Chapter 8: Echoes of Mockery

“Did you get home safely?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, I’m glad. If you need anything, contact me again.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll come by again next week, so see you then!”

“Thank you, see you then.”

“Phew…”

I tossed my phone onto the bedside table and glanced around the room.

Next to my phone were the band and ointment that Song Chae-hyun bought for me while seeing me home.

And as I looked around, I saw my room, which had been cleaned up by Song Chae-hyun, now the complete opposite of how it was yesterday.

She even went so far as to teach me how to use sanitary pads and bought the band and ointment for me, then gave me her phone number and KakaoTalk ID.

Afterward, she left, worried about leaving me alone in the room, and after hesitating for a moment, she told me to contact her if I was having a hard time and then walked away with heavy footsteps.

She’s still so kind.

Even after becoming an adult.

What is the root of that divergence?

Is it her nature?

Or perhaps the difference in experiences she hasn’t had?

Lost in such thoughts, my eyes fell on the turned-off computer.

That made my heart feel a little colder.

When I returned after Song Chae-hyun left yesterday, the broadcast was still on.

The headset had been unplugged during the evening, so she wouldn’t have heard any sounds after she came in.

So, the doubts would naturally arise.

As soon as I got back, I turned off the broadcast without saying a word.

The chat room was filled with mockery and ridicule.

Seeing that hell, I impulsively shut off the broadcast with my cold hands.

I can understand their perspective.

Hearing the door lock sound, then the sounds of confusion, followed by silence, and then the broadcast going off hours later.

If it were the situation of a female broadcaster, it would lead to various imaginations.

Everyone must be suspecting me.

That’s why I’m afraid to turn on the computer.

Honestly, I feel pathetic about myself.

Originally, I used to think that causing a stir online meant that the insults I received were just as valid as the ones I threw out.

I’d want to curse, and they’d want to curse back, so it was a fair trade, I thought.

I know it’s nonsense.

But thinking about getting insulted in a place where my voice and appearance are somewhat known makes me a little… no, a lot afraid.

“…Phew…”

Honestly, I find myself disgusting.

When I compare my online behavior, even a kindergarten child would find it contradictory.

What can I do?

I am inherently trash and a pathetic person.

I’m someone who deserves to be scorned, and I’m the filth that belongs in the gutter.

So.

So, it doesn’t matter if I live like this!

Someday, if I get tattoos, smoke a few cigarettes, and roll around on the streets, who could throw stones at me?

If people deem me impossible to reform, they’ll naturally stop caring.

That was what I wanted.

Living with such thoughts makes it comfortable.

I’m trash, so it’s okay to live like trash.

So, see me as trash.

Where should I get my first tattoo?

On my shoulder?

Right above my tailbone?

Or maybe on my lower abdomen?

But thinking like that, Song Chae-hyun, who treated me well without any familiarity, suddenly came to mind.

Me, living in the gutter, and someone trying to help me.

If I can’t behave properly and end up being a nuisance everywhere, I would be tarnishing her.

I couldn’t stand that kind of scenario.

“F*ck.”

As I thought that, my head started to feel hotter.

Ah, this is really annoying.

This is exactly why I cut ties with everyone I knew.

They barged into my heart without permission.

And now I have to push them away again.

I picked up my phone again.

I opened KakaoTalk and pressed on Song Chae-hyun’s profile.

There, I saw Song Chae-hyun hugging all five of her younger siblings affectionately.

My hand reached for the block button.

No, let’s stop.

If she finds out she’s been blocked and comes to knock or rings the doorbell…

I might really faint then.

I don’t want to believe there could be another reason.

With a weight pressing down on me like a thousand pounds, I forced myself to get up.

It’s about time to turn on the broadcast.

Everyone must be waiting to insult me.

Even the kind people I occasionally saw would probably throw stones at me in disappointment.

I was prepared to face all the bullets head-on.

Alright.

It’s time to fall back into the beloved gutter.

I stared blankly at the rapidly rising chat window.

“Were you feeling good? ㅋㅋ”

“Want to have a messy match?”

“Are you having a happy time with your boyfriend? ㅋㅋ”

I took a deep breath.

“Hey, a classmate came by.”

“Seriously? ㅋㅋ”

“A guy? A guy?”

