Subtitle: Do You Press Dogs?
Upon being swallowed, Qiweiya didn’t experience the tentacle feasts, the slimy hell, or any of the extreme, heavy-flavored sensations she had imagined.
Instead, a comfortable sensation washed over her, akin to returning to the very womb of life.
‘Am I broken?’ she wondered. ‘To feel comfort while being moved by a massive, bloody mass of flesh? It’s utterly absurd…’
Qiweiya attempted to struggle, yet she found the fleshy walls to be impossibly solid. Even with her full strength, she couldn’t break free.
As she struggled, Qiweiya was unknowingly moved into a colossal space. Dark red, fleshy walls pulsed with a strange, rhythmic motion.
Once she was finally squeezed out, Qiweiya discovered she was no longer bound. She stretched her limbs with a relaxed ease, though her guard remained firmly in place.
Ever since arriving in this world, her luck had plummeted to an abysmal ‘E’ rank. To say she wasn’t annoyed would be a blatant lie.
Indeed, she would be delighted to beat the world consciousness senseless, if only that damned entity possessed a physical form!
‘What grudge, what animosity does this infant-like world consciousness hold against me?’ she fumed. ‘It constantly targets me. Did I seduce your father? Kidnap your mother? Or perhaps steal your very essence? Why torment me like this? This is utterly baseless suffering!’
Qiweiya’s expression grew peculiar as she gazed at the twisted, crimson orb of light floating above. From this spherical soul, she perceived a faint sense of kinship.
‘So, all that time I was being hammered like a whack-a-mole… was it all just a physical manifestation of “spanking is affection, scolding is love”?’ she mused.
“Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!”
To Qiweiya’s utterly dumbfounded expression, the spherical orb suddenly sprouted several tentacles. Yes, you read that correctly: tentacles.
“Stop, stop, stop!” she cried out. “I’m not interested in a tentacle romance! Your love is too much for me to bear! Yes, yes, yes! Don’t come any closer! Let’s talk this out like civilized beings; no touching!”
The tentacles actually halted before Qiweiya, hovering and twitching with an agitated urgency. Qiweiya’s face contorted as if she were constipated.
‘While it’s true I used to enjoy reading tentacle manga when I was a man… if *I* become the protagonist, then no thanks! Hehe, please spare me!’
A vulnerability! The tentacles instantly coiled around Qiweiya, binding her in a flash. Qiweiya felt as though she was about to break.
She felt like a ticking bomb, ready to detonat. If not for Lysander battling fiercely outside, she would have self-destructed without a second thought, opting for a temporary slumber to preserve her ‘chastity.’
‘What? My integrity? What the hell is that? Do I even possess such a thing?’
Under Qiweiya’s exasperated gaze, one particular tentacle continuously shifted its tip, eventually morphing into the shape of a drill.
Qiweiya was on the verge of tears. “Big brother! Let’s negotiate. Look, I’ve played ‘eagle catches the… bah! I mean, whack-a-mole’ with you for so long. Can you please put that… that *large and capable* thing away? I admit, I can’t handle it…”
Seeing the tentacle still waver, Qiweiya offered, “How about this? Could you consider a smaller size?”
“Change? Change for a smaller one? This one is perfect! It’ll pleasure you to death!”
The tentacle plunged directly into Qiweiya’s forehead.
Qiweiya’s eyes rolled back, then closed, and she fell silent. Oh, she had forgotten to mention that if a slight tremor counted…
****
‘It felt as though I had opened the gates to a new world.’
“Wah! Wah! Wah! Don’t come near me! I don’t want to be the protagonist of some hentai! Please let me go!”
Qiweiya scrambled up, frantically slapping at her own body as if trying to beat away some filthy, unbearable thing, to purge it completely.
The Youth standing before Qiweiya watched her frantic, monkey-like movements and let out a sigh of relief.
“Seeing that you, my lord, are unharmed, I can finally rest easy.”
Only then did Qiweiya notice someone else was present. She shot forward at two hundred miles an hour, grabbing the Youth by his collar and shaking him vigorously.
