Come on, the villain who looks like your uncle

“How did you…”

The interviewing priest’s face turned deathly pale, nearly collapsing from shock at my words!

He barely managed to swallow back the phrase: “How do you know that?”

“You… What nonsense are you spouting now?!”

“Well, since Lord Longtaoer can jump in and answer, why can’t I?”

I chuckled lightly, gazing at the fat, guilty-looking priest whose face was now drenched in sweat.

As Oujilide, who crossed over into this world, my only barely usable “golden finger” was this: I know the script.

Even though, with my pitiful strength, knowing the script doesn’t help much in a real fight…

As long as things stay at the level of “verbal sparring instead of actual fighting,” I don’t have much to fear.

Not only do I know the general plot, but if I actively read the “script,” I can even know what color underwear someone’s wearing today—or where their ancestors’ graves are buried.

So whatever secret arrangements Longtaoer and the priest made about the interview questions, they were child’s play for me to uncover.

Now, inside the church, it was just me, the priest, Longtaoer, and his goons.

I quickly saw the next part of the script for this situation!

[Oujilide, for revealing Longtaoer’s bribery, gets tied up in a sack and drowned in the river by Longtaoer’s group!]

Sure enough, another fancy death ending was coming for me!

There’s no way I could change Oujilide’s death-flagged fate alone.

So… I had to cling to the protagonist Kefeier’s thigh no matter what!

Right now, I needed to get the priest qualification certificate—and I had to buy time!

“You really wanted that priest certificate so badly that you bribed this interviewer quite generously, didn’t you, Lord Longtaoer?”

Before Longtaoer could react, I hit him with undeniable facts and shocked him into submission!

“You already paid him, why leave behind a ledger? Why do villains always dig their own graves?”

“You! Just you wait… Hey! Hurry, let’s go back!”

Longtaoer’s face turned ghost-white as he raised his hand to call his men.

He forgot all about tossing me in a sack and drowning me, and bolted out of the church with his lackeys.

They were probably rushing back to find that “ledger.”

The death-flag atmosphere I had just triggered vanished instantly.

Now only the priest remained—glaring at me like he wanted to kill me, but clearly too afraid to try.

“Hey, interview bro, he’s gone. The score is 3 to 2 again. So this certificate should go to me, right? Can I have it now? I’m in a hurry.”

To be honest, this stupid certificate was useless to me.

I only wanted it to have an excuse to stick close to Kefeier.

If Longtaoer wanted it back later, I’d happily hand it over.

But this fat priest clearly didn’t understand my logic.

Once he calmed down, he angrily raised his middle finger at me.

“Lide, you’re screwed! Totally screwed!”

“Oh.” (indifferent)

Getting targeted by the local thug counts as a big deal?

Back when I was acting as a major villain and scamming people with fake miracles, the entire Templar Order was hunting me down.

Why would I panic now? I’m calm as a monk.

“That Lord Longtaoer is the only son of this town’s lord! If the church didn’t require interviews for the certificate, I would’ve hand-delivered it to his house! This was never meant for some random peasant like you!”

The priest’s fat face trembled with rage.

“And now you dared to steal the certificate from him?! Are you tired of living!?”

“I get it, I get it. I even know what color underwear he’s wearing. So, are you giving me the certificate or not?”

“Certificate? Hah!”

The priest scoffed coldly.

“You’re about to die and still want a certificate? Better confess who told you that Lord Longtaoer came to me, then kneel and beg for forgiveness. Maybe you’ll keep half your life.”

“Otherwise, pack your bags and get out of the city while you still can. You’re just a nobody trying to play dirty tricks to get a priest certificate? Ha!”

The fat priest spat a thick glob of phlegm…

…right next to a pair of black boots.

“Wow? So in the mighty British Empire, you need status just to apply for a priest job?”

“Yeah? And what if I admit it?! The priest title is rare—peasants like you don’t… uh…”

The priest’s proud speech abruptly stopped.

His arrogant gaze had landed beside me.

What’s wrong, Mr. Priest?

The sweat that had poured from your face is now sucking itself back in.

Your face is turning green. Are you dying? Should I call an ambulance?

“This… this… this… cough cough cough… you… you’re…”

Of course, I knew why he suddenly looked like he was dying.

Kefeier had arrived!

A pleasant fragrance drifted over as a familiar figure stepped up to the priest.

Without a word, she took the certificate from his trembling, sieve-like hands.

Unlike Longtaoer, the fat priest clearly recognized Kefeier.

He was now gasping like he might drop dead at any second!

Kefeier didn’t even glance at him.

She looked directly at me, certificate in hand.

“Ou… Lide, I just arrived. You’re saying you passed the interview?”

This interview was shady from the start, but I technically did display my “priestly talents” by predicting a few questions—3 to 2.

So claiming I passed was fair.

“Yeah, I won. So…”

“I don’t break promises. This official priest certificate of the British Empire is yours now.”

“And starting today, you are also… my personal priest.”

Kefeier deliberately drew out the words.

She definitely did it on purpose—because the priest, who had just barely calmed down, now clutched his chest and collapsed!

Kefeier finally gave the priest a glance—but just one.

Then all her attention shifted back to me.

“Now come with me.”

“Yes, yes!”

You’re letting me cling to your thigh—whatever you say is gospel!

As for the fancy death flag plotlines? Hah, with Kefeier’s protagonist aura around, I fear nothing.

No one knew how long it took before a few attendants slapped the fat priest awake.

He gasped for air like a drowning man.

“Priest sir! That guy just ran off with someone and took the certificate! Should we notify the town guards and arrest them?!”

“Arrest your damn head!”

The fat priest slapped the attendant across the face.

“Pack up all the money Longtaoer gave us. Match every coin spent and return it. Tell him I can’t give him the certificate—this is official business!”

“Why though?”

“Why, your head! Just go!”

The priest’s angry roar sent the attendant fleeing.

How was that even a question!?

Damn it, who would’ve thought that punk Lide wanted the certificate just to become her personal priest!?

Thank god I’d visited the capital and seen her once near the Queen.

Otherwise, I’d be a dead man right now!

But wait, didn’t Longtaoer just say he’d be kicked out even if he got the certificate?

And now it sounds like that guy and the lady live together…

Wasn’t she supposed to be a goddess-like noble who wouldn’t give any man the time of day?

Then I remembered how that kid somehow answered questions only Longtaoer and I had seen ahead of time…

And even exposed the ledger I didn’t think anyone knew about…

The fat priest trembled violently.

He immediately composed himself, wiped his sweat, and braced for the storm Longtaoer would bring.