The Headmistress

“Name?”

“Ewan Campbell.”

“Age?”

“Eighteen.”

“Gender?”

“…Do you really have to ask that?”

In the white infirmary room, Ewan looked at the mature lady in front of him, dressed in a professional suit and “sexy” black stockings, and couldn’t help but complain, “Can’t you tell by looking?”

“Of course I can.”

The mature lady, who had been scribbling notes, looked up, pushed up her gold-rimmed glasses, and glanced at him impassively. “But as a psychological evaluator, my job is to use these questions to assess your mental state. So please, cooperate and answer my questions. Thank you.”

“…Male.”

“Very good. Self-awareness is still intact, for now. Alright then…”

The woman pulled a pair of men’s boxer shorts from a sealed bag and unfolded them in front of Ewan. “Looking at this, Student Ewan, do you have any… special thoughts?”

“…I hate it,” Ewan said, his mouth twitching.

“Is that so?”

The woman looked down and continued to write. “Subject displays clear aversion to male-specific items. Suspected psychological feminization…”

“Wait!”

Ewan cut her off, shocked. “I just hate used underwear! How does that have anything to do with feminization?!”

“Does a normal male hate men’s underwear?”

The woman’s glasses flashed with a wise light that seemed to see through everything. “Don’t tell me… are you wearing women’s panties right now? If that’s the case, it might be even more serious…”

“I just hate that it’s been worn! Anyone would be grossed out by someone else’s used… you know!” Ewan roared.

“Is that so? My apologies. It seems my experience in this area is lacking.”

The woman nodded in understanding, then looked down to record. “However, the subject exhibits clear signs of mania. It is unknown if this is due to…”

“It’s because of you! I’m only this angry because of you, damn it!”

“Subject displays clear violent tendencies toward the evaluator, and is verbally abusive. Recommend…” the woman continued to write.

“…”

He was numb. Are all psychologists this twisted?

Ewan decided to remain silent from now on, to give this woman no more opportunities to write her slander.

“Subject has fallen into a prolonged silence. Suspected to have suffered severe psychological trauma from the previous incident. Recommend electroshock therapy.”

“Enough of that!”

…

…

“How is he?”

Celicia looked at the mature lady who had just walked out of the room and asked, “Is he alright, Headmistress Hathaway?”

“Of course he’s fine.”

Hathaway glanced at the paper in her hand, which was now covered in little red flowers, crumpled it up, and tossed it into a nearby trash can. “Although he was seriously injured, he has clearly received professional treatment. He’s full of energy, his body is in great shape. I’d say he’s even up for dating seven girls at once.”

“You know that’s not what I was asking,” Celicia said.

“Oh? Are you that worried about him? Because he’s your fiancé?” Seeing Celicia’s serious expression, Hathaway’s interest was piqued, and she began to tease her. “But I remember you used to despise him.”

“…”

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop joking. You’re scaring me with that look, Your Highness.”

Hathaway took off her gold-rimmed glasses, revealing a captivatingly beautiful face, full of mature charm. “His mind should be fine. There are no signs of Evil God corruption.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

Hathaway smiled. “I only talked to him for ten minutes, and he glanced at my legs at least twenty times. For an adult male, isn’t that a sign of a perfectly normal mental state?”

“…” Celicia’s gaze turned cold. “Your methods of psychological evaluation are truly fascinating, Headmistress.”

“Alright, alright, don’t be angry. At least I helped you find out that the boy really likes black stockings, didn’t I?”

“I think you are mistaken, Headmistress.”

Celicia lowered her gaze. “I am only concerned about him out of my duty as the student council president. There are no other factors involved.”

“Hmph, I’ll just pretend you really think that.”

“By the way, is your work going well, Headmistress?” Celicia changed the subject.

“Of course not.”

At the mention of work, Hathaway immediately got a headache. “There’s been no progress at all over there.”

“Is it that difficult? I remember you were temporarily reassigned for a matter related to an Evil God.” Celicia raised an eyebrow. “Can you tell me the specifics?”

“I can tell you a part of it.”

“A part?”

