The Weight of the World and a Pure Heart

“……I apologize.” Anto listened to Ilivy’s recounting. He offered no further gestures of comfort, for he found himself speechless, unsure what words could possibly soothe such a wounded heart. Any consolation felt utterly pale in the face of what she had endured. So, at that moment, only one phrase escaped his lips, an apology for having inadvertently brought her deepest scars to the surface.

“I don’t mean to blame you, Lord Anto,” Ilivy replied. “It’s just… it’s alright. It’s only natural that you would want to know these things, Lord Anto, and I would have had to tell you someday anyway.”

“Aren’t you afraid that I… might truly be unable to live up to such expectations?” Anto suddenly asked, looking up. “I just feel… it’s a heavy burden indeed.”

“……”

“The more one understands this world, the heavier it feels,” the young man sighed, then lay back on the blanket. “I haven’t even left the kingdom, still living in the borderlands, yet I’ve witnessed so much here. When I left the village, I still had some ambition, but the more I glimpse even a fraction of what lies beneath, the heavier it feels.” When he had left the village, Hillevi, in her dying moments, had told him he could face this world alone. Only now, truly confronting it all, did he feel its immense weight. The relationship between the Papacy and the populace, the changing times, the true intentions of other factions, and the Demon King’s army, ever poised to shatter their fragile peace…

All of this left a complex impression on the young man. In contrast, his former life, simply clearing and purifying monsters on the outskirts of a border village, seemed so straightforward.

“They all say the Holy Flame is a power that can save everything,” Anto murmured, gazing up at the tent’s ceiling.

“Everyone believes it, ancient texts say it, those who’ve faced it say it… but how can it be an omnipotent power? Can it save everyone? If it could, I should have done so long ago… This power, in truth, changes nothing, because what truly changes everything is never the light, but people. Only human kindness can feed the hungry, only human actions can ensure comfortable lives… This power, by comparison, is in some ways truly helpless and superfluous.”

“Lord Anto?”

“People always place their expectations on others; sometimes they don’t even need others, they can create one themselves. The Holy Flame itself holds no inherent meaning, but people’s expectations imbue the light with significance.” Anto rose, raising a hand as he spoke.

“As for how to act, it still depends on people, Knight. After hearing your account, I must now go and make contact with them. Those faithless people who bear the Black Cross.”

“My lord, that is very dangerous.”

“Is that so? But if I don’t go, you’ll be in even greater danger,” Anto suddenly declared. “For you to continue atoning for sins that aren’t yours, that in itself is already foolish.”

“Hm?”

“For every wrong, there is a perpetrator; for every debt, there is an owner. The ones responsible for all this are neither the Knights nor the monks. Soldiers fought under orders, yet those who orchestrated this tragedy have not paid the price. Instead, you, who barely escaped with your lives, are forced to bear the burden? Isn’t that utterly ridiculous? And what’s even more absurd is that everyone—they, the populace, even you—are accepting this outcome. No one, not a single soul, is refuting any of it.”

“……” Ilivy watched the person before her. Anto suddenly leaned closer, a rare sight; it was one of the few times someone with such an angelic appearance had displayed such clear anger.

“Just because everyone thinks this way, does that make it right? Just because anger and sorrow have spread, does that mean such malice should be accepted? Please, that’s not what virtue is. Passively accepting injustice doesn’t mean those who are bullied can’t speak up. Unreasonable things don’t change their nature because of justifications. The ones who should bear all this are not you.”

“All of this demands an explanation and a proper solution, otherwise it will fester like any past tragedy, a rotten ledger buried in the earth, creating an inexplicable mess forever. I, at the very least, must prevent such problems from occurring.” As Anto finished, Ilivy looked at the young man before her. He might possess a face as beautiful as an angel’s, yet he carried a human soul. In conversation with him, one could feel that this wasn’t a power bestowed by the Holy Light; it was a strength that belonged to him as a person, as Anto himself. The young man’s gem-like eyes held an extreme resolve, a power so profound it made one forget his appearance and feel the true strength that emanated from Anto.

“My lord,” Ilivy said, bowing deeply. “Thank you… thank you for your resolve, for your willingness to save us. To save us, burdened by sin. It is my greatest honor to follow by your side.”

“Ah, not again! Please don’t kneel, the space is already small,” Anto quickly interjected. “Anyway… anyway! Our late-night talk ends tonight. We’ve learned a bit about each other, and that’s enough… Now, let’s sleep. We have to travel tomorrow.” Saying this, Anto finally unfastened the outer layer of his nun’s habit, revealing the shirt beneath. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.

“Good night.”

“……Then, Lord Anto, I’ll go keep watch outside,” Ilivy said. Anto, with his eyes still closed, responded with a hum.

“You should rest a bit too. You’ve been on alert all day; are you really going to stay up all night again? If danger truly arises, what kind of exhausted body do you plan to drag around to fulfill your vow of protecting me?”

“……” Ilivy listened, and her petite, blonde figure instinctively shifted, then turned to lean against the edge of the blanket.

“I said we’re sharing a tent. If they found out I was alone at night, without a doubt, Sister Lu Wei would find a way to sneak in… so, I just… ah…” As the words reached his lips, he suddenly found himself unable to continue. Though he possessed the appearance of a young girl, his heart held a resilience and maturity few could match. Yet, Anto himself was indeed a pure-hearted youth. Such things, no matter how much one feigned maturity, simply wouldn’t change.

“Understood, Lord Anto.” Ilivy nodded upon hearing this, then naturally lay down in the space Anto had left. Anto’s back was turned to her, and he felt the presence of someone resting beside him. He had rarely, if ever, shared a bed with another person. Though he had once, as a child, spent an entire night in a hay pile in a thatched stable with Old Eric after being pranked and made drunk, this situation felt… different.

“My lord, do you feel I’m taking up too much space? Should I…”

“No! Just lie down over there, that’s fine!” the figure with his back turned quickly said. “I’m perfectly fine here! Really, just… just lie like that! No problem!” Facing the figure beside her, whose back was turned, and hearing the slight panic in his voice, Ilivy paused, then a faint smile touched her lips. It seemed that besides Anto’s resolute side and his pure, dignified side as a nun, today she had witnessed another, very special and endearing aspect of him.