Unexpected Problems and Lingering Hope

“Doyoung-hyung, could he really have such taste? Wow, that’s incredible.”

Yoon Jihyuk chided Lee Seon, who was making all sorts of exaggerated gestures, grimacing and waving his hands in disbelief.

“Seon, no matter what, saying something like that about your sister in front of Yohan is a bit much…”

‘Well, she’s not my sister, so I don’t really have any strong feelings about it. Given how bad their relationship seemed, Kwon Yohan probably didn’t think much of it either. So, I saw no need to point out Lee Seon’s words.’

Lee Seon, as always, was remarkably obedient to Yoon Jihyuk’s words. His lips pouted, and he subtly glanced at me, clearly unwilling to apologize.

“No, well… fine, I get it.”

As the loudest member fell silent, subdued, the waiting room instantly grew quiet. Lee Seon, as if truly a dog, began to feign sleep, but the constant twitching of his eyelids clearly gave away his act. ‘He’s truly amusing, I’ll give him that.’

Yoon Jihyuk, seemingly tireless, went outside with the staff again, while I roughly cleared the table and picked up my tablet. I intended to commit the finer details, which I hadn’t quite perfected yesterday, more thoroughly to memory, and properly internalize the lyrics I had vaguely lip-synced due to lingering anxiety.

However, as I prepared to lower my head, I felt an intense gaze piercing the crown of my head. ‘Should I ignore it? Yet, with one person next to me feigning sleep and another staring intently, it was impossible to concentrate. And my mind was calmer than it had been yesterday.’

I slowly raised my head, intending to give the other person time to avert their gaze as if they hadn’t been watching.

“…”

‘My effort was utterly futile.’ Choi Seung-beom had completely turned the chair from in front of the mirror to face me on the sofa, sitting with his arms crossed and staring intently.

“…What is it?”

His sharply defined face was devoid of expression. Choi Seung-beom wasn’t particularly expressive. This was true on broadcast, and even more so in daily life. Perhaps only when he was on stage would he show any emotion.

Yet, it was curious how he gave off a less awkward impression than Yoon Jihyuk, who always smiled so brightly. ‘Perhaps it was because he didn’t feel like he was faking anything.’

After a moment of deliberation, he spoke.

“You… you’ve never talked on the phone in front of us before.”

‘I felt the person next to me perk up their ears. That merely making and receiving a phone call could be perceived as unusual behavior… just how much had Kwon Yohan walled himself off from the other members?’

“And this morning, it seemed like you didn’t even lock the door.”

Having said that much, Choi Seung-beom lowered his eyes and his lips twitched. His arms were no longer crossed, and he had brought his hands together in front of him, his fingers fidgeting. It was a surprisingly dainty gesture for his build.

“Can I take this as a sign that you’re finally willing to give it your all?”

Only now did the obvious facts—that the person before me was merely a twenty-two-year-old, a rookie idol who had debuted only three months ago—truly sink in. I knew nothing of the specific circumstances or the efforts he had made to reach this position. If I knew anything, it was only that his pre-debut period had been quite long.

However, his skill spoke volumes. Unless he was a once-in-ten-thousand genius, the sheer passion required to sing well enough to rival the main vocalist of a seven-year veteran idol group—our Leader, that is—who possessed both talent and immense dedication, must have been extraordinary. Moreover, he had debuted from a major agency, which was difficult to even get into, and even harder to debut from. The team must have been precious to him, and Kwon Yohan, as an element of instability, must have been a constant annoyance.

“It’s difficult.”

My tangled emotions inadvertently spilled out. Choi Seung-beom flinched, then raised his wavering gaze. The temperature was enough to erase any hesitation.

“I don’t know what ‘giving it your all’ means to you, hyung… but I’ll try my best.”

Uttering such words in a moment of sentimentality to reassure him felt like an act of erasing Kwon Yohan, and the uneasy feeling didn’t disappear. Yet, seeing Choi Seung-beom’s face, now as firm as usual, I felt that this would suffice.

‘Of course. How could we leave an element that would prevent the main vocalist from concentrating during a live broadcast?’

****

The problem, unexpectedly, lay with me.

“Hey, are you okay?”

To the extent that Lee Seon, who usually only grumbled at me, was now expressing such concern.

When people confront unexpected negative emotions, they sometimes experience a chilling sensation, as if all the blood in their body has drained to their feet. Having experienced this a few times while promoting as Red Moon, it wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, but today’s intensity was severe.

“Your face looks like a ghost’s.”

Conscious of the fans possibly hearing, Lee Seon uncharacteristically whispered.

‘Of course. Kwon Yohan’s already pale skin must now be as white as a sheet.’

“…Isn’t it just because the lighting is blue?”

I vaguely mumbled, looking beyond the stage where I stood.

The HEX fans, vastly outnumbering our own, didn’t register in my eyes. It was because of the handful of people in the corner, clutching the official lightsticks from Moonshine’s first recruitment drive, Red Moon’s fan club. The area where they gathered exuded a funereal atmosphere, as if it were a space distinctly separated from the rest. Among them, some had makeup smudged by tears, their faces a mess.

Some of HEX’s fans occasionally glanced at them. No, “glanced” was too mild a term. They would glare with sharp, stinging eyes, then, realizing HEX was right in front of them, would swiftly adopt angelic expressions and face forward.

A pang shot through my chest. I understood, intellectually, that from their perspective, they might resent our fans for disrupting their artists’ long-awaited stage. ‘I understand, but… We even put out an announcement. Why are they still here?’