“God-damned ‘nothing happened’?! Do you have any idea how terrifying tentacles are to a maiden—bah!—to the innocent heart of a loli? Right now, all I want to say is ‘Screw your perverted tentacles!’ From now on, don’t let me see any squids or anything that even *looks* like a tentacle! Otherwise, I’ll commit a humane extermination, motherf*cker!”
The Youth awkwardly cleared his throat twice. “Um, my lord just mentioned being civilized earlier. Isn’t there a saying: ‘Speak of the chicken, but not the rod; civility for you, me, and all’?”
“Thump!”
The Youth was instantly flung to the ground by Qiweiya. “To hell with your civility! I’ll speak of the chicken *and* the rod! Civility can go screw itself!”
With that, she hauled the Youth up again, her face menacing. “Honestly, where are we? And those tentacles? Was I rescued by you?”
The Youth’s expression was peculiar. “My lord, have you not realized yet?”
Qiweiya looked utterly bewildered. “Realized what?”
“You have ascended to the heavens~”
Qiweiya raised a brow. “Heh, are you implying you’re God? Here to personally escort me? God, do you press dogs?”
The Youth felt his brain short-circuiting. “I am not God… and I don’t press dogs!”
“Plop!”
Qiweiya released him, casually picked at her ear, and whistled. “If you’re not God, why are you acting all high and mighty? Let me tell you, even that old bastard Creator God calls me ‘Grandpa’!
“Your grandpa—”
“What did you say? Try saying it again.” Qiweiya pressed her forehead against his, her expression radiating murderous intent.
“Cough, cough, cough! Naraku, my lord, please stop playing… I am your subordinate! Do you truly not recognize me?”
Qiweiya scrutinized the handsome face before her, a face that stirred envy, jealousy, and even a touch of hatred within her.
‘I once had such a good face too, but I didn’t appreciate it enough. If only…’
‘Hey, hey! Getting off-topic, getting off-topic!’
“I don’t recall being called Naraku, and none of my subordinates are this ugly.”
The Youth looked somewhat dejected. “My lord, have you truly forgotten the people of Naraku? Your loyal and devout followers! I am Nais Kohler, your Legion Commander! Your most beloved worshipper!”
Qiweiya pouted. “God-damned Legion Commander! And when did I ever ‘love’ you? My affection for you is clearly in the negatives! Don’t twist the truth!”
Nais could hardly believe it. “What’s going on? Your aura, from inside out, is exactly the same… and your behavior and habits too! Why do you refuse to acknowledge yourself?”
Qiweiya felt utterly baffled. “I’ve already told you, my name is Qiweiya, not Naraku. You might have mistaken me for someone else, but don’t lose heart.”
She patted his shoulder. “A bright future awaits you! Go forth and pursue it, Youth!” She gave him a thumbs-up.
Nais seemed to confirm something for himself. “No! You must be Naraku, my lord! Otherwise, your behavior and temperament couldn’t be so natural. It seems something must have happened to you, causing you to forget us, to forget the people who guard you.
“I will make you remember everything! Even if I cannot accompany you by your side in the future, the fervent wish of all of us cannot simply be dismissed!”
Qiweiya felt genuinely infuriated. “Hey! How did I end up with such an unreasonable person? Let me tell you, even if you shook the heavens, you couldn’t change the fact that I am Qiweiya!”
The Youth leaned in, gently caressing Qiweiya’s cheek. “My lord, no more words! I love you!”
Just as Qiweiya was about to kick him, “Mmm? Mmm-mmm-mmm!!”
‘Holy crap, holy crap! My first kiss! You’re dead, you’re dead! Wait! This…’
Nais watched Qiweiya stand motionless, eyes closed, and gently stroked her ivory-white hair. “Naraku, my lord, though I cannot remain by your side to help you reclaim your throne as the First God, I fear… the blood feud between the gods and us can only truly be borne by you in our stead! May Naraku never fall! Naraku eternal!”
Nais then dissolved into a shimmering light and vanished.
“I hope my lord will appreciate the gift left by the people of Naraku.”