Too Late to Realize You Were My Home

After roughly finishing the experiment with Luke, Eren tended the vegetable garden together with him. They picked various vegetables, ate an early dinner, and then Eren sat down at his desk. It was to write the letters Arnold had requested.

“This is harder than I thought.”

But recalling the past wasn’t very pleasant, so his progress was slow. Arnold had said he would send someone once a month, but looking at the amount he had written in three days, he doubted he would have much even after a month.

As Arnold had said, Eren didn’t try to put any special stories into his writing. He simply calmly organized his final thoughts, writing down the story of his life.

At first, he wondered who would want to read such gloomy, uninteresting content, but thinking of it as a final diary he was leaving for himself made it quite enjoyable. It felt somewhat like writing a will.

“Let’s stop here for today.”

Eren put away the densely written paper and pressed his tired eyes with his palms.

Come to think of it, the frequency of his nosebleeds had noticeably decreased since coming to this hut. Perhaps because he was sleeping well. Today, he’d only had one, in the morning. Or maybe it was because he was following Luke’s example and eating every meal properly.

‘Or maybe it’s just because I’m not stressed anymore.’

Organizing his thoughts, Eren left his room to get a drink of water before bed. Passing through the living room, as he went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water, he saw Luke asleep on the sofa.

Lying on the body-hugging sofa, covered with a thick blanket, he looked quite cozy. It seemed even more so because the cats were curled up on his lap and at his feet.

“Why don’t you go to your room and sleep comfortably.”

Whether it heard Eren’s voice, the cat on his lap got up and stretched, causing the blanket to slip off.

“Ah, sorry. I woke you.”

Meow, making a strange sound, the cat hopped off his lap and went to settle in front of the fireplace. Eren approached Luke and carefully picked up the fallen blanket.

As he covered Luke up to his neck, the face of Kazen, the last time he’d seen him, suddenly came to mind. Though Luke and Kazen looked completely different, as if they were different races altogether, Eren’s heart felt as if it had dropped into his stomach.

“Master….”

Just then, Luke suddenly raised his hand and lightly grasped Eren’s hand.

“Mmm, I want to sleep a little longer.”

Unlike his usual gruff tone, this sleepy mumbling almost made Eren smile.

Eren looked at Luke’s rough hand, still holding his own. Unlike Kazen’s or Harold’s, this hand, which had experienced all sorts of hardships, felt beautiful in a different way. Luke, asleep with his eyes closed, looked unexpectedly young, making Eren feel bad for leaving him.

“Sleep well. No one will wake you.”

Afraid that pulling his hand away might wake him, Eren sat quietly at his feet. The white cat, also having woken up, climbed onto Eren’s lap and settled down. The heavy, warm weight was comforting.

He realized, anew, that there was such a life in this world. After living so intensely and busily every day, this cozy, comfortable life felt refreshing.

If only he had a little more time, he could have enjoyed this life even a day longer. He couldn’t help but feel regret.

‘I should start settling my mind now….’

He wanted to see Kazen one last time. He regretted leaving behind only a short letter. He should have faced him and said goodbye.

‘He probably isn’t thinking of me by now, though.’

Eren stared blankly at the full moon shining brightly outside the window. He wondered if Kazen was looking at the same sky right now.

* * * *

After parting with Harold and returning to the Ducal residence, Kazen drank himself into a stupor. Since hearing the news about Eren, he hadn’t been able to keep his head straight.

Just a short while ago, he had been fine, and now, without warning, he was dead. He wanted to think it wasn’t true, but Harold had no reason to fabricate such a lie.

Like a man drowning in alcohol, Kazen collapsed on the bed and fell into a deep, unconscious sleep. Soon, in his dream, Kazen recalled a memory he had long forgotten.

It was three years ago, not long after Eren had come to the Ducal residence.

Around that time, Kazen was being hailed as a war hero, and many people sought him out. But under the pretense of recovering from his war wounds, Kazen did not set foot outside the mansion.

