If I Show Him This.. There’s No Turning Back

The painting wasn’t completely finished yet, but soon Haeyoon would have to show it to the management team helping with his first exhibition.

Because the detailed concept and interior design of the exhibition hall needed to be planned around the main piece.

Since Haeyoon wanted Baek Jeongha to be the very first person to see this painting, he could no longer delay inviting him.

“I’m so nervous….”

His legs were trembling so much that Haeyoon walked to the sofa and plopped down.

He had been working tirelessly, eagerly anticipating the moment he could finally show it to Baek Jeongha, but now that the day was approaching, he felt like running away.

“Ugh….”

Making strange noises, Haeyoon covered his face with both hands and stamped his feet.

He had shown countless paintings to countless people, but he had never been this nervous.

Would he like it?

Would he recognize it?

What kind of heart it was painted with, what kind of feeling he wanted to express.

What Baek Jeongha meant to Seo Haeyoon.

Would he be able to tell?

He hoped so.

Deep down, Haeyoon definitely wanted Jeongha to read the feelings he had poured into this painting.

But at the same time, Haeyoon hoped Baek Jeongha would never know.

He was scared and afraid of revealing feelings he hadn’t even fully defined himself.

So he also hoped Jeongha’s impression would be just that it was a cool and good painting, nothing more.

These contradictory, conflicting feelings crashed together, causing a tidal wave in Haeyoon’s heart.

Could he really let Jeongha into the studio today?

Cradling these still ambiguous emotions, Haeyoon lay on the sofa and curled up.

Revealing yourself was always something that required tremendous courage.

* * * *

When Jeongha saw Haeyoon waiting for him in front of the studio door, he heard alarm bells ringing somewhere.

It wasn’t an actual sound.

It was a warning instinctively sounded by Jeongha’s inner self.

Seo Haeyoon seemed somehow tense.

His complexion was as pale as usual, but Jeongha, who knew Seo Haeyoon well enough, noticed that his face looked subtly flushed.

At the same time, Haeyoon also seemed deeply frightened.

Even though they had grown close enough that there was no need to be tense for no reason in front of each other, Haeyoon was as stiff as the moment he first met Jeongha.

Energy is contagious, especially between those who are intimate and close.

So Jeongha got tense.

Without even knowing where this atmosphere came from, his body shrank.

“You’re here?”

The tension peaked the moment Haeyoon awkwardly greeted him.

In that instant, Jeongha’s instincts screamed at him to run away, so loudly that his ears rang from the inaudible sound.

Jeongha clenched his fists.

He tended to trust his instincts.

Because he had often overcome crises by not ignoring the warnings his instincts shouted in his life.

“…Jeongha?”

By this point, Haeyoon had also noticed the strange atmosphere.

When someone who always approached him without hesitation and closed the distance hesitated, it was only natural to feel a sense of dissonance.

Haeyoon was a sensitive artist.

Though Baek Jeongha didn’t say anything, Haeyoon soon realized that he was facing an internal conflict.

The two faced each other across a space of less than a few steps.

It was a quiet but intense moment.

And the one fighting the fiercest battle in between was Baek Jeongha.

Though not physically there, Jeongha saw a line between himself and Haeyoon.

A river that, once crossed, could never be returned from, and a black hole hiding unknown dangers.

From the beginning until now, nothing had been difficult for Baek Jeongha.

There had been few moments of hesitation.

Approaching Seo Haeyoon had consistently been fun, and he was always an interesting person.

Though he had sometimes stamped his feet, overwhelmed by surging emotions, Baek Jeongha’s journey had mostly been enjoyable.

But from now on, it could be different.

The warning message probably meant that.

The moment he crossed that line, the moment he was sucked into the black hole, the control Baek Jeongha held could become meaningless within the laws of the universe.

Just beyond that line, Seo Haeyoon was asking.

Even so, will you, as you have always done, willingly throw your entire being into it?

How much time had passed.

A silence that felt like an eternity, yet also a fleeting moment, was broken when Jeongha let out a chuckle.

He was incredulous at Seo Haeyoon’s shamelessness.

In truth, Seo Haeyoon probably didn’t even know what he was asking.

He was urging Baek Jeongha to cross the line, yet he himself had no idea what it meant for Jeongha to do so.

Where else would you find such a shameless, selfish person?

“Is something wrong?”

Even though Jeongha laughed, Haeyoon still couldn’t relax and asked carefully.

Baek Jeongha could turn back here.

