The Exploding Kitchen and a Peculiar Proposition

When Rhine, his face as dark as turbulent waters, arrived at the kitchen, he saw a furtive figure already lurking outside. It was another fourteen-year-old boy with pearl-gray hair, his appearance unmistakably betraying his direct lineage to the Cavendish family.

‘I’ve learned a bit these past few days: besides the already-adult Chris, the only other boy in the Duke’s household is Daniel, the son of the petty second master.’

Rhine, hidden in the corridor’s corner, felt a flush of embarrassment as he watched Daniel furtively peeking into the kitchen.

‘He’s actually quite handsome, a young boy on a different path than mine… Wait, isn’t that comparison a bit superfluous?’

Daniel possessed a somewhat austere demeanor; the sharp, unapproachable impression often given by the corners of his eyes was reportedly inherited from his father. Yet, witnessing this scene, Rhine couldn’t help but wonder if this second son was secretly a repressed type.

‘However… I imagine the contrast between his austere temperament and his pathetic appearance would be absolutely perfect when I tease him.’

“Hey, don’t block the way! What are you looking at? What’s so interesting in there—”

BOOM!!

A deafening explosion erupted from the kitchen, akin to a bolt from the clear blue sky, instantly making Daniel retract his neck like a timid ostrich. Fortunately, the kitchen had excellent sound insulation; otherwise, half the Duke’s mansion would have been in an uproar.

‘…The pot must have exploded, right? It must have exploded! Or is someone researching some massive explosive weapon?’

Analyzing the situation, Rhine realized no one else in the Duke’s mansion had detected the sound, presenting him with an opportune moment to investigate the scene firsthand. While kidnapping was an option, as a Seven-Ring Sorcerer, Rhine disdained such underhanded tactics. Moreover, the spoiled brats of noble families were prime targets for kidnapping rings. This traditional industry, a fertile ground for such endeavors, had long been thoroughly cultivated by numerous experts, making it fiercely competitive. It was highly unlikely the Duke’s family lacked professional experience in handling similar incidents.

‘Do you really think the knight order stationed at their doorstep is just for show?’

Acting decisively, Rhine, like a valiant firefighter, bypassed Daniel and charged inside.

“You stop right there! I should be the first to see my sister! I was here first!”

Daniel, belatedly realizing what was happening, furiously followed in Rhine’s wake.

‘Oh, I forgot about someone else.’

[Stupefy]

With a flick of his thought, a white magical incantation instantly shot forth, striking the second son directly on the crown of his head.

‘Kid, just pretend you fainted from fright.’

As expected, Audrey was inside. Opportunities for a private meeting were rare, so he decided to use a persuasive tactic Anjemuel had taught him to threaten her into not writing her book—

‘My Lady, you wouldn’t want your disheveled appearance after blowing up the kitchen to be witnessed by the entire ducal territory, would you…?’

‘Still, the black smoke here is too thick, and the smell is far from pleasant. I can’t see anything clearly. What on earth did that girl tinker with to make such a mess? Let me use detection magic to check…’

“Hah!”

At that moment, the sticky bottom of a frying pan hurtled directly towards Rhine’s half-bewildered face.

Wham!!

His vision went black, and his consciousness immediately disconnected.

A demon from the smoke peered out.

“I’m utterly mortified! No one must ever see me like this!”

A flustered Audrey, dressed in a chef’s apron, gracefully emerged from the smoke, wisps of black vapor still clinging to her. Her cheeks were streaked with the pale blue blood of crayfish, making her appear even more terrifying than the demons depicted in religious texts.

She held the frying pan and murmured to herself in confusion.

“Where did I go wrong? I followed Rhine’s instructions precisely, but it seems man proposes, God disposes. I’ll just have to drag him back later and ask.”

“First, let me see which little brat dared to barge in without permission—ah.”

Audrey’s small hand loosened its grip, and the frying pan plummeted, striking Rhine’s back of the head with a crisp thud. Numerous headless, sticky crayfish bodies spilled out, wriggling amidst the young boy’s smooth hair.