As Kazen’s valet, Eren had to stick by his side like a shadow all day. Every moment from the time he opened his eyes in the morning until he lay back down in bed at night, they spent together.

When at the mansion, Kazen would read books, play billiards, occasionally walk in the garden, or exercise. Any remaining time he primarily devoted to educating Eren.

Kazen’s education started with the smallest things. From basic etiquette like how to dress properly and table manners, to studies in literature, society, and philosophy.

‘Read aloud the page I just opened.’

‘Ah, yes. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer’s lease hath all too short a date….’

While Eren read poetry, Kazen would sit quietly by the window, drinking wine. As if Eren’s voice were nothing more than pleasant background music.

‘I’m sorry, Your Grace. My throat is dry; may I go get a glass of water?’

Watching Eren put down the book, Kazen gestured for him to come closer. He made Eren sit beside him, filled a glass, and asked.

‘Have you ever had sherry?’

‘No, Your Grace. I’ve had other alcohols, but I’ve never had sherry.’

Eren answered calmly, looking at the opaque liquid in the glass. Kazen pushed the glass toward him, as if bestowing generous mercy.

‘Try it.’

‘It’s a kind offer, but I’m not very good with alcohol….’

Kazen knew he wasn’t good at drinking. But why was it? Whenever he saw Eren’s innocent face, he wanted to make him squirm.

‘I know. But drink it anyway. It’s just one glass; what could happen?’

Eren picked up the glass, pale with fright. Watching him with interest, Kazen added an explanation.

‘That one glass is worth about your yearly salary.’

‘Th-that expensive?’

He knew Eren wouldn’t be able to refuse if he put it that way. After hesitating for a moment, Eren finally took a cautious sip.

‘Don’t just swallow it. Hold it in your mouth and savor the wine’s deep aroma, texture, and flavor.’

Kazen said with feigned solemnity, but Eren furrowed his brow. It clearly wasn’t to his taste. Kazen, knowing this, asked mischievously.

‘How is it?’

‘The aroma is very nice.’

‘That’s all? How boring. Then how about this?’

Kazen snatched away the sherry, which he had said was worth Eren’s yearly salary, and threw it into the fireplace. Then he took out a bottle of port and poured another glass.

‘Hmm, I’m not sure about this one either.’

‘Then try this one.’

Having no idea, Eren drank whatever Kazen gave him. After downing three or four kinds of brandy and whiskey, his face turned bright red. Before long, his body slumped onto the sofa like a wet rag.

‘Is he drunk already?’

At the sight of Eren’s defenseless state, unlike ever before, Kazen couldn’t help but laugh. His disheveled hair, his unfocused eyes—nothing about him was neat. It was the complete opposite of the Eren who always buttoned his shirt all the way to the top.

‘No, no, Your Grace. I’m not drunk.’

He was saying he wasn’t drunk, but his tongue was twisted, his pronunciation a mess. Kazen sat beside him, took the glass from his hand, and downed it in one gulp.

‘You pick up everything else I teach you quickly, but you’re terrible at drinking. No talent for it.’

‘That’s not true. I can do better. Let me try again.’

Even as he spoke in a mess, like a young child who had just learned to speak, Eren was stubborn. Despite not even being able to support his own body, he was trying to force himself up by putting strength into his upper body. Kazen, finding it absurd, let out a dry laugh.

‘If I hadn’t saved you that day, you would never have tasted anything like this. So you should be grateful to me.’

‘Thank you, Your Grace. Thank you for saving me and for taking me into the Ducal household.’

Bowing his head, Eren kept murmuring thanks. Then, Eren’s limp body fell into Kazen’s arms.

Almost instinctively, Kazen held Eren’s shoulders as he fell into his embrace. His small frame was more than enveloped in one arm.

‘Your Grace, mmm….’

The feeling of his muttering voice tickling his ear wasn’t so bad. So Kazen held him in his arms, staying still. Before long, he heard steady breathing.

‘Is he asleep?’