“I was reassigned for two matters. One of them is a top-level imperial secret. All who know of it must sign a Vow of Silence. So, even to you, Celicia, I cannot disclose it.”

“Pink Bear told me as much.” Celicia nodded. “What about the other matter?”

“The other matter…”

Hathaway thought for a moment and said, “It’s not a secret among the upper echelons of the empire, and it doesn’t directly involve an Evil God, so it’s fine to tell you. The long and short of it is, a small village by Lake Bepor was destroyed in a single night.”

“A single night?”

Celicia’s gaze sharpened. “What about the villagers?”

“All of them vanished,” Hathaway said, her expression grim. “We searched the entire village, but all we found was a single, recently buried head under an unmarked tombstone.”

“A head?”

Celicia frowned. Hundreds of people missing, but only a single head left behind. It was extremely bizarre.

“That’s right. A head. A woman’s head. Her identity was registered with the Adventurer’s Guild as a B-rank adventurer, but she had already applied to retire on the grounds of marriage. That village seems to have been her hometown. We later examined the head and confirmed that it had been corrupted by an Evil God.”

“Which one?”

“Who else could it be? The most active one of them all, the God of Love.”

“Him again?”

Celicia’s gaze darkened. That very same God of Love had appeared at the academy not long ago.

“He’s certainly been busy.”

“Tell me about it. I don’t know why an Evil God is working so hard. It’s making us normal people have to work overtime until we’re spitting up blood,” Hathaway said, gritting her teeth. If she had been at the academy when that God of Love had invaded, she would have personally wielded the Great Sealing Instrument and torn him to shreds, just to avenge all her recent overtime.

“But… is this matter really so serious that it’s giving you such a headache, Headmistress?”

Celicia was confused. “This may sound cold, but in the grand scheme of all the major incidents caused by Evil Gods, the destruction of a single village doesn’t even rank.”

“That’s right. If it were just an ordinary corruption incident, the higher-ups wouldn’t have sent me to deal with it. After all, the empire’s Silencers aren’t just for show. The problem is… this corruption… was too clean.”

As she said this, a gravity that even she hadn’t noticed crept into her voice.

“The scene was unnaturally clean. Besides the corruption in that head, we couldn’t find anything. There were signs of a struggle, but we couldn’t detect a single trace of magical energy. It was as if everything had been erased by an invisible hand.”

“No magic… a fighter?”

“A mage, a fighter, or even one of the God-chosens. We’ve made many guesses, but without any traces or clues, they can only remain guesses.”

“What about investigating the adventurer’s identity?”

“That’s too difficult. Adventuring is a free profession. However, we did find out that her relationship with her two adventuring companions was a bit… complicated. And those two companions have also completely vanished. So we suspect that her two companions may have also been killed in the incident, and that their complicated relationship was the trigger for the God of Love. But…”

Hathaway gave a bitter smile. “Even knowing this is useless. We still know nothing about the incident itself.”

“No wonder…”

Celicia was beginning to understand.

Compared to the usual large-scale corruption incidents that always left a huge mess, this special case, which was clearly related to an Evil God but had left no traces, was far more unsettling. It was easy to suspect that this was yet another one of the Evil Gods’ schemes. Not to mention that it had happened so close to Belland. No wonder the higher-ups were so panicked that they had sent Headmistress Hathaway to investigate. Her research specialty was Evil God corruption. In this field, very few in the entire empire had more authority than her.

“For this matter, we even paid a small price to ask the High Astrologer in the Holy City to see if he could find any clues with his Great Divination.” Hathaway sighed. The price to ask the High Astrologer for help, although it was reimbursed by the higher-ups, still made her heart ache. If only that money had passed through her hands, who knows how much she could have skimmed off the top.

“So, what was the result?” Celicia asked curiously.

“Beware of the blond-hair.”

“Hm?”

Even the usually cool Celicia was slightly taken aback, thinking she had misheard.

“You heard me right. The result the High Astrologer gave us… was to ‘beware of the blond-hair’.”

