Chapter 69 Women Who Can Become Mothers

It is impossible for any sentient being, capable of thought, to be entirely devoid of emotion.

So long as one possesses the capacity for thought, the ability to make choices, and the inclination to act, a complete absence of emotion remains an impossibility.

For the very act of ‘wanting to do’ inherently implies a certain preference or inclination.

Where there is inclination, desire inevitably follows.

And with desire, emotion is an absolute certainty.

Indeed, Xie Shenhong had once led a life defined by strict adherence to orders.

Yet, that existence could, at best, be described as a state of emotional scarcity or profound suppression.

After all, prior to his orphanage, Xie Shenhong had been a perfectly normal child.

And his current state was no exception.

“Perhaps you assume my extensive efforts stem from pity for your plight,

yet the world abounds with individuals more deserving of my sympathy and compassion. Why, then, would I choose to aid you specifically?”

“An acquaintance? A teammate? A colleague? A friend? While all these factors might hold some sway, the most direct and overriding reason is simply that I wish to help you.

I want to help the Xie Shenhong I have come to know… And as for how this version of Xie Shenhong, the one I feel compelled to assist, came into being, it is precisely because he undertook numerous ‘things he truly desired to do,’ thereby transforming into the person standing before me today, the one I am so willing to help.”

Xie Shenhong’s thoughts involuntarily drifted back to a distant past.

He recalled the involuntary flicker of joy that had graced Gan Mian’s face when he declared that, as Gan Mian was his superior, he would do everything in his power to save him.

Indeed, he had been presented with several choices then, yet his immediate thought, his strongest inclination, had been to rescue his master.

No, in truth, Gan Mian had perceived it much earlier.

It was during his earnest admonition: “Betraying the organization is a grave offense.”

And the days he subsequently spent with his foster mother only served to make it even more apparent.

He had consistently engaged in actions intended to please his foster mother.

Initially, these actions might have been driven by the imperative to “survive.”

However, as time progressed, his true inclinations and desires had become unequivocally clear.

No… it would be more accurate to say that his foster mother had been aware of it from a very early stage.

His foster mother’s true discontent lay not in his pretense of normalcy, but rather in his profound lack of self-love.

Moreover, his aspirations never once encompassed his own personal pursuits.

All of these issues began to resolve themselves when he offered to assist in addressing the supernatural incident.

He perceived it as merely playing a role, yet prior to that, an incident had occurred where an individual with supernatural abilities attacked ordinary citizens.

One of his classmates had tragically perished in the chaos.

His teacher had remarked that he wasn’t particularly close to that classmate.

Nevertheless, he distinctly recalled the classmate speaking of a desire to travel with their family during the summer holidays, and of achieving excellent grades in the final exams to bring joy to their loved ones.

Thus, witnessing the sorrow etched upon his classmate’s family’s faces, a profound desire bloomed within him.

It was to ensure the culprit was stained crimson.

Perhaps discerning his true intentions, his foster mother acquiesced to his request to assist with the work.

Ultimately, they succeeded in apprehending the perpetrator.

Yet, his foster mother did not permit him to act upon his burning desire.

“In our line of work, it is, of course, impossible to avoid harming anyone entirely. However, every life holds immense value, and only those who truly respect and comprehend the gravity of this truth are truly qualified to pull the trigger…”

Instead, she instilled in him the discipline not to act impulsively, not to succumb to his desires, even when the actions he yearned to take seemed righteous and just.

Though he would, on more than one occasion, later forget this lesson in moments of impulsive passion.

Nevertheless, he continually endeavored to align himself with the path his foster mother had illuminated.

Because he liked it.

Therefore, he wished to do it.

Even if failure loomed, even if he might not perform admirably…

And the present moment was no exception.

Indeed, his current anxiety, his burgeoning inferiority complex, and his deep-seated dissatisfaction with himself all stemmed from one profound truth—

“Shenhong… what is it that you truly wish to accomplish? What kind of person do you aspire to be?”

He yearned for his friends and family to acknowledge and affirm him!

He longed to become the true Crimson Hawk, to earn trust and forge a legacy just like the legendary Crimson Hawk!