“…My condolences. I’ll make arrangements for your funeral.”

“Funeral my foot! You clumsy, foolish mortal!”

Rhine abruptly sprang up from the kitchen floor, his resistance to dizziness far surpassing that of ordinary people, allowing him to re-enter the fray with lightning speed even after losing consciousness.

“Oh, you’re not dead. That makes things difficult.”

‘So you’re saying it would be easier if I were dead?!’

“I’m warning you, you little tyrant… Hold on, ahaha~ Please put down that frying pan, let’s talk properly. Let’s not hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Rhine offered a string of awkward laughs, trying to placate the young lady whose smile bloomed like a flower as she clutched the frying pan.

A wise man knows when to yield. He had already witnessed Audrey’s resistance to hypnotic magic, and with his soul’s wounds not yet fully healed, he could currently only employ minor spells that influenced the mind.

To put it plainly, he couldn’t physically overpower the lawless young lady before him.

‘Swordsmanship, you ask? I know a little, but not much. As for powerful melee weapons, Rhine had a sneaking suspicion Audrey’s frying pan could rival any of them.’

“I have a proposal for a peaceful resolution.” Audrey edged towards the kitchen doorway, and with a gentle kick of her heel, the door of hope swung shut.

‘Cutting off my escape first, and you call this a peaceful resolution? This is blatant blackmail!’

Wiping residual juice from her spectacles, she gestured towards the kitchen’s sole table, directing Rhine’s attention.

“Rhine, sit.”

His face grim, he stiffly took a seat at the dining table.

“Be a good boy, dear. Your sister wouldn’t hurt you~”

‘I’d believe a ghost before I believe you!’

Then, Rhine watched as Audrey, a sweet smile gracing her lips, presented him with a plate containing a dark, gelatinous, unidentifiable shelled creature.

“You call this…”

“These are crayfish, you know.”

“No, what I mean is, how did you manage to make them look like this…”

“These are crayfish, you know~”

“Such a precious dish should naturally be tasted by Your Ladyship first; I am but a mere servant. I’ll be taking my leave now, haha~”

“No, you can’t leave.”

Audrey, still wearing her devilish smile, pressed down on his shoulders, pinning him immovably to the chair.

Her lips were pressed together, yet her tone lacked the expected firmness; a barely perceptible hint of plea lay hidden within:

“Please, enjoy. Don’t mind how… unique the dish looks; I really just hoped someone could give me some feedback on the taste.”

‘Unique? This is clearly chaos!’

“You could easily call in a professional gourmet. You’re the Duke’s daughter, after all.”

“…I don’t want to do that. Besides, aren’t you the professional?”

He was utterly speechless.

Rhine gazed at the wisps of white steam rising from the plate, which he imagined were clearly the wailing souls of the crayfish.

‘Fine, it’s just a failed dish made by the young lady, isn’t it? I’ll eat it then.’

He recalled how, whenever he painstakingly concocted new dishes with varied flair in the tower, he always wished someone else could taste them, even if only to offer a simple critique, so he could happily persevere.

‘Ah, what meaning does perseverance hold if it yields no results and receives no recognition?’

Although Audrey was using coercive methods, she was likely harboring similar expectations deep down, hoping even for a fair, negative review.

‘After all, among the countless gourmets in the world, only the great Mr. Green would deign to fulfill her small wish when faced with this culinary abomination.’

“Let me wash my hands.”

“You agree?”

“Isn’t washing hands before a meal common sense? Would you really sit down at the table all grubby?”

…

Under Audrey’s expectant gaze, Rhine picked up an unrecognizable mass of black, shell-like paste.

“The heat was too high; the shells are completely charred and cracked, making them inconvenient to peel.”

He silently and patiently peeled the shells, then dropped the shrimp meat into his mouth.

…

“How is it?”

“It’s not poisonous.”