Arrows of undeserved anger threatened to turn toward these precious people. But that was only for a moment. What must it feel like for them, having watched other groups’ performances here all this time, knowing full well that Red Moon wouldn’t appear, yet clinging to a sliver of hope? I couldn’t dare fathom it, and it made me feel distant.

“HEX, please enter the stage!”

The booming voice of a broadcasting official forcibly pulled me back to reality.

The members of a team that should have had no common ground whatsoever were all looking at me with different expressions. Han Doyoung, his eyes narrowed; Lee Seon, looking uneasy; Choi Seung-beom, his gaze filled with concern; and Yoon Jihyuk, smiling consistently.

It had only been a few hours since I’d promised to try my best. Words always carry responsibility. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

‘So, let’s consider it a blessing that I was the only one to witness this sight. That my precious members’ hearts might be spared from collapsing quite so utterly.’

“Let’s go.”

I murmured softly, as if making a vow, and found my designated position. The clicking sound through my in-ear monitor sharpened my focus like a blade.

I had to deliver a performance that even non-fans would remember fondly. ‘That is how I will comfort you in your final moments.’

‘Did Kwon Yohan’s body also recognize my resolve?’ I felt the blood, which I had thought drained to my feet, return to its place. It might have been merely an illusion brought on by emotion, but what mattered was that the strength to move my body vigorously now surged to my fingertips.

‘Nothing else matters.’ Though my gaze was precisely fixed on the camera, every other sense was drawn not to HEX’s vigorously shaking lightsticks, but to the unlit, drooping ones below.

‘Those will never wave again, but I alone will remember today.’

****

When we returned to the waiting room after the ranking announcement, Han Doyoung wore a somewhat troubled expression. ‘He performed the first-place encore so well, so why is he like that?’ His Adam’s apple bobbing as he uncapped a bottle of water and gulped it down stood out particularly to me.

The moment I sat on the sofa, all my strength drained, leaving me unable to even twitch a finger. Fortunately, I didn’t collapse like yesterday, but Kwon Yohan’s body, for some reason, struggled so much with every single stage performance.

‘Just how unwell is he, for it to be like this?’ Even if he was an insincere person, even if he was falling behind other members and being criticized, practice was unavoidable to stand on stage. This meant Kwon Yohan must have received dance training, but despite that, his muscles, essential for dancing, were lacking in many respects, which was also a problem.

‘Or am I exerting too much force, unsuitable for Kwon Yohan’s body?’ The muscles in my limbs were twitching faintly. ‘As if warning me not to move beyond my limits.’

Fortunately, there didn’t seem to be another schedule. Still, I should quickly change out of my costume and prepare to return to the dorm. I simply couldn’t muster the strength to move. ‘Just a moment of rest. If I move once the other members have all changed, it’ll somehow work out.’ I closed my aching eyes.

It was then. A large figure approached with heavy steps, and then someone grabbed my arm and pulled. I didn’t cooperate with him, intending to show my desire to rest for a moment. Regardless, the person roughly propped up my slumped body and placed a large palm on my back.

‘…What are you doing?’ The palm didn’t move away, but rather glided across my back, shifting its angle and position. Eventually, my patience snapped before the other person stopped their inexplicable actions. More precisely, I couldn’t bear the curiosity of what exactly they were doing.

Lifting my heavy eyelids, I saw Choi Seung-beom directly in front of me.

“What are you doing?”

Choi Seung-beom slightly furrowed his brow and replied indifferently.

“Checking your condition.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“No. But I can tell if you’re breathing properly just by touching you.”

“If you’ve come to your senses, get up.” As soon as he finished speaking, Choi Seung-beom grabbed me by the waist with both hands and lifted me with a heave. ‘Why does this person keep lifting a twenty-year-old adult male like a child? He doesn’t even seem like the type to enjoy showing off his strength.’

In any case, with my feet forcibly on the ground, I had no choice but to brace my legs and stand to avoid falling. While this sequence of events unfolded, Han Doyoung’s meticulously styled hair was a complete mess, as if it had been hit by a bomb.

“Doyoung, are you really going out like that?”

Yoon Jihyuk pointed it out gently, but Han Doyoung didn’t seem to hear, unfastening the harness that tightly cinched his shirt. ‘So, he does rebel against Yoon Jihyuk too. Their relationship was slowly becoming clear.’

“Hyung! We have a company dinner today, what are you going to do with your hair like that?”

Lee Seon hopped around the waiting room, frantically searching for a comb. He then approached Han Doyoung, intending to comb his hair. Han Doyoung, despite his annoyed expression, didn’t push Lee Seon away, perhaps agreeing that his hair was indeed in a severe state.

However, hair that had been heavily sprayed and styled could not possibly be fixed with a comb. Strands of his bright red dyed hair snapped off and fluttered to the ground. The comb must have been constantly snagging, yet Lee Seon seemed to believe he could somehow manage it. He continued to comb without stopping, his face showing stubborn determination, until he was finally restrained by Han Doyoung.

“Are you going to stop only after you’ve pulled out all my hair?”

Watching Han Doyoung speak through clenched teeth, I couldn’t help but let out a few chuckles. Han Doyoung seemed to be as strong as Choi Seung-beom, for Lee Seon couldn’t twist free from his gripped wrist no matter how much he struggled.

“Aargh! I surrender! I surrender!”

Han Doyoung finally released Lee Seon, who was rolling his eyes and screaming, after a long moment. The bright red handprint left behind was quite striking.

“Wow, that’s going to bruise.”

‘Then how would he cover his wrist?’ As if knowing I was lost in frivolous thoughts, Choi Seung-beom sighed deeply and nudged my back toward the dressing room.

“Go change your clothes.”

Since he even handed me my casual clothes, I couldn’t dawdle to watch the amusing spectacle any longer.