He aspired to embody the true Saintess Hai Zhu, to rescue the kingdom and all of humanity!

He harbored countless desires, yet… what good was mere contemplation?

“Then, do you no longer wish to continue?”

He parted his lips.

Yet, not a single sound escaped him.

He knew the future that awaited him should he choose not to persevere.

He did not wish for things to unfold in such a manner.

He refused to allow things to become so.

“Therefore, will you simply halt your progress?”

Gazing into the murky expanse before him, he hesitated.

He feared failure.

He worried that his advancement might not lead to the future he truly yearned for.

He worried that his limited perspective might cause him to overlook the correct path forward.

“Just as you misunderstood me in the past, isn’t that so?”

“Yes.”

“Then what prompted your change of heart towards me?”

“That is because you proved yourself worthy.”

“It was because you sought verification that I was afforded the opportunity to prove myself.”

“…”

“Then this time, why would you not do the same?”

“…”

‘Afraid they’ll discover you’re an impostor?’

“…”

“Yet, there is something you fear even more, isn’t there?”

Indeed, more than the prospect of failure, he dreaded encountering the future that had existed prior to his rebirth.

More precisely, he feared his loved ones and friends suffering harm.

Even if he was an impostor.

Even if their bond was built on falsehoods.

Even if, upon learning the truth, they might come to despise him.

He still yearned to help them, to save them, and to ensure their happiness.

This desire transcended any notion of blood ties or identity.

It was simply because he wished to do so.

It was merely because he had long ago grown fond of them.

Indeed, what if he were merely a stranger?

Would a stranger then be incapable of such actions?

Surely not?

In this world, the notion that blood is inherently thicker than water has never been an absolute truth.

Examples abound of relatives or friends who grow distant, ignoring one another, or even becoming bitter enemies.

Blood relations, blood relations… what truly matters is the “bond” itself, the heartfelt intention that sustains the connection between two individuals.

The same holds true for friendships; it was precisely through his interactions with the golden-haired youth before him in this lifetime that a bond of trust, entirely distinct from any in his previous existence, was forged.

For any relationship to flourish, at least one party must proactively extend a hand.

A hand.

The crux of the matter lies solely in the willingness to act.

Therefore—

“Lyte, I wish to continue.”

To continue being Xie Shenhong, and also Xie Hai Zhu.

To continue pursuing the myriad things I yearn to do.

“So, let us return.”

Xie Shenhong declared, a palpable lightness replacing his earlier gloom.

He anticipated the golden-haired youth before him would offer a smile of affirmation, as if to say, ‘Of course.’

However, the golden-haired youth did not respond as expected.

“Shenhong, come with me for a moment.”

Instead, Lyte took his hand and continued to lead him forward, deeper into the enveloping darkness.

No, that wasn’t right.

As they ascended a small hill, a solitary ray of dawn light tore through the heavens, and he finally comprehended the other’s intent, the message they wished to impart.

For without enduring the wind and rain, how could one ever hope to witness a rainbow?

Though the lighthouse’s beam might not suffice to banish the all-encompassing gloom, unwavering persistence would undeniably usher in a golden dawn.

“Lyte, thank you, I…”

Yet, he had misjudged the situation once more.

“Shenhong, look over there.”

The golden-haired youth was not indicating the profoundly symbolic sun, which had once again ascended to radiate its dazzling brilliance.

Instead, his finger swept towards the thousand-mile expanse of fertile land, now bathed in a glorious golden radiance.

It was the magnificent mountains and rivers of their nation.

“What do you think?”

“It’s truly beautiful.”

The profound symbolism of dawn as hope.

It lay not in the sheer brilliance of its light.

Rather, it was in its ability to unveil the world’s true countenance to all who beheld it.

Thereby allowing one to fall in love with a world once shrouded in impenetrable darkness.

“Lyte.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gazing at the golden-haired youth beside him, whose face was alight with a cheerful smile, an overwhelming impulse surged within Xie Shenhong.

It was the conviction that even if the entire world were to abandon him.

So long as the golden-haired youth remained steadfastly by his side.

He would still possess the capacity to fall in love with this world anew.