“Of course I know it’s not poisonous; I already tasted it myself while it was still in the pot.”

“How could you eat it when it’s not fully cooked? What were you thinking?”

“I’ve watched those master chefs cook; don’t they always taste the food just before serving?”

“And you call yourself a master chef? It’s horribly salty, completely lacking the tenderness of crayfish meat. I don’t know what kind of stuff is clinging to my teeth. Did you add some sort of sauce when you made it? And…”

Upholding the principle of not wasting food, Rhine finished the entire plate of crayfish, all while grumbling.

‘You ask how I could eat it all? If your three meals a day once consisted solely of black bread mixed with sawdust, I believe anyone could stomach it.’

“Next time, remember, absolutely do not add too much salt. If you think you’ve added too much, you can try to salvage it by mixing in some sugar. Audrey, did you hear—me?”

Rhine turned to look, only to find Audrey had, at some point, removed her glasses and was diligently jotting notes in a small notebook.

The girl’s gaze was serious and focused, like the first stars of spring visiting a university library, or the sudden specks of dawn light filtering through Venetian blinds onto a teak floor.

Long eyelashes, tinged with a slight melancholy, framed her beautiful, soft eyes, resembling the most ornate buttresses of a grand cathedral.

Yet these were mere embellishments, adornments of an ethereal beauty that the mortal world should not possess.

At that very moment, the girl’s eyes met his, and Rhine’s dazed, captivated face became fixed in her momentary gaze.

‘7: If the young lady, having removed her glasses, stares at you intently, do not meet her gaze.’

‘What… was that?’

Rhine knew it intimately, just as he had gazed steadfastly from his isolated perch atop the Babel Tower for ten years—

The starry sky. The magnificent starry sky. The deep blue starry sky.

This was not a mere resemblance; a million star seas could not possibly fit within the confines of a single eye.

Rather, it was a more fundamental congruence, a deeper yearning—clear, imbued with a half-hazy lunar glow, perfectly mirroring her eyes.

Lapis lazuli glittered, yet Rhine heard the wind at the tower’s peak and smelled the azure solitude beneath the galaxy. She said nothing, yet seemed to question Rhine’s very persistence.

‘A gaze from billions of light-years away, spanning countless dimensions!’

Unaware of his own actions, he trembled and spoke involuntarily:

“You, today… no, the day after tomorrow? Still not right. Next week… next Friday, yes, the weather will be perfect that evening. Could you come to my room?”

‘What am I even saying?!!!’

“Of course~”

Audrey replied without the slightest hesitation.

“Consider it my thanks for your feedback on ‘Crayfish Cooking Methods.’ I’m very good at keeping accounts straight.”

“Then… it’s settled. You must, absolutely must come…”

“Alright, I’ll be there. It’s a promise.” Only then did Audrey truly act like an elder sister, placidly comforting the blushing, ripe-faced young Rhine.

‘Ugh—’

‘No, you have to pull yourself together! How can the great Mr. Green lose the upper hand in a negotiation?’

“Wait, you said you’re good at keeping accounts straight?”

“That’s right.”

“Then what about that whack you gave me with the pan when I entered?”

“Ahem~ That was solely the young lady’s personal discretion. A lady’s kitchen isn’t a place one can simply waltz into.”

Audrey’s pretty face flushed faintly as she turned away, raising an index finger in a forced attempt to conceal her embarrassment and justify herself.

‘What kind of lady would almost… no, not almost, what kind of lady would blow up a kitchen?!’

After much wrangling and establishing a mutual pact of secrecy, the two had barely stepped out of the kitchen when they stumbled upon an unconscious Daniel.

“Hmm, do you have any idea why he’s lying here?”

“He was already lying here when I came in.”

Rhine shrugged; he wasn’t lying.

‘As an evil Archmage, it seems today was yet another day of not doing anything proper…’

In the end, distracted by their peculiar encounter, Rhine failed in his mission. Audrey’s cookbook was published.