother doesn’t forget to rob some pickled vegetables, braised eggs, and ham sausage. Oh, and maybe some peanuts too.”

“Could he have run into a female hooligan on the way, robbed of his money and his virtue?” Yang Laoer’s spirits lifted even further when someone joined his antics, prompting him to spout even more nonsense.

I rolled my eyes at him, a hint of disdain in my voice. “No female hooligan would bother robbing someone as plain-looking as our Big Brother, would they? Besides, I’ve heard of people being robbed of money and virtue, but never of someone being robbed for instant noodles!”

Yang Laoer considered this, then immediately agreed. “Fourth Brother has a point! In comparison, I, your Second Brother, am far more ‘dangerous’ than Big Brother!”

To be honest, his statement held some truth. In terms of looks, Yang Laoer, thanks to his family’s genes, could indeed be considered handsome and refined. However, the sole flaw in his declaration was that if this fellow were to truly encounter a so-called female hooligan in the dead of night, in a narrow alley, it would likely be the female hooligan who ended up fleeing in disarray.

After all, no matter how much of a hooligan a woman might be, she couldn’t possibly be more of a hooligan than our Second Brother, could she?

“Female hooligan, release Big Brother! If you dare, come at me!” Second Brother declared with booming bravado, puffing out his chest, lifting his head, and tightly closing his eyes, his expression as if he had already resigned himself to being defiled by a female hooligan.

Watching his performance, I couldn’t help but shake my head, lamenting in my heart for the truly non-existent female hooligan.

Linghu Ruoxu, witnessing this scene, spoke with a thoughtful expression: “Speaking of which, it seems the school hasn’t been very peaceful lately. On my way to and from classes, I’ve noticed a distinct air of vigilance and solemnity.”

Upon his mention, both Yang Laoer and I fell into contemplation, each considering our observations in the school over the past few days. Although my sensitivity to killing intent was currently low due to my lost internal energy, I could still somewhat perceive the ominous atmosphere pervading the campus.

The mood in the dorm room grew heavy all at once.

An ancient saying goes, ‘When something is amiss, malevolence is surely at play.’ Such a campus-wide alert and solemn atmosphere at Tianwu University usually indicated one of two things: either officials from the imperial court were visiting for inspection and comfort, or a beast in the back mountains had achieved sentience. Of course, mixing up these two reasons was not unheard of at Tianwu University. Specifically, there was an incident involving mistaking a pig for a… [CENSORED] heart-wrenching event. For instance, there was a time when a high-ranking official from a neighboring country, Goryeo, visited Tianwu University, and all the experts on campus were abuzz, mistakenly believing it was Marshal Tianpeng descended to the mortal realm and reincarnated incorrectly.

****

Fortunately, their worries didn’t last long, for a short while later, Big Brother returned, a thermos in his left hand and a large plastic bag of instant noodles in his right. However, his demeanor seemed somewhat furtive and evasive, which made Yang Laoer suspicious, wondering if he had truly been defiled by a female hooligan on the way, hence his appearance.

Yet, it was Linghu Ruoxu, usually engrossed in Japanese anime, who proposed with a straight face, “Second Brother, if you’re worried, you could try smelling Big Brother’s underwear to see if he’s… hehe… I remember a new anime where the female protagonist does exactly that when she suspects the male protagonist of cheating! Or Fourth Brother, you could do it too! From a role-playing perspective, it would be even more effective!”

This statement plunged Big Brother, Second Brother, and me into a moment of silence, followed by a wave of nausea. The three of us immediately jumped up and gave Linghu Ruoxu, who had so thoroughly disgusted us, a good beating.

After dealing with Linghu Ruoxu, it was already late, with the lights about to be extinguished. The four of us hastily ate our instant noodles, and then, before the girls’ dorm locked its doors, they rushed to escort me back to my room. At the time, Yang Laoer, who was accompanying me, received several glares from the dorm supervisor. Luckily, it was dark, and the poor lighting prevented her from recognizing him as the little rascal who frequently snuck around, peeking into the girls’ dorm, only to be chased all over campus.

****

The following morning, being a weekend, and with Senior Sister Xiao Ru having been utterly exhausted the previous night, she was currently nestled in her bed, ‘sleeping lazily through autumn.’ Consequently, she didn’t drag me to Room 322 of Building 322 to reenact that scene somewhat reminiscent of ‘the midnight rooster’s crow,’ allowing the three brothers in Room 322 to finally get a good night’s sleep.

I slept until the Sishi hour [9-11 AM], then lazily crawled out of bed. Stretching, I groggily pulled up the strap of my pajama top that had somehow slipped down my arm. I figured that by this time, the cafeteria’s breakfast would likely be mostly sold out. I hesitated, wondering whether I should go to the bakery to buy something quick to fill my stomach, or if I should just go back to sleep for a bit and then wake up for lunch. In my hazy state, a crucial matter suddenly occurred to me:

Returning from the boys’ dorm last night, it had been late, and in my hurried state, I had left my laptop in my previous spot without packing it away.

This was disastrous! My oversight last night meant I hadn’t considered the enormous loophole this created!

Specifically, given my currently ambiguous gender status, my sexual orientation had also become a dilemma. Thinking that ‘food and s*x are human nature,’ I had considered downloading some videos of a certain nature to stimulate myself and see what kind of gender pairings I was currently interested in. Consequently, my laptop contained many such resources, all unencrypted, uncompressed, and unconcealed. They were merely hastily tucked into a folder on the hard drive as a disguise, without even changing the name from ‘New Folder’!

Such a crude method, in the eyes of Yang Laoer, who was as sensitive to ‘unhealthy’ resources as a dog, was essentially like having no defenses at all. The thought of him discovering my videos sent a genuine chill down my spine!

Thus, I, who had been somewhat drowsy, instantly became wide awake. Faced with the dual temptations of breakfast and a return to sleep, I resolutely decided that before those brats in the dorm woke up, I needed to rush to secure the secrets on my laptop!

In the face of such a severe crisis, I didn’t even dare to dally. I swiftly slid out of bed, rushed to the washroom to freshen up, then fumbled into a random outfit, threw it on, opened the door, and darted toward the Building 322 boys’ dorm.