Hathaway covered her face. “He said that because of the Evil God’s influence, even with the head as a medium, the vision he saw was very blurry. But in that blurry vision, he could make out that a certain important person in this incident had a conspicuous head of blond hair. So he told us to ‘beware of the blond-hair’.”

“Blond hair… that’s a pretty wide net.”

“I know, right!”

Hathaway was on the verge of tears. “Is it a ‘malnourished’ blond, or a bright, golden blond? Is it long blond hair or short blond hair? He could have at least been a little more specific!”

“…”

“But even if he had, what am I supposed to do? How many blond-haired people are there in Belland? Has anyone even counted? With just a ‘blond-hair’ characteristic, how am I supposed to investigate?”

Hathaway pointed angrily at the room. “Even your fiancé, Celicia, counts as a blond-hair, doesn’t he? How about we arrest him and interrogate him first? Maybe we’ll get some clues.”

“…In any case, good luck,” Celicia said, not knowing what else to say.

“Sigh. It’s just one thing after another recently. I don’t know what’s gotten into those Evil Gods.”

Hathaway rubbed her temples in pain.

Actually, compared to the Lake Bepor village incident, the other matter she couldn’t talk about was even more of a headache.

After all, the impact of a war between the gods was truly unpredictable. The entire upper echelon of Belland was on edge.

And on top of that… the academy had been invaded by two Evil Gods at once.

Hathaway was beginning to suspect that the Evil Gods just had some kind of wild party recently and decided to cause trouble all at once.

“But it’s amazing you were able to find the time to come back to the academy in a situation like this,” Celicia said. “This trip must have delayed your work even more.”

“Sigh, it can’t be helped. After all, this is the academy I love most. With something so big happening, I had to come back and take a look.”

Hathaway looked out the window at the unchanging scenery, which had already been through so much, and a smile finally appeared on her lips.

“But, I’m definitely not getting involved in the academy’s affairs.”

At this, a schadenfreude-filled tone entered her voice. She could almost see, through the walls, the Pink Bear and the other professors being driven mad by all the inquiries about the God of Love and the Silent Moon.

“To be able to temporarily unload the duties of the headmaster… seems pretty good, actually.”

…

…

“A holy sword? What holy sword?”

The Pink Bear slammed its paw on the desk and roared at the man in the silver knight’s armor before him. “You have to have evidence when you make an accusation! What does the Church of Life’s missing holy sword have to do with my Saint Marika Academy?”

“But…” the Paladin, sent by the Church of Life, said through gritted teeth, “according to our intelligence, when that God of Love controlled the Saintess of Purification to invade, she was indeed using that holy sword!”

“Intelligence?”

The Pink Bear’s round, googly eyes widened in mock surprise. “Our Saint Marika Academy has always been a closed campus. Where did you get your intelligence?”

“I…” The Holy Knight’s expression stiffened.

“Don’t tell me…”

The Pink Bear leaned in close, his expression full of a profound meaning. “You… were scammed by some unscrupulous information broker, weren’t you?”

“…You!”

The Paladin was livid. “You had better think about the consequences! That is the holy sword of my Church of Life!”

“Even the Church of Life has to follow the laws, right?”

The Pink Bear spread his paws and said, “Today you say you lost a holy sword, tomorrow you say you lost a saintess. Does that mean that if your Pope loses his underwear one day, you’re going to come looking for it at Saint Marika Academy?”

“You! You faithless bastard! How dare you blaspheme against the great Pope!”

“Don’t accuse me of things I didn’t do. When did I blaspheme? Are you saying your Pope doesn’t wear underwear?”

“You’re asking for it!”

The Paladin, in a fit of rage, suddenly drew his longsword and swung it down.

But thankfully, he still had a shred of reason left, so the longsword didn’t hit the Pink Bear, but instead, it split the desk in front of him in two, intending to teach him a lesson.

But the one who was cut was the desk, yet it was the Pink Bear who let out a piercing shriek.

“Ah! My desk!”

“What? What happened?”

Professor Glen, as if he had just heard the commotion, rushed into the room with a large group of teachers.

