Chapter 4: The Body of the Saint Has Too Many Unnecessary Things

The showerhead sprayed water, and I let my body relax under it.

“Ah—”

My golden hair, glistening as if coated in honey, clung to my body as it got wet.

The warm sensation wrapping around me felt good enough to let out an involuntary sound of pleasure.

Even though I wasn’t a thief, the delicate yet somewhat sexy voice startled me.

But that was all.

The vibrations from my startled heart quickly settled as I buried it in my ample flesh.

It’s been three days since I became this body.

Surprisingly, I had adapted to this body without any major issues.

At first, I was busy stumbling around because the lengthened legs didn’t match my original stride.

Maybe that’s why my gaming time increased even more.

At least I wouldn’t fall over while sitting in a chair.

This body had too many unnecessary features.

Just being tall was one of them.

Actually, it wasn’t that tall.

I didn’t have any measuring tools at home, so I hadn’t measured, but I’m sure I was not over 170 cm.

It was probably around 165 cm at best.

The reason I felt tall was simply because my proportions were good.

Long legs and a small head, in other words.

Ah, right. This is a saint character.

Rainbow Tales was a game where head size mattered in character customization.

A smaller head means a smaller hitbox.

I could reduce damage by getting my temple pierced by an incoming arrow and suffering a level one hearing impairment instead.

However, it’s not always good to have a small head.

A smaller skull makes one more vulnerable to states like fainting or concussions.

Even wearing head protection can cause discomfort due to weight, reducing stats.

So, for melee classes, it’s best to have a larger head,

and the upper body should be longer than the lower body for certain reasons,

while ranged classes should have smaller heads,

and for the lower body, it should be longer to allow for quick escapes.

The saint character follows this basic setup.

That unnecessary high-pitched voice is how it should be.

I had a belief that a saint singing hymns should definitely be a high soprano.

Not just back then, but I still believe it.

So, maybe it’s not entirely unnecessary?

As for the unnecessarily large breasts…

I try putting each hand underneath my breasts.

Heavy.

My hands sink into the lower part of my breasts due to gravity, to the point where they’re almost invisible.

What kind of idiot would think to put two breasts larger than a face on a perfectly fine woman?

…That would be me.

But a saint must be compassionate.

It’s common sense that the size of a breast corresponds to the level of compassion.

So, um, maybe this isn’t completely unnecessary after all.

Then what about this unnecessarily huge butt?

That’s truly unnecessary, isn’t it?

Is there any use for these widened hips unless I give birth to a child?

This doesn’t seem related to compassion at all.

It’s only natural for the breasts to be large if they envelop someone’s face in a tender embrace, creating a compassionate scene,

but if my butt were to cover someone’s face, it would be a disaster for a saint, so there’s really no need for it to be that big.

Ah. And.

There’s actually one truly unnecessary thing.

“Ugh.”

I thought it was a pretty pathetic sound to make.

It was the result of my delicate body being exposed to the suddenly intensified stream of cheap shower water.

The tips of my breasts blushed shyly where the water hit.

Damn it. Feeling anything from a showerhead like this.

If I had to say something a bit unnecessary,

the saint character, you see.

She’s the character I’ve been with for 10 years.

A manifestation of my desires, all packed away into my lascivious male self.

A Pandora’s box that should never be shown to anyone.

Suddenly, memories of the past came to mind.

So, it was about a year after the saint character was created, right?

A somewhat perverted-looking priest, on the verge of going bald, asked the saint a question.

[The bald man: Ah, so that means the saint has such high sensitivity, right?]

[Saint: Um. I guess so. The whole body is just flimsy.]

[The bald man: This is totally a slutty saint.]

[Saint: But I’m still a virgin.]

[Saint: Because I’m a saint.]

[The bald man: A virgin (only in front) right? More and more guys in the church say it’s okay to have sex from behind even though the doctrine says not to have premarital sex.]

[Saint: The whole body is a virgin. No part of my body has been touched by a man. The same goes for women.]

[The bald man: With a body that sensitive? While you’re always tempting both men and women?]

[Saint: Yes.]

[The bald man: Is this the high-sensitivity virgin I’ve only heard about? What the hell, such an extreme setting…]

[Saint: So, what’s my score then?]

[The bald man: Score… score, huh…]

Just to be clear, sensitivity settings like that don’t exist in Rainbow Tales.

There’s no way to set how much it hurts or how much it hurts less.

So, that… is a terrible sin brought on by my adolescent desires.

It’s just a setting I attached to myself.

It doesn’t apply in-game, just my thoughts.

It’s a bit too late to blame it on puberty,

even though I was still engrossed in that setting until recently, panting and moaning in-game.

But it’s just a game, so it’s okay, right?

“The problem is that it’s no longer a game.”

No, damn it.

Why the hell would I insert such a setting into a 3D fighting game that isn’t even an adult game?

And who the hell put me in this body? There’s really no need to go into such detail about things like this.

I regretted the events of the past.

Maybe I should change the subject a bit.

One thing I’m glad about having this body is that I don’t have parents.

There’s no way I could explain to anyone how I ended up like this.

“Is that really a good thing…?”

Sure, not having parents was definitely nice when I was immune to in-game insults,

but in this situation, it makes my heart ache a little.

“…Ah.”

It’s not that my heart hurts; it was the showerhead’s caress humiliating this pathetic body!

What should have been a ten-minute shower ended up taking a whopping three hours.

It took quite a while to wash my hair.

