The Bittersweet Edge of Effort

I frequently attended classes with Blodgett and became quite close with his uncle as well. Zeke Blodgett, who had initially left a terrible first impression by picking a fight with Leo, turned out to be a better person than I expected.

I gave him extra points for admitting Leo’s skill and apologizing, saying he hadn’t been able to overcome a moment of youthful folly back then. It couldn’t have been easy to admit. Besides, Leo had moved on coolly, so there was no need for me to hold onto it and stay on edge.

Life was peacefully routine, almost to the point where I thought staying in Robenus like this wouldn’t be so bad. However, I knew this wouldn’t last long.

It was about time for a reply to the letter I sent to Edward Spellman. Without informing my family, I had requested “hard training” from him. I didn’t have high expectations when I was taking his regular classes, but seeing how he had personally visited and offered continued help, it seemed unlikely he would refuse.

When Spellman says “vigorous training,” his standards are different from others. The Spellman family was a renowned swordsmanship lineage, no less famous than the Dimensions, and their internal curriculum was exceptional.

Others had to spend years as trainees or pass incredibly difficult tests just to receive that education. But as a student of the head of the family himself, I didn’t need to do all that. It was a good thing. A good thing, yes, but at the same time, it made my future look bleak. Just imagining it made my stomach churn. To meet Spellman’s standards with only common talent, I would have to swing a sword until I literally felt like vomiting.

I felt like crying at the thought of the scheduled suffering ahead. It seemed as though there were many paths available, but in the end, this was the only one I could choose.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t hesitated. But the conclusion after agonizing was always the same: I can’t stay like this.

The Sun Festival and Nox—both times, I was thoroughly overwhelmed by raw power. It wasn’t even a battlefield; it was just the back alleys. My opponents weren’t professional soldiers or the Empire’s famous knights.

Nox was a harsher place, sure, but the sense of defeat felt deeper this time. In a world where power is everything, I had done nothing but tremble because I lacked it.

This self-loathing would only grow as the original story progressed. Within the forced narrative of the original work, there wasn’t much an individual could change just by running around. But that didn’t mean I could just settle for it, did it? If I was just going to stomp my feet and cling to someone else, there was no need to live this difficult life.

Most of the conflicts in the original work are part of the process of Llewellyn and the Crown Prince confirming their true love. If I were to choose him—which is a truly disgusting thought, but regardless—if I accepted the Crown Prince’s heart and became his obedient lover, none of these things would happen.

However, I willingly decided to step out of that safe world. Having decided to take risks, I couldn’t choose a lukewarm, comfortable life. I decided to fold my dreams of being a wealthy unemployed person or a do-nothing salary thief.

If talent is lacking, then passion; if passion isn’t enough, then effort; and if even that fails, then I have to climb up by screaming and clawing. At least to the point where I won’t lose heart by blaming my own inadequacies.

It was a languid voice that snapped me back to reality from my firm resolution.

“It seems it’s not to your taste?”

The owner of the voice was smiling, his golden eyes curving. Since he hadn’t been answering properly, I thought he didn’t even want to talk. I quickly swallowed the fruit I had been chewing on while lost in thought. The sugar-coated, slightly simmered fruit was sickeningly sweet. Because it was low-quality fruit, it didn’t have the rich flavor of the desserts I usually ate.

“No. It’s delicious.”

Luke watched my face, resting his chin on his hand.

He likely knew about my status. He’d seen my hair color and probably checked which direction I headed back that day. Despite that, he didn’t point out that I was visiting him in commoner’s clothes, and I didn’t touch upon the fact that he knew I was a noble. If he was willing to feign ignorance, I didn’t need to expose it.

But more than that…

I checked Luke’s face while taking another bite of the simmered fruit. Today, he was smiling as usual, but he didn’t feel like his usual self. He was clearly angry, but since he covered it with a thin layer of composure, it only made me more anxious as an observer.

He could hide it perfectly if he put his mind to it. Yet, every time his smile-less face peeked through, my heart thudded. It was obvious he was doing it on purpose. Of course, I understood why he’d be in a foul mood. I swallowed my complaints as I looked at the long laceration stretching from under Luke’s eye to near his jaw. Even though it had healed a bit, the wound—still showing traces of blood—looked painful enough that I didn’t even want to touch it.