Suddenly, what’s with this classmate?

My heart started to race irregularly.

I began to fear looking at the chat window.

“He said he was worried about you.”

“Well, you do look pretty unstable.”

“Maybe you should go out a bit.”

“So, is it a guy?”

“Is it a guy?”

Ugh, those guys say they have no ulterior motives, but they’re being so clingy. What are they going to do about it?

“Is it a guy or not?” ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I know.

Among those claiming my purity, many would be joking around.

And aside from that, there would be few who genuinely wish for my purity.

The latter simply wants to see my value of purity diminish.

They hope I remain in a lower position than they are.

But the scariest part is…

What if someone who thought well of me gets disappointed because they think I’m not pure?

I dread being hated while willingly embracing it.

That disgusting contradiction.

My vision began to blur.

Yet, I could still see the countless messages rapidly updating in the chat.

I grew increasingly afraid to see them.

Surely, it would just be filled with mockery and ridicule.

Even the good people would be showing their thorns toward me.

My body began to tremble, starting with my heart.

“I’m not a guy. I’m really a virgin.”

The chat window is no longer visible.

But it’s the same as if I could see it.

“I always wanted this.”

“It’s time to fall into the gutter now.”

I clutched my constricting, trembling vocal cords and squeezed out the words.

“I… I’m going to broadcast now. So… um… please stop cursing. Stop the sexual harassment.”

I was terrified of what would happen if I fell after climbing to a higher place.

So it’s much better to fall now.

With that thought, I wiped my tears with my sleeve and looked at the chat window.

“Bluz has donated 10,000 won.”

“Just breathe, okay?”

“Ugh, I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

“If that happens, you’re really gone.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to hear that.”

“No, I’m just kidding. Don’t cry.”

“Don’t squeeze out your juice, you b*tch. I want to choke you.”

“You’re breaking my heart. ᄉᄇ.”

“Why are you being so pitiful? ㅠ”

I noticed that there were more supportive comments than I expected.

I was momentarily speechless at that cognitive dissonance.

“Why isn’t anyone saying anything?”

I blinked.

If I talk like this while shaking,

“There are a lot of delusional people. ㅋㅋ”

“Do we really look that malicious?”

Most of the talk about whether I was a virgin or not was just a joke.

“Legendary, really. The Virgin’s Victory.”

“I’m sorry; it was just a joke with my boyfriend, and I didn’t think it would cause such a reaction.”

“I can tell you’re a complete idiot. You can’t lie about that.”

There were many who claimed my lies, but some believed me and even expressed their concern.

The words were a bit harsh, though.

And there were also people apologizing, saying it was just a joke.

“Hey, it’s nice to see some decent reactions. I feel a bit better.”

I thought everyone would hate me and insult me.

Although my heart still ached from all the curses, feeling a bit better from the worst situation to a lesser evil gave me a sense of relief.

But my emotions truly felt like a rubber band.

For some reason, I let out a laugh.

“Ugh, hehe.”

I felt foolish for having been in so much pain alone.

“Haha!”

??

“Why am I suddenly laughing?”

“Wow, I usually don’t say stuff like this, but I really feel like I have bipolar disorder.”

“Crazy b*tch…”

“It’s even funnier how you’re looking down on me, so I couldn’t stop laughing for a while.”

“Do I want the gutter, or do I want salvation?”

Still, I wanted to say it’s the former.

The broadcast ended without any incidents.

There were still supporters and comments from those desiring my downfall, but there were also comments defending me.

I felt happy about something.

Scared, but happy.

I held onto a feeling of rebirth.

I turned off the broadcast.

And then I entered Discord.

To check public opinion and enforce justice.

“ᄋᄋ (118.211) Views: 1030 Comments: 213”

“So, is that a non-virgin beauty? >>>>>>>> Is that a girl classmate, or is she really your boyfriend?”

“I was so surprised when I heard the doorbell that it’s hard to say it’s my boyfriend.”

“But calling them just a classmate… hmmm…”

Recommended Count: 83 | Disliked Count: 44

oo(111.117): Come on, you have to believe me to some extent. It’s only been a little while since the broadcast started, and you can see how much you guys have been criticizing me that I’m showing signs of a panic attack.