With my blonde hair stretching down past my waist and all the way to my butt,

I had a tough time getting the shampoo and the cheap conditioner to lather and rinse out properly.

And, well.

Ah. Since my body has changed, my hands feel awkward.

Being in a woman’s body, I wasn’t quite sure where or how to wash.

So that’s why it took me a while.

Also…

Ah. After I was all washed up, still being in a woman’s body…

I squeezed out some 1000ml of baby lotion with the brand logo faded beyond recognition and rubbed it all over myself.

What did I do, you ask?

You want me to say it outright?

…Shut up.

Anyway, after finishing a shower that was absolutely normal, I realized it was already close to ten at night.

The sunset that had been fading since I woke up was now nowhere to be seen,

and only the night’s curtain stretched beyond the curtain, radiating a languid energy.

Moonlight seeped through the window onto the gray substance that was piled up between the window frames,

which looked like dust or sand.

The world was dark, but for some reason, the pollution-filled sky was clear today, not a cloud in sight.

I stared at the plump moon sitting on a few branches and thought.

I used to buy a lot of full moon bread when I was young.

I’m hungry.

I picked up my phone to check my bank balance.

Well, to be precise, it’s not my bank balance.

It’s been ages since my bank balance hit zero.

In fact, it’s been a while since it went into the negative.

What’s left is just the final bit of money I put into Upbit*.

Only the coins inside that remain!

“Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I woke up to see that my 90,000 won had turned into 40,000 won, anyone would scream like me.

“Those Ethereum bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I don’t know who created Ethereum.

But I’m sure of one thing: they’re the absolute bastard who stole my money.

You’ve made me angry.

I’ll cut you off.

I managed to save the 40,000 won that was bound to disappear.

That means I’ve gained 40,000 won for free.

So I can spend that 40,000 won.

I immediately opened the app and ordered a pizza.

Pizza. Pineapple pizza.

These days, they’re getting rid of the variety of pineapple pizzas, and it really breaks my heart.

Some of the crappy brands don’t even offer pineapple pizza anymore.

That’s why Miss*Pizza is the best.

Tonight, it’s pineapple pizza.

The pizza came super fast, just like Coupang* which delivers one pizza per person.

When I opened the door, the delivery guy’s eyes widened like lanterns,

and his whole body trembled like a nervous foal as he asked if he could have my phone number.

“Uh. I don’t have a phone number.”

At that, his shoulders, neck, and entire body slumped as he trudged off,

glancing back while mumbling, “It would’ve been better if you just said you didn’t like it…”

That hit my sensitive earlobe just right.

Damn. It’s true.

Of course, I have a phone, but there’s no one to contact,

and more than that, I haven’t paid my bills in so long it feels like an eternity.

Now, all I can do is use public Wi-Fi to fiddle around on Upbit*,

which is the only purpose my phone serves.

Anyway, it’s pizza!

Pineapple pizza has come to me!

Apple pineapple pizza!

I sat down on a chair in front of my computer, holding the pizza.

Eating while using the computer is a given.

There’s no need to boot anything up separately.

Not that there’s any grand reason; I just don’t turn off my computer.

Oh? The Lethe client is flashing.

Without hesitation, I clicked it.

It was a whisper.

[Sekaiichibanga: Hey]

What brings this troll here?

[Saint: What’s up?]

[Sekaiichibanga: Why haven’t you streamed lately?]

He was the only die-hard viewer of my low-tier broadcast.

And when I say die-hard, it’s not that impressive.

He sponsored me 10,000 won right before I was about to starve to death.

I bought 10 triangular rice balls with that and ate them sparingly,

but on the fifth day, I realized all the leftovers had gone bad, and I cried my eyes out.

Damn it, I should’ve bought one a day.

Besides that, I did get a bit of help from him…

After that, money started coming in somehow, and I’ve been living, doing a decent job of being a person.

Well, in a way, he might be my lifesaver?

It’s ridiculous that a nationally recognized Lethe troll is my lifesaver; my life is truly absurd.

[Saint: The viewers say my broadcasts are boring.]

[Sekaiichibanga: So, you quit?]

[Saint: Not really.]

[Saint: It’s just that nothing’s coming in.]

[Saint: I just get insulted every time I stream, like I’m a whore.]

[Sekaiichibanga: Whores are better than you.]

[Sekaiichibanga: At least they make money.]

Is this guy serious?

[Saint: -,-;; So what?]

[Sekaiichibanga: If you use that kind of emoticon, the kids these days will call you an old fogey.]

[Saint: Please stop teasing me;;]

[Sekaiichibanga: Fine.]

[Sekaiichibanga: I was just going to ask when you’re streaming; if you quit, then whatever.]

[Saint: I’m not quitting.]

[Sekaiichibanga: If you haven’t streamed in a month, you’re practically done for.]

[Saint: I told you I’m not quitting.]

[Saint: Uh.]

[Saint: Fine, I’ll stream.]

[Sekaiichibanga: oᄏ]

What is up with this person?

What does it matter to him whether I stream or not?

I thought as I shoved a piece of pizza into my mouth.

Streaming.

It’s true that I’ve almost quit, but when he asks if I’ve actually quit, I feel an unnecessary sense of rebellion.

I’ve already filled my stomach, so I’m going to play games now.

Since I won’t be communicating, I’ll just keep it running in the background.

Ah, I guess I’ll be generous.

What the heck, let’s just turn it on.

Here is another interesting novel suggestion for you. Please give it a read.

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