He could follow his instincts, not ignore the sharp warning, seize this probably last chance, and return safely to his own predictable world.

“…No.

Why would anything be wrong.”

But Jeongha didn’t.

He ignored his own near-certain instincts for the first time.

As he stepped toward Haeyoon, a sense of anticipation for the unknown future arose.

He had experienced a life without variables enough before meeting Seo Haeyoon.

It was a boring, tedious daily life.

Baek Jeongha hated that, so he had willingly invited the variable that was Seo Haeyoon into his life.

Running away now out of fear was something a coward would do.

“It’s cold, why are you waiting outside?

Trying to get sick again?”

At Jeongha’s voice, which spoke familiarly as if he had never emitted that strange aura, Haeyoon finally relaxed a little and pouted.

“You’re still going on about one time being sick.”

“One time?

You’ve already been laid up twice since you’ve known me, haven’t you?”

“…Just two times.”

At Haeyoon’s retort, Jeongha laughed again.

He liked this intimacy, gradually closing the distance.

If the world beyond the black hole is unknown, he could just jump in and find out.

Jeongha was willingly ready to enjoy the rest of the journey.

“So… are you heading home now?”

Jeongha asked, still with a hint of laughter in his voice.

There was also a trace of anticipation in his voice.

He was curious about the cause that had made him feel so uneasy.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stand not knowing, as if he had never hesitated.

“That’s not it….”

As if responding to Jeongha’s heart, Haeyoon spoke in a suddenly much smaller voice.

He wasn’t particularly sensitive to the cold, yet goosebumps rose on Jeongha’s arms.

Haeyoon mumbled, looking down slightly.

“Well… do you want to… come into the studio for a bit?”

“Ah…….”

A small exclamation mark appeared over Jeongha’s head.

So today was the day.

The day to show the new work he had been hiding away, even forbidding entry to the studio.

While he looked forward to seeing the piece he would show him first, he was also curious.

Why was he so nervous about showing a painting?

Of course, the moment of unveiling a new work could be nerve-wracking for a creator.

But the unease Jeongha had felt earlier was too strong to simply be called a creator’s nerves.

The fear Seo Haeyoon showed was something bigger, something more fundamental.

It was an emotion that would only be convincing if this act was significant enough to shake the relationship between Baek Jeongha and Seo Haeyoon.

He couldn’t understand why he had hesitated so much just to show a painting like a gift.

“Yeah.

Okay.”

Keeping his unanswered questions in his heart, Jeongha obediently nodded.

Haeyoon turned first, grabbed the studio door handle, and took a short breath.

His heart was pounding like it would burst, making his fingertips throb.

Inside this door lies the world that blossomed from Seo Haeyoon, from Baek Jeongha.

Like a human setting foot on an unknown planet for the first time, Baek Jeongha would greet that universe.

What changes would this moment bring for the two of them?

He couldn’t even begin to imagine.

Haeyoon had no certainty.

Baek Jeongha might just glance at it and move on.

He might admire it, say it’s a great painting, praise it, and thank him for showing it to him first.

Or he might be disappointed.

He might think, ‘This is what all the fuss was about?’

He wouldn’t say it out of politeness, but he could think whatever he wanted.

But this moment could also deliver a completely different outcome for the two of them.

Some feelings are expressed through art before they are even consciously recognized.

What is contained in this painting, which Haeyoon poured his all into, could only be starkly revealed in front of the painting’s subject.

If that were the case, if this painting was that kind of painting, then without a doubt, Baek Jeongha was that subject.

And both Jeongha and Haeyoon would finally confront the true nature of the emotions that had been floating ambiguously between them.

Haeyoon himself didn’t know what outcome he truly wanted.

He just kept in mind that the result of this act might not necessarily be good, and that he might come to regret this moment.

But one thing Haeyoon did know now.

Just as Baek Jeongha had said to the hesitant Haeyoon once, he would only know once he tried.

If he didn’t try, he would just keep wondering.

Would things have been different if I had been brave back then? Would I regret it less? Would I be even a little happier? Or would I have regretted my choice to be brave for a long time?

But if he tried, if he opened this door and went inside, Seo Haeyoon would finally know.

Whether this result is good or bad, or whether it’s an insignificant moment with no impact at all.

Haeyoon opened his eyes.

Then, slowly opening the door, he spoke to Jeongha behind him.

“It’s nothing special….”

Though even the painter doesn’t know where this heart is headed.

“But still, I hope you like it.”

At least hoping it wouldn’t be an unpleasant gift for you.

Finally, the closed door opened.