Luke had been gone for several days.

He hadn’t shown up on the day we were supposed to meet, so I was stood up, and I made two more fruitless trips after that. At first, I was furious, and then I wondered if the bastard had grown bored of me. I only worried that his brief interest had cooled; I never imagined something might have happened to him.

I had seen him walking through streets normal people wouldn’t even enter as if it were his own front yard, and besting adults several times his size. So, it was only natural that I was stunned when I saw the state of his face when he finally appeared.

What daring bastard did this…? I was so shocked by the visible wound that it took some time for it to occur to me that if his face was in that state, there might be injuries elsewhere.

I couldn’t be sure of the state of his body under his clothes, but there’s no way he would have given up his face without a struggle. Naturally, the wretched state of Nox came to mind. I didn’t know if he’d even disinfected it properly, let alone received treatment. The terrible hygiene seemed likely to create illnesses that didn’t even exist.

Suppreing the urge to scream at him to go to a hospital immediately, I asked if he shouldn’t at least apply some medicine properly, but he didn’t answer and just smiled slightly. Seeing that uncomfortable smile, I knew he wouldn’t comply even if I tried to drag him.

The feeling of unease remained, but I figured it’s your body, not mine, and stopped trying to persuade him. He was injured, but not so severely that he couldn’t stand. Even without my meddling, his handling of the situation would have been thorough. The fact that Luke was well enough to roam outside like this likely meant his opponent no longer existed in this world.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

When I pointed out his skewer, which hadn’t decreased a bit since we first bought it, Luke waved it in the air before casually tossing it away. The red and blue fruits tumbled on the ground. It looked like they would attract bugs in no time.

“It’s not to my taste.”

At those words, I felt ridiculous for having eaten so diligently that sugar syrup was smeared on my hands and mouth. I glared at him, unable to bring myself to throw away my half-finished skewer.

Luke reached out and wiped the syrup from near my mouth with his finger, then rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger. The sticky syrup clung like glue.

“It’s too sweet. And sticky.”

I snapped back, feeling a surge of irritation at his tone, which suggested he never had any intention of eating it in the first place.

“You’re the one who chose to buy it!”

“I wanted to see you eat it.”

The tone was nonchalant, but the content was a bit dizzying when I thought about it. I instinctively flinched back to create some distance. Goosebumps ran down my spine. Wait, him too? I scrutinized Luke’s face. He wasn’t looking at me like I was a custard-filled cream puff, the way the Crown Prince did.

I tried to calm myself down. This isn’t at a dangerous level yet.

“Let’s go somewhere else today.”

Without waiting for an answer, Luke grabbed my hand and led me away. Usually, we just talked for a bit and that was it. It seemed he’d had some change of heart after getting hurt.

I followed him without a word, looking up at the still-bright sky. His pace was fast enough to make me stumble, but once I adjusted, it wasn’t impossible to keep up.

Luke headed straight across the third alley. Back when Elliott and I were following Berinon, the merchants were desperate to catch our attention. Now, far from soliciting him, they acted as if Luke were invisible. Some even went inside their shops and slammed the doors shut.

We walked until we stopped behind a shop, where the walls connected. My nose hurt because of the cluster of perfume shops nearby. Not wanting to seem too sensitive compared to the unbothered Luke, I didn’t even cover my nose with my sleeve. He scanned me from head to toe before pushing a nearby box flush against the wall.

“Don’t put too much weight on it, it might break.”

As he said that, he himself lightly vaulted over the wall without even stepping on the box. The wall, which looked a bit shorter than a grown man, didn’t seem that difficult to clear. It looked even easier seeing how effortlessly Luke jumped up.

I was about to say I could climb it without the box, but then I just quietly stepped on it. If I tried to be prideful and failed, the blow to my ego would be much worse.

The box, which had probably held fruit originally, looked messy with dirty stamps all over it. The worn-out box—recycled for various purposes until it was discarded here—creaked as if the top would collapse just by me putting my foot on it. Perhaps because I didn’t weigh much yet, the disaster of it breaking didn’t occur.

Once I nimbly climbed atop the wall, he began walking along the top of it. Watching him stride across such a narrow space without hesitation, he almost looked elegant.