ᄂᄋᄋ(223.222): ᄅᄋ ᄏᄏ These bastards claim to be nice but are pure evil. There’s a reason why those doing the Bell broadcast are avoiding this place.

ᄂᄋBut that cute girl seems a bit mentally unstable too. Is it really worth hating her to that extent?

ᄋ(118.232): If hundreds or thousands are joining together to call her a rag, wouldn’t she be the crazy one if she didn’t lose her mind?

ᄋ(213.133): If she were normal, would she hang out with you idiots? Of course, she’s mentally unstable.

ᄋ(113.333): ᄂᄅᄋ; Didn’t you see her at the end of the broadcast? She was crying by herself and then suddenly laughing; it was really scary.

ᄋ(223.233): ᄂᄋᄋ(111.112): ᄂ That was ᄅᄋ Legendary, for sure. ᄏᄏ She was really in a mood.

The view count was low, probably because it had just been posted.

But the comment count was exploding.

Most of the comments were about believing what I said.

A small smile formed on my lips.

I shouldn’t feel this way, but I slowly started to feel a sense of gratitude.

However, among the occasional negative comments, one comment with the most replies caught my eye.

ᄋᄋ(112.114): Can’t you tell just from her voice? Those fckers are such idiots… You can clearly see she’s a total slt. I’ve met a lot of girls… You can just tell she’s a total loser. That sounds like someone who’s sucked dozens of d*cks.

ᄂᄋᄋ(113.232): This might just be a sh*t theory, but I think I get what you’re saying. ᄏᄏ

No, ᄋᄌ ᄏᄏ It’s just… something… something dirty… ᄋ(233.233)

“These f*ckers…”
The second or third comment, along with the following consensus comments… disregarding those, the first comment irritated me the most.
…
I told them not to sexually harass me.

The first comment: something about “it’s obvious” or “clearly a slt.” That fcking theory…

The words like “physiognomy,” I knew it, those nonsense terms were just being chanted by those pseudo-scientific idiots.

But why do I keep getting treated like I’m not a virgin?

Even before what happened yesterday, I was still teased about being a non-virgin.

Why has my nickname become “the non-virgin beauty”?

As I pondered this question for a moment, I returned to what I originally intended to do.

First, don’t forget to log out.

ᄂᄋᄋ(119.113): You f*cking idiots with your physiognomy, you show up every day. ᄏᄏ

Done.

ᄂᄋᄋ(223.111): Why is this guy suddenly going off?
Could it be the non-virgin beauty’s boyfriend? ᄏᄏ ᄋ(233.222)

Huh! ᄏᄏ ᄋ(223.138)
ᄂᄋ
Huh! ᄏᄏᄏ ᄋ(115.133)

The comments flooded in an instant. But I really didn’t like the mocking tone.

“F*cking bastards…”
If I don’t take action against these idiots, they’ll be causing chaos everywhere.

I have to stop that.

Therefore, what I’m doing now is an act of seeking justice.

ᄂᄋᄋ(119.113): You f*cking social outcast idiots. ᄏᄏ You guys are what’s making society sick. ᄏᄏ You never go outside and ᄏ
You fill your self-esteem and social skills in DC. ᄏᄏ Just live here forever, sucking on others’ d*cks. ᄏ ᄋ(119.113):

ᄂᄋᄋ(119.113): Go ask your dad for some pocket money and try going outside once in a while. ᄏᄏ You good-for-nothing bastard. ᄏᄏ

They say that when someone insults another person, they often project their own complexes onto them.

I want to believe that it’s not true.

While I was furiously typing comments, The flood of comment notifications suddenly scared me, and I turned off my computer.

I used to think it was okay to keep going for as long as I wanted, that after a few hours, the opponent would get tired and leave, and that would be victory.

But these days, I turn it off early. That doesn’t mean I hate chaos.

Anyway, after somewhat achieving my own sense of justice, I turned off the lights and lay down on my bed with a relieved heart.

Habitually, I picked up my phone, and there was a notification waiting for me.

Missed Call – 1
I thought it was just a regular spam call and was about to ignore it when I noticed a message from the same phone number.
Without thinking, I opened it.

010-3X42-49X0
Due to the charge of using communication media for lewd purposes, please report to the Nam police station at the date and time listed below.
Officer Lee Yong-seok

“What?”