His gaze quickly swept over the room, and with a look of pure shock, he rushed to the Pink Bear’s side and helped him up. “Headmaster Pink Bear, are you alright? Did he attack you?”

“He didn’t attack me… but my desk…”

“The desk…”

Professor Glen, as if he had only just noticed the desk that had been split in two, cried out in “horror,” “Is this the… the desk made of ten-thousand-year-old… whatever-wood, the one that’s as valuable as a holy sword? How did it end up like this?”

“He cut it! My desk…”

The Pink Bear was “overcome with grief.” He hugged the broken half of the desk and wailed, as if he wanted to die along with it.

“This is too much! This is simply too much!”

Professor Glen stood up straight and looked at the twitching Paladin with a righteous expression. “What did our Headmaster Pink Bear ever do to you to deserve this? This desk is priceless, and it was the headmaster’s most beloved possession! Even if you are from the Church of Life, you must give us an explanation!”

“Priceless? It’s just a broken desk…”

“I’m angry and literally shaking! When will desks ever be able to stand up for themselves? Why can’t a desk be priceless? Are you discriminating against desks? I’m telling you, it is priceless!”

Professor Glen puffed out his chest and said with an imposing aura, “All these teachers here are witnesses. Don’t even think about denying it!”

“You!”

The Paladin’s face was flushed with anger, an infinite rage surging in his chest.

As a Knight of the Church of Life, when had he ever been so humiliated?

What priceless desk? You’re just trying to weasel your way out of returning the Church of Life’s holy sword!

“Just you wait! I’ll be back!”

Knowing that staying here would only lead to further humiliation, the Paladin threw out a threat, turned, and left.

“Next time you come, remember to bring the money for the desk!”

Watching the Paladin’s retreating back, Glen whistled happily. “Or you could just bring another holy sword.”

The Paladin, outside the door, staggered, and then quickly disappeared from the sight of the professors.

“When it comes to dealing with those one-track-minded church people, you two are the best.”

With a sigh that was either one of relief or disgust, Professor Planck, leaning on a new cane, walked in.

“It’s all because she just took the holy sword and didn’t give us any clear instructions,” Professor Glen said with a pained expression. “Otherwise, who would want to get involved with those numbheads from the Church of Life? They’re too much trouble.”

“Hmph. I’m the one who’s the most unlucky here, alright!”

The Pink Bear stuck a hairy paw out of its mouth, lit a cigar, and sighed. “I’m just an acting headmaster! And for the sake of the academy, I’ve offended so many people these past few days. What if they don’t let their hot babes play with me anymore?”  

“Who could expect the academy to be in the eye of the storm these days?”

Professor Glen also sighed.

Although she had intervened and had successfully resolved the Evil God invasion, the past few days had not been easy for the academy.

Because the Silent Moon, who had gone crazy at the end, had attracted too much attention, all the major powers were now staring at the academy. People were constantly coming to “visit” under the guise of “concern,” but in reality, they were all here to dig up information.

The Church of Life was actually the least of their worries; they just wanted their holy sword back.

The others… they really wanted to pry out some of the academy’s deeply hidden secrets.

“So, for the time being, we’ll have to trouble you, Headmaster Pink Bear.”

Professor Planck looked up, a rare, “amiable” smile on his face.

“Huh?”

The Pink Bear shivered, and the cigar in his hand fell to the floor. He said in a daze, “It’s not over yet?”

“What are you talking about, Headmaster? There’s still an important meeting waiting for you.”

“What meeting?”

“The one initiated by Marquis Colbert. A large group of nobles are here for a safety inquiry.”

“Is this meeting… important?”

“Of course. I think you know very well, Headmaster Pink Bear, that a large portion of our academy’s funding comes from the donations of those nobles. So, if this meeting goes badly…”

Professor Planck stared at the Pink Bear, his expression full of a profound meaning. “The cigars and pinups that you like so much… might…”

“I won’t be able to buy them?”

“No. We’ll have to start investigating you for misappropriating public funds,” Professor Planck said with a cold smile. “After all, at that time, every penny was very important to the academy.”

“…”